Extra Kitties
by DaniZaraki
Summary: This is a compilation of outtakes and extras from my Kitties Trilogy. Expect lots of strangeness because I honestly have no idea what's going on. Rated for swearing and violence. Beware of OCs.
1. Before the Kitties

_Remember way back when in either_ Consider Yourselves Kitties _or _Man, I Miss the Kitties _when I mentioned making a compilation full of extras for my Kitty Trilogy?_

_Well this is it. I know. It's been a while.  
_

_I do not own Naruto. And there will be two+ OCs in this. Some chapters might have none or one or more. Just be aware of that.  
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_This chapter contains two gay boys who are madly in love with each other.  
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_Don't like it, don't read it.  
_

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

"Well this is dumb…" I mused, staring at the strange arrangement of desks in my AP psychology class.

My psychology teacher, Mr. Lyons is one of the funniest men I know and an incredible teacher. However, he's a freaking weirdo. He gets a kick out of tormenting his students and he has a man crush on Justin Timberlake.

He's admitted it.

"I kinda like it." Kathryn mused from beside me.

The tables were packed into a huge pile, essentially demanding all of us get up close and personal with each other. I wasn't alright with this because I had personal space issues.

I glanced at her. "This requires me to sit with people I have no desire to sit with."

"Oh get over it." Courtney told me. "You need to be more social anyways so we can find you a mate."

"Courtney." I deadpanned.

"Yes?" She sang.

I stared at her. "Go take your whorish face elsewhere before I put my foot through it."

"You can't get your leg up this high." She challenged.

I glanced at her. "You'd be surprised, slut."

Kathryn smiled and rumpled my hair. "Don't be so cranky, Alice. It's almost the weekend."

"Thank Jashin." I sighed.

Kathryn snickered. "Take your nerdiness out of here."

"You love my nerdiness." I reminded her, entering the room and picking a seat on the very edge of the pile.

"No no, Alice." Mr. Lyon sang. "I have assigned seats picked out."

I stared at him. "Do you want to die?"

He smirked at me. "I dare you to try it."

"Mr. Lyons." I sighed.

"What it do, baby boo?" He asked, still smirking.

"You are a certified moron." I told him.

He flicked my forehead. "I also control your grade."

"True story." I nodded. "Well played. Where do I sit?"

* * *

My knuckles cracked as my moronic substitute Mrs. Knight went off on a tangent about people who didn't do their homework. I personally did the homework because it was just one of the generic worksheets based on one of the books we read.

Our regular teacher never counted these for a grade and half the time, we never had to do them. But Mrs. Knight decided recently for some reason that these things were for grades and they actually counted. There were only four people who actually did them.

Technically, I didn't do it. Brett did…

Mrs. Knight glared at Seth when she saw he didn't have his homework and he gave her a cheeky smile. She moved onto me and gave me a bright grin before moving onto Kathryn.

Mrs. Knight and Kathryn did not get along because Mrs. Knight was one of the few people that could bring out Kathryn's angry, serious, bitch side.

Kathryn, like always, never did her homework and she looked up at our sub when she reached her desk. Mrs. Knight frowned about the lack of worksheet on her desk and she dropped the clipboard in her hand and put her hands on her hips.

"Kathryn, this is the fourth time you haven't done your homework." Mrs. Knight screeched. "I'm sick of it."

Kathryn raised her eyebrow at her. "These aren't supposed to be for a grade. I read the book, why does it matter if I didn't do some stupid worksheet over my opinion on the book?"

"Because I said it does." Mrs. Knight snapped. "I'm your teacher. I'm in charge of your grade."

"No, you're not." Kathryn scoffed. "Mrs. Newman controls the grades. You don't even have access to the real grade book. That's why you carry around the stupid clipboard."

Mrs. Knight puffed up angrily and I was slowly growing tenser and tenser. I was daring her to say something to Kathryn in front of me. They had gotten into it before and I got suspended for three days because I broke one of the desks by throwing it out of my way to get to Mrs. Knight.

Fortunately, I was restrained by a few of the guys in my class.

"Your disrespect makes me sick. Go to the office and tell the principal what a slutty, little bitch you're being." She spat.

Now, you see, I realized Kathryn was being disrespectful towards Mrs. Knight who was an adult and was temporarily in charge of us. However, this is Kathryn we're talking about. Kathryn is _mine._ She is my best friend. She has been my best friend since our first day of school. She has stuck with me through things that would destroy friendships.

She has _always_ been there at my side.

So, you can't really blame me for being so possessive and protective of her, can you?

I got to my feet, knocking my chair over and I prepared to beat Mrs. Knight's face in for saying something to Kathryn. Fortunately for her, I was restrained.

Seth, who sat beside me like always, shot up and grabbed me, pinning my arms to my side before I could jump over the desk and slaughter that stupid teacher. Her eyes widened at the obvious anger in my face and she backed up a bit while Kathryn smirked.

"I'll be sure to tell the principal what you called me. You better kiss your teaching license goodbye." Kathryn chirped. "When my mom finds out how insane and rude you are, you'll be living under a bridge."

Kathryn's mother is a lawyer. And a _damn_ good one at that.

Kathryn grabbed my shoulder. "Calm down, Alice. It's alright."

"No one talks to you like that in front of me." I growled. "That dumb, incompetent bitch is no different. She says one more thing to you, and I'll snap her fucking fat, wrinkly neck with a textbook."

"I know, Momma." Kathryn smiled. She looked at Seth. "Help me take her to the office. If she stays in here, she'll break a desk on someone's head."

Sethy-Poo nodded and helped Kathryn escort me from the room. When we got into the hallway, I relaxed substantially.

"You usually don't get pissed that easily." Kathryn pointed out, looking at me.

Sethy glanced at me. "You seem angrier than usual." He looked over me. "Is it your back?"

"That's not helping my case." I grunted. "I'm just annoyed today."

"Why?" Kathryn wondered.

I glanced at her. "Dickhead."

She gave me an uncharacteristically evil frown.

* * *

**Third Person!**

"Brett, what are you doing?"

Louis stood in the doorway of his bedroom, his piercing green eyes locked on his incredibly adorable boyfriend. Brett, at that moment, was doing a backbend on the bed.

Brett allowed himself to fall out of his acrobatic position and smiled at his boyfriend. "Nothing."

Louis stared. "…Okay…"

Brett situated himself into an Indian style sitting position and put his hands on his knees, all while fixing Louis with a loving smile. "When's the baby getting home?"

"She should be home soon. No more than an hour." Louis confessed. "Why?"

"No reason." Brett shrugged. "I just miss Alice's cute face."

Louis smirked. "You're cute."

"Not as cute as you~!" Brett countered with a grin.

Louis frowned. "Do you really want to have this argument? I'll force you into submission." He wiggled his eyebrows. "You can take that however you want to."

Brett grabbed his head. "Perverted mental images!"

Louis made to comment but was cut off by a knock on the door. Curious, he backed out of his bedroom and hit the stairs, heading for the door. Brett followed after him, a spring in his step.

Just as Louis got off of the stairs, Brett lunged at him and latched onto his shorter boyfriend. "Carry me!"

Louis chuckled and situated his hold on Brett so he could carry him in a piggy back. "This will be the only time you're on top of me so enjoy it."

Brett buried his face into Louis's shoulder. "So perverted."

"That's the point, babe." Louis grunted. He opened the door and cocked his head to the side at the woman who lived two condos down. "Sup?"

"I was just checking to see if everything was alright. I haven't heard any screaming today." She smiled.

Louis smirked at her. "I killed Alice and buried her in the backyard."

The woman's eyes widened.

"Louis." Brett scolded. He smiled at the elderly woman, unknowingly winding her because of his breathtaking cuteness. "He's kidding. Alice is at school and we've been busy packing for a trip to visit my parents. We haven't had time to goof off too much yet."

She put her hand against her chest and sighed with relief. "Oh good."

Brett grinned. "Thanks for your concern though."

The woman returned his smile before heading back towards her home. When she got off the steps, Louis swung the door shut before he glanced over his shoulder at Brett. "Do I really seem that believable?"

"Louis, you shoved a cell phone up our neighbor's ass for being mean to me and Alice." Brett deadpanned.

Louis huffed. "The asshole didn't quit. I told him if he didn't shut up I was going to shove his phone up there. He didn't, thus why his ass vibrated when his mother called him."

Brett snorted and kissed Louis's cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too." Louis assured him. He set Brett on the couch before joining him. As soon as he got settled, Brett latched onto him again. Louis just smirked with approval and returned the embrace.

"We need to get a cat." Brett said simply. "I miss having something to cuddle with."

Louis stared at him. "What the fuck are we doing right now?"

"You don't purr when I pet you." Brett pointed out, carding his fingers through Louis's hair.

Louis made a purring sound, causing Brett to giggle.

Brett rubbed his nose against Louis's. "You don't meow when I talk to you."

"Meow." Louis deadpanned.

"You don't have cute little whiskers." Brett added with a grin.

"You always whine about my facial hair." Louis huffed. "And Alice hates it because I always grind my beard against her face."

Brett kissed his nose. "When you grow out facial hair, it hides your adorable dimples."

Louis rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Why can't we get a dog?"

"We're not allowed." Brett reminded him. "Condo people say no."

"The fuck we're not." Louis snapped. "If I want a dog, I'll get a fucking dog."

Brett kissed Louis's nose again. "Easy, Lulu." He rested his head against Louis's. "But seriously, I want a kitty."

"So we'll get you a kitty." Louis shrugged. "Alice is allergic to them though."

"They only make her sneeze. That's it." Brett stated. "We'll talk to her when she gets home."

"You know she's going to tell you to do what you want." Louis pointed out. "Alice doesn't care as long as you're happy."

Brett smiled. "You two are so good to me."

"You deserve every ounce of affection." Louis informed him. "You're easily the best human being I know."

"Just because I'm a vegetarian doesn't mean I'm a good person." Brett laughed.

"That's not at all what I meant and you know it." Louis deadpanned.

Brett smiled and nuzzled into his smaller, yet more muscular boyfriend. "I know. I just like watching you get riled up because it's adorable."

Louis smirked.

"Almost like a kitty." Brett added.

Louis frowned at him. "I'm not a pussy."

"Not at all, baby." Brett snickered.

The jingle of keys sounded at the front door before the lock clicked and the door swung open. Alice slipped inside the condo before taking off her shoes. She dropped her text book on the floor beside the door before stomping to the kitchen.

Brett and Louis exchanged a look.

"She's in a bad mood." Brett pointed out.

Louis nodded before getting up. He walked to the kitchen and peeked in to see Alice hanging up the keys to the Hummer. She walked to the fridge and began shoving things aside.

"Hey cutie." Louis greeted.

Alice grunted at him.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing Lou. I'm fine." Alice replied simply. She snatched a bottle of water off of the bottom shelf before shutting the fridge door and stalking over to the medicine cabinet and tossing the door open. She grabbed four bottles before ripping the lids off them.

"Alice." Louis said firmly.

Alice looked at him out of the corner of her eye, pausing with a bottle of pills in her hand. "What, Louis?"

"What's wrong with you?" Louis demanded.

She sighed. "What _isn't_ wrong with me, Louis?"

"I'm serious. You tell me right now, or I'll beat it out of you." Louis ordered.

Alice closed her eyes. "It's just been a shitty day and my back and shoulder are driving me up a wall."

"Why?" Louis asked. "Did you do bad on a test or something?"

Alice scoffed. "No. And even if I did, I wouldn't give a shit."

"So what?" Louis pressed.

"Adam." She muttered. "Among other things like stupid teachers who insult Kathryn."

Louis frowned. "What did that fucker do?"

"Nothing really. He just kept texting me." Alice stated. "Somehow he got my number."

"Give me that phone. You use mine from now on." Louis told her. "I'll transfer the shit when I go to work tomorrow." He raised his eyebrow at her. "And please tell me you didn't punch your substitute. You almost killed your Spanish sub."

"Seth restrained me." Alice explained as she pulled her phone out of her pocket before tossing it to Louis. He caught it tossed her his. She caught it before dropping it on the counter and reaching for her pills.

"Alice, you can't take your medicine whenever it hurts. You'll get addicted to the medication and it will fuck up your liver." Louis said seriously.

She glanced at him. "You have no idea how much it hurts."

"I've been to the doctor with you plenty of times, Alice. I know what it does to you." Louis said simply. "What number on the pain scale?"

"Eight." She replied.

He sighed. "Take as few as you can please. You worry me with all of that medication."

"Not my fault." She stated. "Blame doctors, assholes, and my body."

"Maybe if your tits weren't so huge your back wouldn't hurt as much." Louis pointed out.

Alice scoffed. "Trust me Louis, if breast reduction surgery wasn't so fucking expensive, they'd be a B instead of a triple D."

Louis stared at her chest. "It would be a shame to lose something so… magnificent though."

"Shut up you pervert." Alice snapped. "Go fuck your boyfriend."

"Well since I have your permission." Louis mused playfully.

Alice rolled her eyes. "So is Bee listening in or is he waiting for you to tell him what's wrong with me?"

Brett poked his head in. "Hi Alice."

Alice smiled and shook her head before extending her arms in his direction. "Hey Bee."

Brett slipped into the kitchen before hugging Alice, taking care not to put too much pressure on her. "It's been so boring without you here." He smiled when she visibly calmed and the tension in her shoulders eased substantially. If there was one person who could calm Alice in an instant, Brett was them.

"I know." Alice sighed, tossing back some pills when Brett released her. "Louis forces me to go to school at least some of the day though. Blame him."

Louis shrugged. "You need sane influences on your life."

Alice smirked. "Louis, you've had such an impact on my sanity that nothing could ever save me from being as crazy as you."

"That's exactly how I want it." Louis smirked.

Brett smiled. "You both are cute." He put his hand on Alice's head. "Side note, I want to get a cat."

Alice glanced at him. "And you're telling me this… why?"

"Because I want to know if you're okay with it." Brett told her.

Alice shrugged. "I don't care, Bee. If it will make you happy then I'll be happy."

"Told you so." Louis grunted quietly.

Brett hugged Alice with a happy grin. "You're so sweet. I love you, Alice."

Alice rumpled his hair. "I love you too, Bee." She looked at Louis. "Just make sure to get it after you guys come back from Canada. I don't want to be stuck with house breaking it an all that stuff. I don't know how to train cats, just dogs."

"I want two." Brett added. "That way they'll have each other to play with."

"Because you won't play with them enough." Alice agreed sarcastically.

Louis frowned. "If those cats come between you and me, Brett, we'll have some serious issues."

Brett smiled at him. "Nothing could ever come between us, baby. I love you too much."

Louis nodded with approval. "As it should be." He grabbed Brett's hand and dragged him closer before placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. "And I love you too, Brett."

Alice smiled. "You two are adorable."

"Awe, you're cute too Alice!" Brett cooed, gently yanking Alice into the hug he forced on them.

Alice allowed both boys to hug her with a small but true smile on her face.

Louis kissed Alice's forehead. "I love you, Ally."

Alice glared. "Don't call me that."

He grinned.

"You're lucky I love you, asshole." Alice grumbled. "Else I'd move out."

"You can't~." Louis teased menacingly. "Until you turn eighteen, you're mine."

Alice sighed dejectedly. "Well fuck."

* * *

_Expect a bunch of these over time. I'll probably write them when I get super bored or just need something to do._

_If you guys don't like it, don't read it. No one says you have to.  
_

_These extras will revolve around all three stories and they will not be in any particular order. One chapter might be about Brett and Louis before the universe switch while the next chapter might be about Tibby and Sanaa when they're adults and_

_This chapter takes place a day before the Akatsuki arrive on Alice's doorstep.  
_

_If you have any questions, feel free to ask them via review or PM. I'd love to hear from you and I'll answer you as soon as I can or in the next chapter. :)  
_

_Bye~  
_


	2. Late Night Walks

_This was a spur of the moment thing.  
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_It is a birthday present to Dreami-chwan/xdreamernumbuhfour.  
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_Happy birthday, dear!  
_

_I do not own the Akatsuki. Two OC warning.  
_

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

"Alice… What are you doing?"

"Reading the terms and conditions." I replied.

Kathryn cocked her head to the side. "You actually read the terms and conditions?"

I nodded, my eyes focused on the small font. "Yep."

"Why?" She asked.

"Sometimes they add in funny messages for those few who actually read them. Not mention, the cure for cancer could be in the terms and conditions and 99.99999% of the world would never know because _no one_ reads the terms and conditions."

"Except you." Kathryn deadpanned.

"Except me." I confirmed.

"How far are you?" She wondered.

"I'm five pages in and I've found seven typos." I informed her. "And two swear words."

She cocked her head to the side at me. "How many pages are there?"

"Eight."

"How long have you been reading that?"

"About five minutes."

"That fast?!"

"I've always read fast. Why is this a surprise to you?"

"Because that's ridiculous."

"So are those pants but you don't hear me bitching about them."

"I am not bitching!" She protested. "And my pants are fine. You're just jealous you can't fit into them."

"No. I'm not." I corrected her. "I'm just always disgusted by how fucking skinny your Jashin-damned legs are to be able to fit into something smaller than a condom."

She frowned. "Bad mental image."

"I know. Now hush. I've found a run-on sentence." I barked.

She sighed dejectedly and stomped over to my bed before plopping down, successfully disturbing the napping shark on my bed. "Why are you doing this at two in the morning?"

"I assumed you'd be asleep and wouldn't bother me." I told her. "And leave Kisame alone. He's trying to sleep."

"But he's so cute." She informed me, hugging Kisame. He gave her a tired grin and hugged her back, fully intent on going back to sleep.

"Yeah he's cute." I agreed. "And mine."

"I saw him first." She said simply.

"I saw him naked." I countered.

She blinked. "You win."

"Always do." I nodded, scrolling down a little.

"Where's Itachi?" Kathryn asked.

"Shower." I replied. "Oh, Harry Potter pick-up line." I snickered. "The guy who wrote this must have had a blast."

"What is that for?" She demanded.

I glanced at her. "None of your business." I glanced at her. "Have you played Pottermore?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I got into Gryffindor."

I hummed with a smirk on my face. "Ironic."

"What did you get into?" She paused. "Oh wait, don't tell me."

"Slytherin." We said together in perfect unison.

"It's so weird when you two do stuff like that together." Itachi pointed out as he emerged from the bathroom, shirtless and perfect.

I stared at him, momentarily forgetting my concentration on the Terms of Agreement. "Jashin you are sexy."

Kathryn and Kisame snickered while Itachi just sighed.

"What?" I demanded. "It's true." I gestured at him with both of my hands. "I mean look at that body."

"He works out." Kathryn added absently.

I smiled. "He's sexy and he knows it."

Itachi threw his towel over my face before sitting on the edge of the bed, smacking Kisame when said shark man prodded him with his toes. "Why aren't you two in bed?"

"It's the weekend, sweetheart." I informed him. "I don't go to sleep until _at least_ four in the morning."

"So what are we going to do?" Kisame wondered, looking over Kathryn's shoulder to raise his eyebrow at me.

I shrugged. "Dunno. Think of something."

"Isn't there a curfew here?" Kathryn asked.

"Who gives a shit?" I scoffed. "Besides, it's more fun to avoid the cars and cops when you're walking through the neighborhood at night. It's kind of like hide and seek, only more dangerous."

"That sounds fun." Kisame commented.

"What sounds fun?"

We all looked to the door to see Hidan, Deidara, Kakuzu, and Sasori standing there.

"I thought you all went to sleep already." I said thoughtfully.

Kakuzu shook his head. "The Leaders are. Pein sent us to tell you to get to bed since we're training tomorrow."

"No fun." Kathryn pouted.

"Since when does Pein tell you when to go to sleep? You guys have a bedtime?" I deadpanned.

"I don't." Sasori said indifferently, inspecting one of my bookcases.

"Why don't we just sneak out?" I offered.

Hidan pointed me. "I love the way you fucking think, bitch."

"I feel so appreciated." I said boredly.

"So… are we going or what, un?" Deidara asked.

I nodded. "Let's go." I shut my laptop and tossed a shirt to Itachi. "Let's go, ladies."

"We can't go through the front door. Zetsu and Tobi are down there." Kakuzu pointed out.

"Oh, I want Tobi to come with us." Kathryn pouted.

I smirked, rubbing my chin. "I've got an idea…"

* * *

Five minutes later, all eight of us were tiptoeing down the stairs, taking great care not to wake Zetsu. I unlocked the front door and opened it before gesturing out of it, motioning for the others to leave the house. When they were all out, I turned around to approach the bed, only to run straight into a firm body.

I looked up the body and smiled at seeing the familiar orange mask of Tobi. "Hey Tobi." I whispered.

"Hi Alice-chan!" He replied just as quietly. "Where is Alice-chan and everyone going?"

"We're going to go play a game outside. Do you want to come with us? We have to be quiet so Pein doesn't find out." I asked.

He nodded excitedly. "Tobi wants to come! Tobi will be a good boy and be quiet."

I smiled. "Good boy, Tobi. Can you teleport us out of the house so I can lock the door?"

When he promised he would, I locked the door before he scooped me up and teleported us to the sidewalk outside the condo.

"Yay!" Kathryn cheered. "Tobi came!" She glomped Tobi, much to his excitement and they had their moment of jumping around and hugging each other.

"Alright so how do we play this fun game of yours?" Sasori asked.

"Well, since this neighborhood and the surrounding park have a really strict curfew, it's always crawling with cops and authority figures." I explained. "We'll be walking all around this shithole, and we'll have to avoid cars at all costs. Basically the point of the game is to remain unseen and avoid getting caught if we are seen. If we get separated, run home. The window to my bedroom is unlocked and open and the screen was taken out. Climb in through there."

"What if you or Kathryn get separated?" Kisame asked.

I smirked. "I'll be fine. Kathryn, feel free to scream really loud to get attention. But do try to stick with someone."

"Kay." She said cheerfully.

"I don't care what sides of the street you hide on, I don't care what you hide in. Just don't go into anyone's house." I sighed. "Let the games begin."

Now, to understand how fun this game is, you have to understand what the landscape is like.

My neighborhood was full of trees and literally, there was like a small forest along each street between clumps of three or so condos or houses. There was an even larger clump of trees behind all of the houses that separated the neighborhood from the park. And other than the park, the behind the neighborhood and off to the left was pure forest and woods with nothing for miles other than the river and a few farms.

To the front and right of the neighborhood was civilization.

I was walking between Kisame and Itachi, chatting with Sasori who was walking backwards in front of me, when I saw headlights coming around a very sharp corner. I pointed. "Car!"

"Shit!" Hidan shouted. He practically dove into the trees while I scurried after him, lying flat against the hill. Kisame, Kakuzu, Itachi, and Sasori had all jumped to the trees while Kathryn and Deidara shriek, ran across the street with Tobi, and hid behind some bushes.

I snickered as Hidan grumbled under his breath about sticks stabbing him and heathen roots. Itachi, Sasori, Kisame, and Kakuzu looked utterly unbothered by the whole affair. When the car passed, we emerged from our hiding spots to see Tobi had tangled himself with Deidara because he was scared the fuzz was going to get him.

After extracting Tobi from Deidara and making sure Deidara didn't slaughter Tobi, we pressed on.

"So what, dare I ask, possessed you to invent this game?" Sasori wondered.

I smirked. "Louis." I shrugged. "When I first moved in with them, it was cold and I wanted to walk around. This was when I was like fourteen, mind you. So, I was walking around at like three in the morning when a cop pulls up beside me as I'm walking down the street. He rolled down his window and asked me if I knew what time it was. I told him the time and he asked me if I knew the curfew. At the time, I didn't so I told him. He informed me that I was four hours past curfew and asked me how old I was and if my family knew I was out."

Sasori raised his eyebrow. "Did Louis know you were out?"

"Nope." I admitted. "I told him how old I was and I told him my family didn't know. So he stops his car and starts getting out, asking me to get in so he could take me home." I laughed. "Of course, I started running. I ran into the woods and avoided him in there for about half an hour before I snuck home." I smiled slightly. "Louis was up waiting for me. It was the first time he was ever legitimately angry with me."

"Why" Kisame wondered.

"Louis is technically my legal guardian." I shrugged. "When I moved out of my parent's house, I moved in here. However, the landlord of the neighborhood wouldn't let a minor live with two guys without me being a member of their immediate family. So Louis arranged everything so he could take custody of me. My parents agreed to it for some reason. They still pay for my school and stuff but other than that, we've cut all contact."

Itachi raised his eyebrow at me. "The crazy one is allowed to have a child?"

"I know. I was surprised too." I deadpanned.

"Why anyone would want _you_ is surprising enough." Sasori scoffed.

"Wow, asshole." I pouted. "Way to make me feel loved."

He patted my head. "It's my job to make people feel hated and stupid."

"I don't feel stupid. In fact, whenever I'm around you, I feel like the smartest person in the world." I scoffed.

He glared at me.

I patted his head. "It's my job to make people feel hated and stupid."

"I hate you." He grumbled.

I smirked. "Don't hate me because I'm awesome."

"Shit! Car un!" Deidara yelped.

"Damn it Deidara, you're supposed to yell it when you see their lights, not the car!" I barked, running to the woods. "Scatter!"

"It's the fuzz!" Kisame pointed out with a laugh as the lights went off on the top of the cruiser. "Run!"

Kathryn, who was laughing about Kisame calling the cops the fuzz, was being carried by Deidara out of harm's way. "Kisame! You're not supposed to call them that!"

"Who cares what he calls them." I yelled. "Just run!"

"Stop!" The police officer ordered.

"It's a trap!" I called.

Itachi scooped me up, tired of my slow running and we vanished into the trees. The cop gave chase and we could all hear him stumbling through the bushes as he tried to catch us.

For half an hour we ran around him, Hidan, Tobi, and Deidara kept messing with him, letting him chase after them for a long time before they would give him the slip, only for someone else to get his attention.

The guy was about to pass out by the time we finally decided he had enough.

I dropped down from the tree I was sitting on as an utterly amused Hidan returned to the bulk of our group. He cackled. "That fucker's about to kill over."

"Not everyone has ninja stamina." I reminded him. "Besides, anyone would get tired chasing after the three of you."

"I get tired just being around them." Sasori deadpanned.

"That makes two of us." Kakuzu agreed. "Now what?"

Kathryn smiled. "Let's head home. We can still play the game that way."

"Fair enough." Kisame shrugged.

And so we trekked home. We were walking along the street, woods on one side and a cornfield on the other with hills separating us from each one. The woods sat on a slope, towering over us while the cornfields were downhill, protected by a barbed wire and electric fence.

Itachi was giving me a piggy back while having an intent discussion with Kakuzu about food prices. Kisame was on the other side of the road with Kathryn, Deidara, Hidan, and Tobi, talking with Hidan about the cop and how he should have shot at us to make it more fun.

Sasori and I were chatting, as usual and our discussion was laced with sarcasm.

"They don't exist." Sasori deadpanned.

I glared at him. "Yeah they do!"

"There is no proof." He stressed.

"No one has ever disproven their existence either." I informed him. "They most certainly are real."

He rolled his eyes. "Dragons aren't real."

"Bullshit!" I protested. "You aren't real!"

He stared at me. "That was one of the stupidest things you've ever said."

"No, it wasn't." I replied. "Technically, you're just a figment of someone's imagination. You are a fictional character that somehow came to life." I pointed at him. "Dragons _are_ real."

He sighed. "I'm never going to win with you, am I?"

"Never, Loofa." I smirked. "I'm just too good."

"Car!" Kathryn called.

We scattered. Sasori, Itachi, Kakuzu, and I shot towards the woods while the others went towards the fields. Itachi pulled me off his back and I laid flat against the hill, eagle spread. He positioned himself over me, his warm sexy body pressing against mine and his nose pressing against mine.

I stared into his Sharingan, the blood pounding in my ears because of our close proximity and the intimacy of our position. He smirked at what must have been a blush on my face and my heart hammered that much faster because of his sexiness. His smirk became slyer before he pressed his lips to mine.

I died.

The car went by as Itachi and I kissed and we avoided being seen. However, as soon as the silence ensued after the car went by, the noise began anew.

"Ouch! That really hurt!" Hidan whined pathetically.

"What happened?" Sasori asked. "Will you two quit making out?"

Itachi straightened up without a care before he pulled me to my feet. He gave me a knowing smirk before pulling me to the other side of the road. Hidan was lying flat on his back, burn lines on his chest and small puncture wounds from where he ran into the electric, barbed wire fence.

Kathryn and Deidara was rolling around on the ground together, laughing uncontrollably.

"H-he was running beside D-Deidara and I and then we heard a loud shock and a yelp a second before he disappeared." Kathryn managed to explain through her laughter. "I-it was priceless!"

"It fucking hurt!" Hidan snarled. He sat up, rubbing at his chest. "Motherfucker…"

I released Itachi's hand and went to him. I inspected his chest before kissing his cheek. "I'll clean it and bandage it when we get home, Hidan." I told him with a smile. "Brett has this ointment that does miracles on burns."

He rumpled my hair as thanks when he got to his feet and then we all traveled home without further injury.

I unlocked the door and we tiptoed inside, kicking off our shoes by the door. I led the way to the stairs only to freeze when I saw feet standing on the first step. I followed the feet up to the legs, along the torso and paled at the pale, pierced face of Pein.

"Hi Pein." I said sheepishly.

"Where have you been?" He growled.

Hidan rubbed the back of his neck. "We just fucking went for a walk…"

"It was Alice's idea." Kathryn said instantly, pointing.

"Bullshit it was." I snapped. "It was _your_ idea to do something. I just found something for us to do."

He glared at me. "All of you are grounded."

"Damn it." I pouted. "I hate being grounded."

"There will be no TV, no computer, no games, no going outside except for training." He barked, pointing up the stairs and to the second floor while looking utterly father-like. "Bed."

We all slumped before starting up the steps dejectedly, feeling like badly behaved children who were sent to bed without desserts.

I hate people with authority. Especially when they have awesome ninja powers…

* * *

_This is actually a game I play with my brother and our friends. It's so much fun and exciting. The little incident that happened to Hidan actually happened to my brother. It was probably the funniest thing ever. Though, it's been like three years since that incident._

_I hope you enjoyed it. Please excuse any and all typos. I wrote this on the car ride home from OSU. I'm home for the weekend which is what I needed because I missed my dogs more than anything.  
_

_Bo has gotten even bigger within the two weeks I've been gone.  
_

_If you guys have any suggestions or ideas that you want me to write about, feel free to suggest them. I already have a few down that I plan on writing about but I'm open to pretty much anything.  
_

_Toodles, lovelies.  
_


	3. Husband Swap

_The idea for this little extra came from_ Hosoi Kurai**  
**

_It cracked me up so I tried to deliver._

_I do not own Naruto.  
_

* * *

**First Person Kathryn!**

I skipped up behind Deidara as he sat at the table, nomming on his breakfast. I threw my arms around his neck from behind and kissed him on his super cute face. "Hey baby. I'm going out. I'll see you later! Look at the calendar!"

He looked up at me with utter confusion on his face, his out full of food, as I frolicked out of the kitchen and then out of the house. My target was standing in the road so I jumped on his back, koala clinging the instant I collided with him.

As expected, he absorbed my glomp with perfect ninja reflexes, and he gave me a small smile over his shoulder. "Good morning, Kathryn."

"Hi Itachi!" I greeted. "Ready to go hang out?"

He was wearing the typical ninja attire he wore under his Akatsuki cloak with his pretty ponytail in place. He looked ready to me whereas Alice looked like she planned on sleeping all day in her pants that were definitely Hidan's and her shirt that was probably Itachi's or even Hidan's.

She's a thief.

"Hn." He agreed simply. He leaned forward and kissed Alice softly on the lips. "I'll see you later. Have fun with Deidara."

Alice patted his cheek after returning his kiss and smiled lazily at me. "I will. You two have fun together. Kathryn, try not to make him commit suicide."

"No promises." I smiled. "Bye Momma!"

"See you." She called, waving as she set off towards my house.

"Where to?" I asked, looking at Itachi.

"Wherever you would like to go is fine with me." He stated.

I rubbed my chin in thought. I smiled as a wonderful idea came to mind and I looked at Itachi. "Wanna go stuff our faces with sweets from every sweetshop in the village?"

A glint jumped into Itachi's eyes. "I thought you'd never ask."

With pure ninja speed, Itachi shot through the Uchiha compound, heading for the closest sweetshop to the district. I grinned evilly and he smirked his Uchiha smirk, utterly pleased.

Alice is going to kill us.

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

I walked inside the house Kathryn, Deidara, Sasori, and Sanaa shared and I strolled to the kitchen like I owned the place. Deidara was drinking tea and inspecting a calendar curiously at the same time. A plate rested on the table. The only hint I had that it had been eaten off of was the remnants of syrup. The rest of the plate was completely vacant.

"Sup Dei?" I asked, walking over to him. I sat on the counter and watched him count down the days on his fingers.

"What day is it, un?" He asked, glancing around.

"Friday." I told him. "Down one, Dei."

He moved his finger down a day on the calendar before nodding. "So that's what she meant, un."

I raised my eyebrow. "It's best friend's significant-other day. Did you forget?"

He nodded to himself, drinking more tea.

I pouted. "You forgot that you were hanging out with me? I'm hurt, Deidara."

"I didn't mean it like that, un!" Deidara said quickly, darting over to me. "I'd never forget you, Alice. I've been looking forward to this; I just forgot what day it was. I swear yeah!"

I smiled. "You're so gullible. And sweet." I rumpled his hair. "I was kidding, Deidara. Itachi forgot too until I dragged him outside to meet Kathryn."

He grinned sheepishly before leaning on the counter across from me. "So what do you want to do, un?"

I rubbed my chin in thought. I smirked as a very amusing and potentially dangerous and reckless idea came to mind and I looked at Deidara. "Wanna go and blow shit up?"

A glint jumped into Deidara's eyes and a very mischievous grin broke out on his face. "I thought you'd never ask, yeah."

I hopped off the counter and offered him my arm. "Let's go feed our inner pyros, my dear sir."

He took it, his chin held high and a serious, proper expression on his face that did nothing to hide the amusement in his eyes. "You read my mind, my lady yeah."

Pein is going to kill us.

* * *

**First Person Kathryn!**

"Kathryn? Itachi?"

Itachi and I looked up from our treats to see Kakashi looking at us curiously. He had a bag of goodies in his hand and a book in his pocket.

"Hi Kakashi." I greeted while Itachi grunted at him. "What's up?"

"What are you two doing? Where are Alice and Deidara?" He looked around as if expecting them to be hiding or something.

Itachi and I shrugged. "We don't know."

"Don't know?" Kakashi wondered.

I smiled. "Alice and I decided to swap significant others for the day." I shrugged when he looked even more confused. "I don't get to hang out with Itachi as much as I should and Alice misses hanging out with Deidara so we decided to share our husbands."

"Okay…" He said uncertainly.

Itachi glanced at him before patting my head. "It wasn't my idea, but I am not complaining. Alice never lets me engorge myself on sweets. I'm utilizing my resources and time."

"So… Alice and Deidara are together… without supervision?" Kakashi asked.

Itachi tensed and face-palmed. "That can't be good."

I laughed. "Uh oh. I guess we should have thought about that beforehand."

"The village will be in flames before the night is out." Kakashi groaned. "Whatever. I know nothing."

"Bye Kakashi!" I said cheerfully, waving at him as he left.

I glanced at Itachi who was looking out the window as if expecting to see a clay bird in the sky. "Alice won't let Deidara blow up anything."

"I wouldn't be so sure." Itachi told me with a sigh.

"Your sweets are punishment to her for any damage she causes." I offered with a smile.

He stared at me. "Your intelligence always manages to impress me, Kathryn."

"I'll try not to be insulted." I laughed, picking up my dango again. Itachi quickly followed my example, for the moment pushing aside his concern for his wife and forgetting to be mature. Deidara wouldn't let Alice get hurt and that was enough for him to enjoy his day rather than worrying.

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

"You don't think we'll get in trouble for this do you, un?" Deidara asked as we finished setting up our first piece of art of the day.

I scoffed. "Who gives a shit? I'm Alice. I dare them to try to punish me."

"Even Pein yeah?" Deidara asked.

"That's what you're for, Deidara." I grinned. When he protested loudly, I soothed him. "I'm kidding, dork. It's Pein's fault for our boredom. He never lets us do anything fun."

Deidara hummed his agreement. "I know. Neither does Kakuzu, Danna, or Itachi yeah."

I sighed. "Tell me about it." Cracking my knuckles, I elbowed Deidara. "Do it."

He smirked before holding his hands up in a familiar sign. "Katsu!" He barked. One of his tiny bombs went off and ignited a line of clear fuel. It caught instantly and zoomed away from us before lighting a picture and a small notification on the side of the Hokage Mountain.

A giant penis was burning just below the Kage heads that were currently decorated with flaming monocles, mustaches, and unibrows. Hashirama had a monocle, Tobirama had a mustache of epic proportions, Hiruzen had a unibrow and a tongue hanging out of his mouth. Tsunade had a unibrow, and Minato had a both a monocle and a mustache and we outlined his hair so it was on fire. We did the same with the seal on Tsunade's forehead. Below the penis, was our signature.

"ALICE AND DEIDARA WERE HERE!"

"They'll never know it was us." I decided, with a huge grin.

Deidara grinned evilly with me. "That's so awesome."

I held up my phone and took a picture of that epicness before elbowing Deidara. "Let's get out of here before we get caught."

He grinned and created a bird. He picked me up and jumped on it and it took off. We had just gotten out of sight when a number of ANBU members and other Shinobi reached the Hokage monument to inspect the damage to see if it was some enemy message.

There was nothing to worry about. As soon as the fuel was burned up, the fire would die without damage. The monument would be fine.

Though, it will forever be Penis Mountain to me.

* * *

**First Person Kathryn!**

"Please tell me I'm imagining a giant… male reproductive organ on the Hokage Monument."

"You're not." I said, smothering snickering.

Itachi introduced his palm to his forehead. "How did they even do that?"

"Alice is no stranger to vandalism." I laughed nervously. "She almost got arrested for it when we were fourteen. She spray painted a huge 'FUCK YOU' on the side of the school's Superintendent's house when she didn't give us any snow days. One our friends got in a really bad wreck that day because of the horrible conditions on the road on their way to school."

"How did they know it was her?" Itachi asked.

I laughed. "Uh… She signed it. She was proud of it."

Itachi sighed. "Of course she was." He looked at the Monument again and shook his head. "Pein is not going to be happy about this."

"He's not happy about anything." I snickered.

Itachi nodded as he considered my statement. "True." He elbowed me softly. "Come. I could use some sweet tea. And I want to hear more about you two during your high school days before we met."

I smiled. "Okay!" I followed him to another sweet shop and we entered it. We were quickly seated and we ordered drinks, sweet tea for Itachi and hot chocolate for me, and we ordered some funnel cake type stuff.

"What's the dumbest thing you've ever done whilst in the Akatsuki?" I asked, looking at Itachi as we snacked on our spoils.

Itachi chewed thoughtfully before shrugging. "I have never really done anything dumb. However, we have done some immature things to the other members. In particular, Kisame and I enjoy messing with Hidan and Deidara the most. I put a Genjutsu on Samehada so Hidan thought it was his scythe." Itachi smirked. "The look on his face was priceless. Kisame was crying he was laughing so hard. A few nights later, we fed Deidara's hands fish and other foul smelling things for about an hour. The next morning, Sasori almost drowned him, trying to get the smell out."

I snickered. "That's mean, but so funny."

Itachi hummed. "There is always room for pranks."

I nodded with agreement. "Indeed there is."

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

"Run Alice, un!"

I glanced behind me and yelped at seeing Kakuzu's threads hot on my tail. "That's easy for you to say, Deidara. I can't fucking shit out clay birds!"

Deidara pouted as he flew beside me, dodging the puppets Sasori was attacking him with. "I don't shit my art un!"

"Alright, regurgitate then." I growled, screaming when Kakuzu caught me. "Ah! Help!"

I grabbed onto the wing of Deidara's bird and clung for dear life as Kakuzu began dragging me back to him. Deidara swore loudly as his bird crashed into the ground because it was off balance. Sasori took that instance and was able to restrain Deidara with his puppets and chakra strings.

Deidara and I were walking through the village, looking for our next target when we almost ran into Sasori, Kakuzu, Hidan, and Kisame. Deidara noticed their coiled chakra and instantly warned me to run.

I ran, he flew, and that is how we ended up in this situation.

"No Kakuzu!" I whined pathetically as said miser bound my limbs together before tossing me over his shoulder. "Let me go!"

"You should have thought about that before you decided to deface the Hokage Monument while Pein was in the village." Kakuzu told me boredly.

"It was Deidara's idea!" I protested.

"Fuck you Alice, un!" Deidara shouted, glaring as he struggled against Sasori.

"Kakuzu, switch me." Sasori growled, holding Deidara in a headlock.

Kakuzu glanced at him and made to comment until Kisame picked Deidara up and tossed him over his shoulder much like how I was being carried. "I've got him, Sasori." Kisame said with a grin.

"Thanks." Sasori stated. "You two are in serious shit."

"Damn it (un)." Deidara and I said in unison.

We were carried through the village and to the Uchiha compound where we were dumped on the ground before a set of steps. Deidara and I protested until we looked up the steps to see a very unhappy Pein standing above us.

We both paled.

"Shit (un)."

* * *

**First Person Kathryn!**

Itachi and I were on sweet overload as we returned to the Uchiha compound. As we ventured towards our houses, Alice and Deidara came stumbling out of Pein and Konan's house, rubbing their heads and wincing.

"What happened?" Itachi asked instantly, walking to Alice and taking her face into his hands.

She groaned. "Pein's an asshole. I'm going to have a migraine for a month."

Deidara shuffled over to me before dropping his head on my shoulder and wrapping his arms around my waist. "Never again am I doing anything Alice tells me to, yeah."

Alice glared at him. "Fuck you Deidara. Setting it on fire was totally your idea."

"The penis was yours un." Deidara whined.

"Yeah, but if we had just used paint like I planned on doing, it wouldn't have been noticed as quickly." Alice snapped. She winced and grabbed her head again. "Ouch. Loud noises."

"What did he do to you?" Itachi wondered.

"Other than yelling at us at top volume for over two hours," Alice began.

"Which included a God speech by the way, yeah." Deidara added.

"He also hit us in the head more times than I care to remember." Alice finished.

I snickered and kissed Deidara's head. "Come on baby, I'll get you some medicine."

Itachi sighed and picked Alice up. "You just need to sleep."

"Fuck Pein and everything he stands for." Alice whined.

I smiled at Itachi. "I'll see you tomorrow Itachi. I had fun today."

"Likewise." Itachi said softly. "Good night."

I led Deidara to the house and I tended to his head while Danna scolded him and Sanaa hid her snickers from behind him.

Danna looked at me after Deidara had downed his medicine. "What did you do today?"

"Itachi and I just hung out." I shrugged. "Much less eventful than Deidara's day, but it was fun all the same."

Deidara grumbled. "Next time, I'm hanging out with you guys instead un."

I laughed and kissed his forehead. "Sounds good, Dei."

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

I whined pathetically as Itachi put a pack of ice on the back of my head. We were lying in our bedroom now. I had inhaled some medication for my head as well as shot up with my painkillers. Itachi warned me about overdosing but I didn't care. This headache was killing me already.

"This is what happens when you do things you know you shouldn't." He lectured.

"Shut the hell up, Itachi." I grumbled into the pillow. "I've learned my lesson."

He kissed my temple gently. "Good. I'd rather not see you in pain like this again."

I scoffed, wincing at the pain in my head. "Whatever. I could totally tell you were hiding your laughter when I explained what happened to Kisame, Sasuke, and Tiburon."

"At least I had the decency to not laugh at you like our son and Kisame." He told me.

I rolled my eyes. "Hn."

He stroked my hair softly for a moment. "Did you at least have fun before you were punished?"

Smiling, I nodded. "Yep."

"That was quite a display you and Deidara made." He stated.

"It was pretty awesome." I agreed. I glanced at him. "What did you and Kathryn do all day? Did you enjoy yourself?"

He smiled lightly and dipped his head. "I did. Kathryn's company was very enjoyable today. We spent the day talking."

"Did you eat?" I asked.

He nodded. "More than I should have, probably."

I looked at him, noticing the smug glint in his eyes. "You two ate out at sweet shops, didn't you?"

He blinked at me. "What?"

"You heard me." I deadpanned. When he looked away from me stubbornly I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. When your teeth fall out, don't come bitching to me. You're going to get sick."

He waved me off. "I'll be fine, Alice."

"Whatever you say."

An hour later when I was nursing his upset tummy, I just smirked at him and kissed his forehead gently. "I told you so."

He just grumbled. "Shut up, Alice."

* * *

_Enjoy._


	4. Princess Buttercup

_This was spur of the moment and really has no relevance to anything.  
_

_It was just an amusing thought.  
_

_Enjoy.  
_

_I do not own the Akatsuki  
_

* * *

**Third Person!**

"Ouch! Motherfucker!" Alice shouted.

"Shut the hell up, Alice!" Louis barked from his bedroom.

Alice glared at her closed door before looking down and pointing at the silver cat hiding under her bed. "Scratch my foot again you little shit and I'll declaw you myself. Then I'll slit your fuzzy throat with your bloody nails."

Hidan hissed at her, swiping at her foot. "_**Bring it you little bitch. I'll fucking kill you!**_"

"_**Hidan, leave the girl alone.**_" Kakuzu sighed from where he was lying on Alice's pillow.

"_**Your name isn't fucking Shiny!**_" Hidan said angrily.

Alice picked Hidan up by the scruff of his neck. "I don't give a shit how cute and small you are you little silver bastard. I hate cats. I'll feed you to the Pitbull next door."

"Alice! Stop threatening my kitties!" Brett said.

"Then come and get your damn cats then!" Alice said harshly. "I keep sneezing! When I said I didn't care if you got a cat I meant one or two! Not fucking ten!"

"Quit your damn bitching, woman." Louis said, walking into the room. "Give me the cat."

Alice all but threw Hidan at Louis. "Fucking cats. They're lucky they're cute."

Kathryn snickered and hugged Zetsu. "You know, they're probably picking on you to see you react, Momma."

"Then I'll drown them." Alice said. She picked up Kakuzu before holding him as she sat on her bed. "Honestly, I only like George, Kevin, Cutie, Ginger, Kuro, Bruce, and Loofa. The rest suck." She glared at the crimson cat sitting beside Blondie. "And Loofa is iffy."

"You don't like Pumpkin?" Brett asked, shocked as he came into the room and scooped up said kitten.

"Pumpkin trips me on purpose." Alice said. "And Blondie never shuts up."

"_**It's true.**_" Sasori said, looking at his partner.

Deidara hissed at him. "_**Shut up Danna, un. She doesn't like you either, yeah.**_"

Sasori shrugged his kitty shoulders. "_**I don't care if she likes me. In fact, I find her more amusing when she's irritated.**_"

"When you guys get back, Shiny is getting his balls cut off." Alice said. "I'll keep a list of the rest of them."

"Shiny needs his balls." Louis said. "It gives him spunk."

Alice rolled her eyes. "It makes him an asshole."

"_**Touch my balls and I fucking slit your throat and sacrifice your ass, bitch!**_" Hidan hissed.

"_**She can't understand you, idiot.**_" Kisame reminded him, jumping on the bed to walk over to Alice. Alice smiled at him and scratched behind his ear, splitting her attention from Kakuzu to give Kisame some love.

"Well I say no. Shiny's my favorite." Louis said.

"You only like him because he's a prick." Alice said.

Louis shrugged. "Maybe so. But he's my cat."

Brett kissed Hidan's head and frowned when Hidan made to swipe at his face. "Bad kitty." He flicked Hidan's nose. "No scratching, Shiny."

Hidan glared. "_**Ouch!**_"

Brett put Pumpkin on the ground before sitting on the bed and petting Cutie and Ginger. "I like Cutie the most. She's so pretty and proper. She's like a princess."

"_**At least we know the tall skinny one is intelligent.**_" Konan said, leaning into Brett's hand when he pet her.

"What about you, Kat?" Louis asked, sitting on the computer chair with Shiny. He set the silver kitten on the desk beside him, occupying Hidan by scratching behind his ears.

Kathryn tapped her chin. "I dunno. I do like Blondie a lot, but Loofa is a cutie and Kevin is a sweetheart." She shrugged. "You know, I think Pumpkin is my favorite so far because he's so playful. Next would be Kevin or Blondie."

"Pumpkin's my second favorite." Brett said, wiggling his fingers at Tobi who proceeded to hop on the bed to attack them playfully.

"My second favorite is Kevin because he kicked the shit out of Shiny last night. It was random as hell but it was hilarious." Louis chuckled. He plucked Zetsu out of Kathryn's arms and plopped the bicolored kitty in his lap. "Gotta love a skitzo cat."

"Be nice to Kevin." Alice said.

"Who is your favorite, Al?" Brett wondered.

Alice shrugged. "Probably Bruce and George. George always sleeps with me and he's nice. Bruce is the coolest cat ever though. I do like Kuro a lot and Ginger is pretty awesome but he glares at me." She sighed and kissed the top of Kisame's head. "Probably Bruce and second would be George."

"Speaking of Kuro, where is he?" Kathryn asked.

"_**Yeah, where is Itachi?**_" Kisame asked.

Kakuzu glanced at Kisame. "_**On the chair he's always sitting in.**_"

Kisame looked around. "_**Oh, Itachi, how long have you been there?**_"

"_**I haven't moved.**_" Itachi said coolly. "_**It isn't my fault you're oblivious to things.**_"

Kisame pouted. "_**Mean.**_"

"Oh there he is, on the chair." Alice said, pointing at her chair. "He's so black he blends in."

"That sounds incredibly racist." Louis said smirking.

"Shut up, Louis." Alice said. "To you, everything sounds racist."

Louis shrugged. "That's what happens when you grow up as the only white kid in the hood."

"Oh whatever." Alice laughed. "If the neighborhood you lived in was the hood, then I'm the fucking queen of England."

"There are gang members there." Louis said. "I know like ten."

"Drake and his friends don't count." Alice said. "Drake is a big teddy bear. Even if he is in the Bloods, he's still a big baby. Hell, he's almost as sweet as Brett. Give him a kitten and he'll melt."

"So do you." Louis said defiantly, trying to keep his rep up.

Alice stared at him. "Louis, I'm allergic to cats. I melt with puppies."

Kathryn smiled.

Alice made a show of flopping back on her bed and sneezing loudly. Hidan hissed at the loud noise and all of the cats jumped. Alice put her pillow over her face and groaned about cats before sneezing again.

She threw the pillow at Hidan who was still hissing. "Fuck cats! Shut up you shiny little prissy bitch!"

"_**I like her.**_" Sasori said to the room. He hopped on the bed and walked over to Alice before rubbing against her face meaningfully and making her sneeze again.

"Loofa! Get the fuck out of here!" Alice said. "Look at that!" She pointed at Sasori. "He's fucking doing it on purpose! These cats are out to get me!" She jumped. "Ouch! He bit my toe!" She jumped up, disturbing Kakuzu and she grabbed Hidan. "You're going to go and meet Princess Buttercup and her teeth."

"_**Who is that…?**_" Kisame asked as Alice stomped out of the room.

"Alice! You're not feeding Shiny to the Pitbull next door!" Brett said, scrambling after Alice who was carrying a yowling Hidan through the condo.

"_**Apparently it's a Pitbull.**_" Itachi said.

"_**What the hell is a Pitbull, un?**_" Deidara wondered.

Kathryn ran after Alice and Brett, Deidara in her arms. Louis carried Kevin and set off after them. The rest of the cats followed, hoping to figure out what Hidan was getting fed to.

And find out they did.

Princess Buttercup was a massive caramel colored Pitbull with jaws like a shark. She was barking viciously at Hidan who Alice was holding over the fence, waiting to drop him to the dog.

"Alice!" Brett said. "Give him to me!"

"_**Apparently that's a Pitbull.**_" Pein said.

"**That's **_**Princess Buttercup?!**_" Kisame said in shock. "_**That thing is a monster!**_"

Kakuzu seemed smug. "_**I hope she drops him.**_"

"_**HELP ME! I'LL FUCKING BE GOOD! Don't let her feed me Princess fucking Buttercup!**_"

Brett saved Hidan when Alice surrendered him and Alice pointed at the silver kitten. "Piss me off one more time, Kitty, and the Princess will get the meal she deserves." Alice then hopped the fence and greeted the Pitbull who turned from a savage beast into a little angel who wanted nothing more than a belly rub in an instant.

"_**That's so strange.**_" Zetsu said watching Alice essentially suffocate the dog with affection. "_Let's not piss her off._"

"_**Agreed (un).**_" The other members said.

"Awe, you're such a cutie, Princess." Alice cooed, scratching Princess Buttercup's belly and smothering the giant dog with love. She produced a dog treat from her pocket and gave it to the Pitbull. "You go and enjoy this treat okay? You're such a good girl."

When Princess Buttercup trotted away to go and eat her treat, Alice hopped the fence and helped pick up the kittens who were standing on the porch. They carried the cats back to her room and shut the door.

"So now that the cats know what will happen to them if they piss me off, I hope I won't have any more problems." Alice said, picking up Kisame and hugging him. "If all of you behave like Bruce, we'll be the best of friends."

Kisame smirked. "_**I like this kid.**_"

* * *

_My neighbor's Pitbull is named Princess Buttercup and she is the sweetest thing ever. I hate people who think Pitbulls are vicious dogs. People thought the same thing about Dobermans, Rottweilers, and German Shepards. I've had all of them and they were some of the best dogs I've ever had._

_That's not why I made this chapter though. I was just thinking about kittens and then I thought of this story and how pissy Hidan would be as a kitten. Alice's reaction to pissy kittens spawned from that thought.  
_

_This was about the most creative thing I've been able to do for the past two weeks. My depression is getting awful. So don't expect anything good if I ever do update.  
_

_Bye lovelies.  
_


	5. Monsters Are Scared of the Akatsuki

_This is actually a deleted scene that I planned on putting in the actual story but I forgot where I put it in my billions of story files._**  
**

_Besides, it's not long enough for me to make as it's own chapter in the story.  
_

_Lots of cussing. This chapter is focused around Hidan and Tiburon.  
_

_*insert disclaimer here*  
_

_Enjoy.  
_

* * *

**Third Person!**

"Hidan-oji!"

Hidan looked up from polishing his scythe to see Tiburon running into the living room, tears running down his cheeks. Hidan's eyes narrowed and he set his scythe aside, scooping up Tiburon carefully and allowing the tiny Uchiha to bury his face into the crook of his neck and shoulder.

"What the fuck's wrong with you?" Hidan asked with a frown, wrapping his arms around the sobbing child.

Tiburon shook his head and tightened his grip on his uncle of sorts.

"The fuck made you cry, Tibby?" Hidan demanded, grabbing Tiburon under his arms and pulling him away slightly to look into the puffy bicolored eyes. "Tell me. I'll kill whatever fucker dared to make you sad."

"Scary monster." Tiburon whimpered, reaching for his uncle again.

Hidan hugged Tiburon tightly, carding his fingers through Tiburon's silky black hair. He stood up and grabbed his scythe, supporting the boy with one arm. "Let's go find your fucking monster, brat."

Tiburon nodded quietly, peeking out from the crook of Hidan's neck and shoulder. "Kisa said monsters weren't real."

"Then what did you just fucking see?" Hidan asked, glancing at Tiburon.

"It looked like a monster." Tiburon said shyly.

Hidan shrugged. "Then it must be a fucking monster. Don't you fucking worry you little shit. I'll take care of this monster and tell you how to keep them the fuck away, alright?"

"Okay." Tiburon said with a nod.

"Where did you see this asshole?" Hidan asked.

Tiburon pointed towards a large door. "Basement."

"The fuck were you doing in the basement?" Hidan asked.

"Looking for Zetsu." Tiburon said quietly.

Hidan rolled his eyes. "That asshole plant is out on a mission, brat. He's not in the basement."

"Kay." Tiburon said.

Hidan shoved open the basement door and stomped down the steps, his scythe at the ready and Tiburon tucked securely in his arms. When he reached the bottom of the steps he chuckled at what he saw.

The Gedō Mazō was sitting in the basement, forgotten. Hidan sat down on the steps and pulled Tiburon off. He set the shaking toddler on the ground before him and pointed at the "monster". "Is that was you saw?"

Tiburon nodded.

"That's not a monster you little shit. It's a statue. It was used to store chakra back before the shitty Fourth Shinobi War." Hidan said. "It ain't gonna fucking hurt you."

Tiburon's head cocked to the side and he looked back at the statue before looking at Hidan. "So since that's not a monster, does that mean Kisa was right?"

"The fuck he was." Hidan scoffed. "Monsters are real. But they're fucking terrified of the Akatsuki and your stupid fucking uncle."

Tiburon looked confused. "Scared of you? Why?"

"Because they fucking are. We're scarier than any asshole monster that might come after you. Monsters don't always look ugly as fuck and scary. Some of them look just like normal people but they're actually assholes in disguise." Hidan explained, picking Tiburon up and setting him on his lap. "But _all_ of them are scared of us."

Tiburon rested his head on Hidan's shoulder. "So, they won't bother me?"

"You bet your ass they won't." Hidan said with a smirk. "Ya see, those shitty monsters won't hurt you or Sanaa because you're our brats and you're always around us. As long as you're near one of us or Sasuke-chan, no monster will fucking bother you. They won't even enter the damn base because of us." Hidan poked his stomach. "Got it?"

Tiburon nodded. "Okay, Hidan-oji." He hugged his uncle and smiled. "Thank you."

Hidan smirked and stood with him, heading up the stairs. "Don't mention it, brat."

Silence ensued until Hidan reached the top of the stairs. Tiburon tapped his shoulder questioningly and raised his eyebrow. "Hidan-oji?"

"What?" Hidan asked, stopping his ascent to look at his adoptive nephew.

"You said monsters are scared of the Akatsuki and Sasuke," Tiburon said.

Hidan nodded. "Yeah."

"What about mommy?" Tiburon asked. "Are they scared of her too?"

Hidan stared at Tiburon for a moment before exiting the basement, kicking the door shut behind him. He gave Tiburon a serious look as he strolled down the hallway towards the living room. "Tibby, _everyone_ is fucking scared of your mom."

* * *

_And depression has become overwhelming. I have had no motivation to do anything creative. I literally haven't even been able to write my original stories and I've basically just been lying around staring ahead blankly._

_But, I did post the first chapter of the collab story I'm doing with Goodboy-chan. Go and check it out if you so choose.  
_

_Toodles, lovelies.  
_


	6. Home Sweet Home

_Meep._**  
**

* * *

**Third Person!**

Tiburon yawned as he entered the Akatsuki base boredly. He kicked off his sandals by the entrance and shrugged off his Jōnin flak jacket tiredly, eager to just find food, a hot shower, his mother, and his bed.

He was just _so_ freaking tired.

S-ranked missions did that to a person. He was lucky Kōri and Sasuke went with him or he'd probably be in the hospital.

Tiburon stifled another yawn and hung his jacket over his arm as he stomped tiredly towards the kitchen. The second he appeared in the doorway, he was tackled to the ground, however. He grunted weakly as the wind was knocked out of him and he thanked his Uchiha reflexes for the fact that his head didn't crack into the floor.

"Tibby!" Sanaa squealed, kissing him fully. "I missed you yeah!"

Tiburon groaned pathetically, coughing and gasping for air. "Sanaa, get off of me. Too tired. So sore."

Her beaming smile softened and she put her hands over his chest and head, channeling healing chakra into him. Slowly his grimace faded and he smiled softly with his eyes closed. Sanaa smiled at him and pecked his lips. "Better, yeah?"

"Best girlfriend ever." He said, opening his blue eye to smirk at her. "Can you let me up? I'm fucking starving."

Sanaa backed off of him and offered him her hand. He accepted it, allowing her to pull him to his feet. "Icy saved you like three helpings of everything."

"I'll be sure to give her an extra-long hug when I go find her." Tiburon said as he ripped open the fridge, searching for his food. He found it and ripped off the stuff his mother used to preserve it before heating it with a simple fire jutsu through the plate.

He flopped in a chair at the table and began shoveling food into his mouth like a starved wolf. Sanaa giggled at his mannerisms and walked behind him, curling her arms around his neck. She kissed his cheek when he sat up to smirk at her over his shoulder. "How was your mission?"

"Hard as hell." Tiburon said with a sigh. "Sasuke, Kōri, and I were at our limit by the time we reached Konoha. Then after I reported in, I had to run all the way to Ame to give the message to Zetsu and then I hurried here. I'm about out of chakra and my eyes kill."

"I can tell. That's why I didn't sense you when you came in. Otherwise I would have met you at the door." Sanaa said softly, carding her fingers through Tiburon's shaggy hair. She pulled his bangs back out of his face before slipping his forehead protector off. She kissed his forehead, feeding some chakra from the gesture into his eyes to soothe their aching.

"Love you." He hummed, leaning back into her. He looked up at her, smirking when she kissed him upside down. "I missed you."

She smiled, dropping her hands to his shoulders so she could ease the tension in them with a chakra infused massage. "I missed you too, Tibby."

"What's all the fucking noise in here?" A rude voice asked. Sanaa and Tiburon looked around to see Hidan stomp into the room looking a little tired.

"Hey Hidan-oji." Tiburon said with a yawn and a wave.

Hidan grinned. "Hey you little shit. We were wondering when you'd be getting your fucking ass back here."

"I got here as soon as I could." Tiburon said with a scoff. "I haven't slept more than an hour all week." Tiburon got up from the table and put his empty plate in the sink before hugging his uncle. "I missed you guys too much."

Hidan rumpled his hair, a little angry that Tiburon was taller than him by an inch. "Whatever you little bastard."

Tiburon chuckled and raised his eyebrow. "Is everyone else sleeping? I wanna get the hellos out of the way so I can sleep peacefully tonight."

"I think the only one sleeping is Icy." Sanaa told him. "Her back gave out on her yesterday so she's been completely worn down because of the pain."

Tiburon frowned. "Alright. I suppose I'll go see Kuzu-oji before going to see Kitty, Dei, and Danna."

Sanaa grabbed his hand and pulled him to the door. "I'll come with you."

"Alright." Tiburon shrugged. "See you later, Hidan-oji."

"See you brats later." Hidan grunted, digging through the fridge to find something to eat.

Tiburon allowed Sanaa to drag him down the hallway to Kakuzu's room and he knocked for her, pulling her closer and wrapping his arm around her waist, taking a moment to rub his nose against hers and kiss her.

He pulled out of the gesture just in time for the door to be ripped open and Kakuzu to greet them. The stitched miser raised his eyebrow at the vivid blush on Sanaa's face before dipping his head at Tiburon. "Brat."

"Hey Kuzu-oji." Tiburon said, stepping forward to hug his adopted uncle.

"When did you get back?" Kakuzu wondered, returning the gesture with one arm, his free hand rumpled Tiburon's hair affectionately.

Tiburon shrugged. "Like fifteen minutes ago. I stopped in the kitchen to eat and talk to Hidan-oji."

"Ah." Kakuzu grunted. "Well I'm glad you're back kid. Your mom's been driving us all nuts with her paranoia."

Tiburon chuckled tiredly. "Mom will be Mom."

Kakuzu hummed his agreement before bidding the two teenagers goodnight and returning to his room. Tiburon rolled his eyes at Kakuzu's abruptness before heading towards Kathryn and Deidara's bedroom, a small smile on his face.

Sanaa shoved open the door without a care in the world and smiled brightly at her parents. "Mommy! Daddy! Look who just got home, yeah!"

Kathryn beamed. "Tibby!" She raced over to him and wrapped her arms around him, kissing his face and inspecting every inch of him she could to make sure he wasn't hurt. However, seeing the bandages wrapped around his torso she gawked. "What happened?!"

"Lucky shot." Tiburon admitted. "Sasuke managed to Chidori the guy's face off though so no harm done and Kōri's quite skilled at Medical Ninjutsu." He hugged his aunt. "No harm done. Really I'm fine."

"I'll be looking at that later." Sanaa told him with narrowed eyes.

"Alright." Tiburon chuckled. He smirked when Deidara hugged him tightly. "Hey Dei."

Deidara rumpled Tiburon's hair and grinned cockily at him. "Missed you, brat un. You were gone longer than we thought."

"It just took us a while to get back." Tiburon said. "Things went smoothly for the most part. Though that's because we busted our asses to make sure everything went according to plan." He gestured towards Sasori's room. "Danna in there?"

"He should be." Kathryn nodded, kissing Deidara's cheek.

Tiburon poked his head into the room and smirked. "Hey Danna."

Sasori looked up from the scroll he was reading and smirked. "Tiburon, welcome home."

"It's good to be back." Tiburon said with a smile. He grunted when Sanaa crashed into his back. "I missed everyone." He wrapped his arm around Sanaa's shoulders and kissed her temple, being sure to smirk at Deidara and Sasori as he did so. Kathryn merely squealed.

"We'll we're glad you're safe and sound here in the base and in one piece." Sasori told him. "I know your mom will be able to sleep again now. She's been killing herself."

Tiburon frowned at that but nodded all the same. "Alright Danna, we'll talk more tomorrow. I still need to see my parents and Kisa and take a shower. I smell like blood and it's starting to annoy me."

"Night kid." Sasori said dismissively. "Sanaa and I will check out that wound on your side tomorrow when you actually have enough chakra to last through a healing session."

Tiburon chuckled. "So be it. Night." He looked at Kathryn and Deidara. "Night Kitty, Night Dei." He pecked Sanaa on the lips. "Good night, Sanaa. I'll see you in the morning."

Sanaa smiled while Deidara scowled. "Goodnight, Tibby. Sleep well."

"I'll try." Tiburon said. He left Deidara and Kathryn's room before practically sprinting towards his parent's bedroom. He would have Shunshined there if he had enough chakra but that was out of his reach at the moment.

Slipping into his parent's bedroom, he finally felt safe, relaxed, and at _home_. He smiled at seeing his mother sleeping on the bed with her arms wrapped around his father's waist. Itachi was sitting up, reading a book that rested on his lap. Itachi's free hand that wasn't touching the book was carding through Alice's hair absently.

Itachi looked up when the door clicked behind Tiburon and Itachi exhaled audibly with relief and a hint of happiness. He closed his book and eased himself out of Alice's grip before standing up, disposing of his book on the table beside the bed. The Uchiha prodigy walked around the bed at an urgent pace before instantly hugging his son.

Tiburon sighed contently and returned his father's embrace, burying his face into Itachi's chest. "Hi Dad."

"I'm so glad you're home." Itachi said into Tiburon's shoulder. "I was worried sick about you."

Tiburon smiled and tightened his grip on his father. "I'm glad to be home. I missed you."

"And I missed you." Itachi said, pulling away from his son to take Tiburon's face into his hands. He brushed Tiburon's bangs out of his face and frowned at the bags under Tiburon's eyes. "You're tired."

"And I'm almost completely out of chakra." Tiburon said with a chuckle. "I had to see you and mom before I went to bed. I haven't slept in about a week."

Itachi kissed Tiburon's forehead. "Foolish boy."

Tiburon smiled and rested his head on Itachi's shoulder. "Be my pillow."

"How is Sasuke?" Itachi asked with a small smile as he stroked his son's hair.

"He's completely fine and probably deep asleep, the lucky bastard." Tiburon said. He hugged his dad once more before raising his eyebrow. "Where's Cielo? I don't sense his chakra."

"He's in Ame." Itachi said. "He should be back in the morning. Leader-sama needed him to deliver something to his main body."

"Ah." Tiburon said. "So should I see Kisa before Mom latches onto me and never lets me go?"

"It would be wise." Itachi said with a small smirk.

Tiburon nodded and walked around the bed, kissing a graying Sable's nose and patting her head before walking into Kisame's room.

Kisame looked up at the sound of the door opening and his face split as a massive grin erupted on his face. He dropped Samehada on his bed and marched over to Tiburon with two massive strides. He scooped up his shark pup and hugged him tightly. "Tibby."

Tiburon grinned despite himself and latched onto his namesake. "Kisa. Jashin I missed you all."

Kisame squeezed Tiburon closer and sighed. "No more missions. We miss you too much when you're gone. You're far too important to risk losing."

Tiburon smiled. "If I'm not allowed on missions than neither are you."

"Well Alice would be pleased." Kisame chuckled, setting Tiburon back down. He rumpled the young Uchiha's hair. "I'm happy you're home, Pup. Any issues?"

"Not really. Some guy landed a pretty lucky hit on me but Kōri patched me up easily." Tiburon said, gesturing at his side. "Sanaa and Danna are going to take care of it in the morning."

"Have you seen your mom yet?" Kisame asked.

Itachi, who was leaning against the door frame scoffed. "You wouldn't have had a chance to hug him if he had. Alice would still be hogging him."

Tiburon grinned a grin identical to his namesake's.

"Go see your mom, kid." Kisame said. "She's been dying without you."

"I was only gone for three weeks." Tiburon said.

Itachi stroked Tiburon's hair when he walked by him. "That is three weeks too many, Tiburon. Your mother and I can barely go without seeing you for one day."

Tiburon smirked and hugged his dad again before walking over to the bed and climbing on it. He rested on his side in front of his mother and he stroked her hair for a long moment, feasting his eyes on her sleeping face.

He missed her.

He was a Mommy's Boy through and through.

Tiburon leaned forward and kissed his mother's cheek. "Mom."

Alice's breathing shifted and she snuggled further into her pillow. Tiburon smiled and kissed her cheek again.

Alice frowned and scratched her nose against the pillow. "Tachi, quit. Trying to sleep."

"It isn't me, Alice." Itachi said from beside Kisame.

Alice's frowned deepened. "Kisame."

"Nope." Kisame chuckled.

Her bow creased. "Hidan?"

"He better not be kissing you." Itachi said with a frown.

**First Person Alice!**

I sighed with defeat and opened my eyes, curious as to who was kissing my cheek. I was greeted by the smirking face of easily the most adorable and precious face ever. I would know that shaggy hair and those bicolored eyes anywhere.

My baby was back.

My baby was _home_.

"Tibby." I whispered.

His smirk softened into a smile. "Hi Mommy."

I sat up instantly, ignoring my back's protest and I grabbed my baby and I jerked him into my arms. He chuckled and returned my hug, almost eagerly. He buried his face into the crook of my neck and shoulder and sighed contently. I copied him, stroking his hair almost obsessively.

"My baby." I cooed, rocking him slightly. "I've got you, Tibby, and I'll never let you go."

Tiburon smiled into my shirt and tightened his grip. "I missed you, Mommy."

"I missed you too, Tiburon." I said softly, kissing his head. I pulled back to smother his face with kisses and inspect his person. I had a slight flip out over his injury but he quickly soothed me and resumed hugging me.

His head was on my shoulder, basically sitting in my lap as I held him. I continued to stroke hair, staring at nothing as I simply relaxed and enjoyed the fact that my son wasn't dead and he was here, with me, sitting in my arms like he used to when he was small enough to actually fit sit on my lap.

He was built different than Itachi, having inherited the thicker build of the men in my family on top of the height of the men on my mother's side. He was growing still, getting taller every time he came home from a mission, and his muscle mass almost matched Kisame's.

He was huge, but he seemed to fit perfectly into my embrace.

Itachi smiled at us and bade Kisame a good night before walking over to the bed. He sat beside me, soothing Sable with soft words before kissing the side of my head and Tiburon's cheek. I smiled at him and rested my head against Tiburon's, noticing for the first time that Tiburon had fallen asleep and was using my shoulder as a pillow.

I smiled. "Poor thing. He must be exhausted."

"It's been a week since he last slept." Itachi said, brushing his fingers over the bags under Tiburon's eyes. "His chakra levels are dangerously low as well."

I frowned and tightened my grip on Tiburon. He subconsciously returned the gesture, holding me tighter and sighing contently, finally able to relax now that he was home.

"Can he stay?" I asked.

"You have to ask?" Itachi asked. "I would be shocked if he didn't and rather unhappy too."

I smiled. "Kay."

Itachi got off of the bed and tried to detach Tiburon from my person so he could put Tiburon on the bed correctly. Tiburon, however, did not want to let go of me. He frowned in his sleep and tightened his grip on me.

"Tibby," I whispered. "Tibby baby you need to let go of me so we can go to sleep."

He just tipped over with me in his grasp. Our heads landed on the pillows and he scooted over slightly with me to make more room for Itachi. His grip on me never changed but he did relax even more when Itachi found a spot behind me and kissed Tiburon's forehead.

Itachi wrapped his arms around my waist and turned out the light. I sighed contently and held our son while my husband held me. Soon enough, sleep took us and it was the best sleep I had had in a while.

* * *

_Hoped you liked it. Spur of the moment chapter._


	7. No Means No

_This idea came from a friend. :/_

_It's short so I was able to write it.  
_

_Enjoy lovelies.  
_

_Less than three you all.  
_

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

"No. Absolutely not." I said stubbornly, shaking my head.

Tiburon groaned and tossed himself back against the couch. "Mom! Come on!"

"I mean it Tiburon. No." I said.

He made a pathetic pouting noise. "You're so difficult! I'm not a baby anymore Mom. I'm fourteen!"

I nodded. "Exactly, you're fourteen. You're far too young for that. No means no, Tiburon." I looked up as Itachi walked into the living room. "Itachi, tell your son that when I say no it means no."

Itachi sat beside me and wrapped an arm over my shoulders before looking at Tiburon. "Listen to your mother, Tiburon."

"But Dad!" He whined. "She's being overprotective! I can do this. I _want_ to do this! You're letting Cielo!"

"Pein requested that I not give Cielo shit for it but if I could have, I wouldn't have let Cielo either." I said simply.

"What are you two talking about?" Itachi asked, raising his eyebrow.

I dipped my head in Tiburon's direction. "Our _fourteen-year-old son_ wants to join ANBU."

Itachi frowned. "And you're not letting him?"

"Itachi, he's fourteen." I said.

"I was an ANBU captain by the time I was thirteen." Itachi said. "And comparing my skills then to Tiburon's now, I would say Tiburon is fully capable of being in ANBU."

Tiburon gestured at his father with both hands dramatically. "Thank you, Dad! See mom?!"

"I don't like the thought of my teenage son running around on suicide missions where you and I can't watch him." I said firmly. "I'm against it."

"Alice, they won't start him out on suicide missions. He'll be on a team for a long while before they let him go off on solo missions and his team will most likely have a medic and I'm certain Sasuke and Cielo would demand to be with him. You can request teammates if you want."

"Mom!" Tiburon said pleadingly. "Please? I want this. I never ask you for anything. ANBU agents have approached me like fifteen times since we've come to Konoha, asking that I join them. Pein's even mentioned how useful I would be as an ANBU agent."

"I'm glad you are asking us for permission, Tiburon, but you do know that technically, because you are a ninja, you're an adult. If you want to join ANBU it is technically your decision and not ours." Itachi said. I glared at him but was cut off before I could say anything.

Tiburon sighed. "I know, Dad. But Pein won't take me unless you and Mom say I can join and Tsunade wouldn't consider getting on Mom's bad side for letting me join ANBU without her permission."

I ran a hand over my face as Tiburon gave me his pouting face and resorted to begging. "Tiburon, please don't ask me to let you risk your life."

"Mom, I promise you that I'll be fine." Tiburon said seriously. "Danna is letting Sanaa join ANBU. I want to be there to protect her. Cielo, Sanaa, and I can form our own team with Sasuke as the captain at first. Mom, don't hold me back. Please?"

"Alice, I have faith in Tiburon's abilities." Itachi said, kissing the side of my head.

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Fine. You can join ANBU. But the second you're rushed to the hospital because of an injury on a dangerous mission is the second I pull you out. And you will stay out until I think you're ready to return to duty. Am I understood?"

"Yes!" Tiburon said happily. He shot forward and hugged me tightly, kissing my cheek and squeezing me excitedly. "Thank you so much, Mom! I love you! You're seriously the best mother ever!" He kissed me again before sprinting through the house, whooping loudly.

I looked after him with a small smile on my face before sighing. "I'm going to die."

Itachi chuckled and kissed the side of my head. "It will be alright, Alice. Sasuke would never let Tiburon get hurt and Sanaa is an excellent medic if by chance he does get hurt."

I rested my head on Itachi's shoulder and closed my eyes. "I still worry."

Itachi made to comment but was cut off by Tiburon running back into the room and hugging me again. "Thank you!"

I grabbed him before he could run away and pulled him back to my person. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his forehead. I held him for a time, stroking his hair while he radiated excitement. He seemed content to let me pet him because he knew this was a hard decision for me.

"Please be careful." I muttered into his hair.

He smiled and nodded. "I always am, Mom." He rested his head on my chest, his arms wrapped around me as he pretty much sat on my lap and Itachi's.

"When is your initiation?" Itachi asked.

"I have yet to tell anyone I'm joining." Tiburon said with a smile. "I just ran out to tell Sanaa. I'll have to let Sasuke know so I can join soon."

"Well, now that Sanaa knows, everyone in the village will know soon enough." Itachi said with a sigh. "Are you joining Konoha's ANBU or Ame's?"

"Both." Tiburon shrugged. "Pein gets first dibs though what with me being Akatsuki and all."

"Good." I said approvingly. "That means you won't have to leave me for so long."

He chuckled and nodded. "True." He looked at his father. "So, are you and mom allowed to see me get promoted?"

"We better be or someone will die." I said seriously.

Itachi chuckled and nodded. "Yes, though we will not be allowed to see you get your mask. ANBU agents are not supposed to be identifiable."

"But they so totally are." I said with a smirk. "You could totally tell which ANBU was Kakashi because of his hair. You kind of stood out too."

"True." Itachi said thoughtfully.

I squeezed Tiburon and kissed his forehead. "I love you so much, Baby."

He grinned. "I love you too, Mommy." He hugged me tighter. "Always will."

* * *

_Tibby's a hardcore Mama's boy._

_See you awesome people later.  
_

_Second chapter for my newish story is up. Check it out if you so choose.  
_


	8. Escaping Daycare

_Enjoy. I own only four of the proper nouns in this chapter. If they are Asian and they actually sound like they should be from Naruto, they're not mine._**  
**

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

"Why do we have to do this again?" I asked, glaring at Itachi. "Remind me when other people earned the right to tell me what to do with my own child."

Itachi sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand before kissing my forehead. "Alice."

"I'm waiting." I said with a frown, tapping my foot impatiently as I waited for him to tell me what I already knew. Just because I knew, didn't mean I had to agree with it.

He closed his eyes and stopped walking. "Pein-sama has ordered that we utilize the daycare here in the Hokage tower so we can have a meeting with Tsunade-sama without having Tiburon and Sanaa as distractions."

"I. _Don't_. Trust. Other. People. With. _My_. Baby." I said threateningly, jabbing Itachi in the chest between each word.

Itachi bent towards me to put his face inches from mine. He frowned at me and fixed me with a stern, Sharingan equipped gaze. "I don't either, Alice. He is my son too. However, we have our orders and I would rather get this meeting over with."

I kissed him lightly before staring down the hallway again. "Your glares don't scare me. I find it sexy, not intimidating. Sorry Weasel."

Tiburon, who was in my arms, giggled at Itachi's eye roll and hugged my neck. "Mommy, where we going?"

"We're taking you and Sanaa to the daycare here in the Hokage tower so you can play with some other kids and so us boring adults can talk about boring stuff." I told him, making a face.

He mimicked my face. "I don't wanna play with other kids. Other kids don't know how to throw kunai right."

I kissed his forehead. "Tibby, you have to be social. Interacting with other people gives you an opportunity to spy on them and learn their strengths and weaknesses so you can have an advantage over them in later years."

He stared at me, his mouth open in an "O" as he made sense of what I was saying. The gears in his brain were working a thousand miles a minute.

"You're turning our son into a spy and he just turned three." Itachi said with a smirk.

"Whatever. My baby can already hit a target twenty yards away with perfection. He can be a spy if he wants." I told Itachi simply.

Itachi adjusted his hold on Sanaa who was still sluggish from her nap and smirked at me. "Very well, Alice."

"Mommy, can Sable stay with us?" Tiburon asked, looking at Sable who was trailing behind Itachi and I.

"Of course she can, Baby." I said. I turned down another hallway and turned into the first room, frowning when the sound of childish laughter reached my ears. The strange smell that came with a room full of gross brats filled my nose and I felt my glare sharpen.

I _**hate**_ kids.

Except for _my_ babies.

My kids didn't smell and they didn't suck like everyone else's kids did.

"Alice-san! Uchiha-san!"

I glared at Ebisu and clutched Tiburon tighter. "Oh hell no. I am not leaving my baby here with the closet pervert!"

Ebisu drooped pathetically when Konohamaru and his team laughed at the Special Jōnin.

"Who else is here?" I demanded.

"H-hello Alice, Uchiha-san."

I glanced to my left and smiled at seeing Hinata. "Hinata! What are you doing here?"

"I-I was given a mission to help with the children today." Hinata told me simply. She pointed to a trio of preteens struggling with a baby. "M-My team and I are working with them."

I smirked. "Ah, D-rank missions."

Tibby pointed at Hinata. "Nata!"

Hinata smiled at Tiburon and walked over to me. She took him from me when he stretched over the space between us to hug her. Her smile softened when he hugged her and she hugged him back. "Hi Tiburon."

I smiled at her and glanced at Itachi. "Well Hinata, since you're here I feel a little bit better about leaving my babies here. Pein's bitching about my lack of concentration because of Tibby at meetings to he's making me bring the kids here."

Hinata dipped her head, getting a little more confidence. "I'll watch over Tiburon and Sanaa-chan, Alice. You don't need to worry."

"Told you." Itachi said simply.

"Yeah yeah." I said dismissively. "Tibby, give me a kiss so your dad and I can go be boring."

Tiburon looked away from Hinata to smile at me. He reached out and allowed me to take him again before giving me a kiss and hugging my neck. I hugged him back and kissed him before trading him for Sanaa.

I covered Sanaa's face with kisses, enticing giggles and she hugged me tiredly. I set her down when I was done with her and Tiburon quickly joined her, running to hide behind her to escape Itachi's tickling.

"Alright." I sighed. "Hinata, I'm leaving Sable here with the kids okay?" When she nodded I kissed Sable on her head. "Sable, stay with Tibby and Sanaa. Tibby, you be good and listen to the adults here. And _no_ traps. Sanaa, you just be good."

Sable barked and licked my face before plopping her fuzzy butt down beside Tiburon and cocking her head to the side at me. Sanaa and Tiburon voiced their obedience.

"Good." I praised. "Alright, Sexy Weasel, let's go."

Itachi rolled his eyes at my nickname before trailing after me absently, taking my hand when we left the room.

**Third Person!**

Sanaa frowned when Alice and Itachi disappeared around the corner and she tugged on Hinata's pant-leg. "Nata, where Icy an' Tachi go?"

Hinata smiled down at Sanaa. "Alice and Uchiha-san are going to talk about adult stuff with Hokage-sama and Pein-sama." She patted Sanaa's head before holding out her hand for the two year old. "Come on Sanaa-chan, Tiburon, let's go and play with the other children."

Tiburon watched Sanaa take Hinata's hand and follow her over to where the other kids were playing together with a trio of genin and Konohamaru and his team.

Tiburon frowned at their games of playing with immature toys and chasing each other around the room. He wanted to go and be with his mother and the other adults. He could practice his aim by flicking stuff at Hidan-oji and Sasuke. He could practice his sneakiness by trying to avoid his father, Kisa, and his mother's watchful eyes.

Being in here would not help him be a better ninja.

Tiburon huffed with annoyance and started for the door, aiming to follow after his parents.

He had almost reached the door when he was plucked off the ground. "No, no, Tiburon-kun." Ebisu said in a scolding tone. "Your mother said for you to stay here."

Tiburon struggled. "Ebisu, put me down!"

"I will not if you're trying to escape." Ebisu told him. He made to continue but thought better of it when Sable started snarling at him.

He set Tiburon on the other side of the corral where the other children where before joining the toddler on the other side. Sable hopped over the corral and licked Tiburon's cheek, growling at Ebisu until she was noticed by the other children.

"Doggy!" A brown haired boy said excitedly.

Tiburon glared at him. "Sable's a wolf! Not a dog."

Sable just wagged her tail and sat down, allowing all of the children to run over to her and give her attention.

She knew she was beautiful.

Tiburon sighed, watching the other children, when he noticed Ebisu and Hinata were engaged in conversation. Konohamaru, his team, and the genin team were too busy talking to each other and complaining about the kids.

Tiburon smirked.

He could totally escape.

He looked towards Sanaa to see her sitting on Hinata's lap, holding her owl stuffed animal tightly as she listened to Hinata and Ebisu talk. Tiburon shrugged before turning around to face the wall that separated him from the door.

He could jump over it if he used chakra, but then that would give him away and his father had sternly told him to never use his chakra without him there to watch so Tiburon knew that was out of the question.

His next option would be Sable. He could climb on her back and she would hop him over the fence and find his mother for him. However, to get her attention, he would have to take her from the other kids and that would give him away.

No, Sable wouldn't do.

There were blocks he could use to get him over the wall and he wasn't worried about the drop on the other side. It would take time and he would have to avoid suspicion, but it could work.

Tiburon turned around from inspecting the wall to assess the giant foam blocks around the room and nodded.

Yes, the blocks would work perfectly.

Tiburon sighed boredly, hoping to avoid attention, and he grabbed a block and lifted it up, kicking another towards the wall. He could use two but that wouldn't be very sound. Better to have four to make sure it didn't give out under him.

Tiburon placed the blocks against the wall in a spot that clearly cut off Hinata and Ebisu from his actions. The younger Shinobi in the room could see him if they looked but he knew they wouldn't be as suspicious of him as the adults would.

Tiburon placed second pair of blocks against the first and he climbed on them before pulling himself onto the wall. He risked a glanced towards Ebisu and Hinata to see they were still talking. Smirking to himself, Tiburon dropped to the other side and began sneaking towards the door.

He slipped out carefully and grinned with triumph when he made it into the hallway without being discovered. Tiburon snickered and started for the steps, hoping to find his parents.

Tiburon had just emerged onto the intersecting hallway when he was scooped up. "Tiburon-kun!"

Tiburon struggled against the spirited man holding him. "Gai! Put me down!"

"Tiburon-kun, you wouldn't be running away from the daycare would you?" Gai asked, giving Tiburon a knowing grin.

"No…" Tiburon said, avoiding Gai's gaze.

"Tiburon-kun."

Tiburon pouted at being caught.

"Ah Tiburon-kun, your youth brings me such joy." Gai chuckled good-naturedly before caring Tiburon back to the daycare. He handed Tiburon over to Ebisu. "He is filled with youth, Ebisu-san! Make sure you watch him or else Alice will not be so youthful when she is beating your head in!"

Ebisu sweat-dropped. "Thank you, Gai-san."

Gai gave him a thumbs up, rumpled Tiburon's hair, winked at Sanaa, and then bounded from the room like the goofball he is.

Ebisu looked down at a sheepish Tiburon. "Tiburon-kun."

Tiburon just smiled guiltily at the Special Jōnin.

Ebisu rolled his eyes behind his glasses and set Tiburon down, asking him to stay in the daycare.

Tiburon said he would simply to pacify the man. He had no intentions of staying in the daycare. He wanted out.

Tiburon quickly realized that his method of escape had been discovered and the blocks were put up, much to his dismay. Sable was still being fawned over and chakra was out of the question, so Tiburon had to think up a new way to get out.

He sat on the edge of the room, watching his fellow toddlers and his caretakers carefully. His eyes widened with interest when he saw Moegi escort a little girl out of the corral through a door and to the bathroom on the other side.

The door was on the other side of the corral by Ebisu, but he was sure he could take care of that. He just needed a little help.

Tiburon walked over to Sanaa and sat beside her after a few minutes of careful planning and setting things up. He tapped her knee when she didn't immediately look at him. Sanaa looked up from her coloring and smiled at Tiburon. "Tibby!"

"Sanaa, you gotta go potty?" Tiburon asked.

Sanaa screwed up her face as she thought his question through. She shook her head, messing up her hair a little with the exaggerated movements. "No."

"You sure?" Tiburon asked, poking her stomach.

Sanaa giggled and nodded. "Yeah."

"Sanaa, I need you to go to the potty with Nata." Tiburon told her.

"Why?" Sanaa asked, cocking her head to the side.

"Because you have to go potty." Tiburon said.

Sanaa frowned. "Nuh uh."

"Please Sanaa?" Tiburon asked. "For me?"

Sanaa stared at him with a frown before nodding. "Kay."

Tiburon grinned and returned to his spot to get his plan in motion. Hinata smiled at Sanaa and picked her up, exiting the corral and carrying Sanaa into the bathroom. The second Hinata left the corral, Tiburon started his plan.

"Ebisu!" Tiburon said. "I need your help!"

Ebisu looked around at Tiburon and got up. "What is it, Tiburon-kun?"

Tiburon pointed at the giant toy box to make Ebisu walk over to him. "I can't get something from under the toy box. Will you help me?"

Ebisu nodded and walked over to Tiburon. "Of course."

Tiburon smirked when Ebisu stopped right where he expected him to and he kicked the trigger on his trap. Ebisu's knees were knocked out from under him because of the large ball that came crashing into the back of his legs. He then went head first into the toy box which Tiburon then shut and locked with a toy hammer.

Tiburon grinned before running over to the corral door. He opened it with little difficulty because of watching the adults and older kids opening it so many times. He then ran out of the room.

"Hey, Ebisu-sensei, what happened?" Konohamaru demanded when he was able to contain his laughter at his mentor's fail, helping his teach out of the toy box. "What are you doing in there?"

"Tiburon-kun happened." Ebisu said, holding his pounding head. "Where is he?"

Landing on little plastic blocks with ridges with your skull does not feel good.

Konohamaru looked around the room and groaned when he didn't see the little Uchiha anywhere in sight. "Crap."

"He must have run off." Ebisu said with a sigh.

"Double crap." Konohamaru sighed. "Moegi, Udon, let's go. We're going to find Tibby! He's run off."

"Kay!" Moegi said cheerfully.

The three Chūnin hurried out of the daycare and split up, heading in different directions to try and track down the child.

Konohamaru quickly found Tiburon at the top of the steps and he sighed with relief. "Tibby!"

Tiburon looked around and frowned before taking off down the hallway. Konohamaru groaned and hurried after the toddler, praying he found Tiburon before he either got hurt, lost, or hurt someone else.

And, of course, before Alice found out.

Unknown to Konohamaru, Tiburon had no intentions of being caught and was currently setting up small traps on the room he had ducked into. Satisfied that his tripwire would slow down his pursuers for a time, Tiburon left the room through a side door and began running down another hallway.

He was _not_ going back to that daycare.

**First Person Alice!**

I sighed boredly as I entered the daycare with most of my morons after an incredibly boring meeting. I smiled at Sable when she darted over to greet me and I kissed her nose before walking over to the edge of the corral.

Sanaa looked up from her coloring at the sound of our arrival and she shot to her feet before running over to us. "Sori-Danna!"

Sasori reached over the wall separating him from his brat and he scooped her up, allowing her to latch onto him. "Hello Brat."

Sanaa just hugged him. "Missed you."

I smiled at their cuteness before looking around for Tiburon. When I didn't immediately see him, I looked around for Hinata and Ebisu. I found Ebisu sitting on the wall, rubbing a large lump on his head. "Ebisu, where's Tiburon?"

Ebisu looked up and he paled. "Alice-san… Tiburon-kun is in the bathroom!"

I glanced at the boys' bathroom. "With who?"

"Konohamaru." He said instantly.

"Alright." I said. "Kisame, go get him please."

Kisame shrugged and walked towards the bathroom.

A second before Kisame opened the door to the bathroom, Moegi came bursting into the daycare. "Ebisu-sensei! Tibby caught Konohamaru in a trap on the second floor and we can't get him out of it! Tibby keeps evading us. We haven't been able to catch him yet."

Ebisu lost all color when Itachi, Sasori, Deidara, Hidan, Kakuzu, Kisame, and I all turned to glare at him. Kathryn was too busy snickering about what Moegi said.

"In the bathroom, huh?" I asked, crossing my arms.

He whimpered.

Hinata came out of the bathroom with a little girl and raised her eyebrow at us. "Alice?"

"Tiburon's gone and escaped." I said with an exasperated sigh. "Let's go look for him guys before he destroys the building."

"No need."

I looked around towards the door to see Pein walking into the room with Konan, Zetsu, and Tiburon. Tiburon was tucked under Pein's arm, looking incredibly sheepish. Konohamaru came in with Udon a moment later, a giant red mark on the side of his face.

"Tiburon." I sighed. "I said _no_ traps."

Tiburon just slumped and sighed. "Sorry Mommy."

I waved my hand dismissively. "Whatever. You never listen to me. Why did I think you'd start now?" I took Tiburon from Pein and glared at the pierced ginger. "And _you_ wanted him to go to daycare. Do you see my point yet from when I said that would be a bad idea?"

Pein rolled his eyes and flicked my forehead. "Be quiet, Alice."

"As you command, my fearless Leader." I said with a cheesy bow before looking at the ninjas in charge of the daycare and a crap load of brats. "All of you should be ashamed of yourselves. You were outsmarted by a three year old."

Tiburon stuck his tongue out at them and grinned mischievously. "Ha!"

I poked his nose, frowning at him. "Don't you 'Ha' them, Tiburon Shisui. You're grounded."

Tiburon pouted heavily and drooped his head. "Okay Mommy."

Did I mention I dislike kids?

I'm getting too old for this crap.

* * *

_Yeah... bout dat._

_Anyways, I'm doing NaNoWriMo :) If you don't know what that is, look it up. If you want to be a writing buddy with me, feel free to find me and add me as a writing buddy.  
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_Bye.  
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	9. Spartan Kicking for Veggies

_Fun note down below. Any fan of my stories might want to read it.  
_

_Disclaimer: Is it _really _necessary for me to keep doing this?_**  
**

_2+ OCs.  
_

_Enjoy if possible.  
_

* * *

**Third Person!**

Did you guys know that some vegetarians can get sick easily?

They can.

And today, Kathryn's decision to be a veggie was kicking her in the ass.

She was sick, and that meant that she couldn't come to school. So I went to school without her. She was left back at the condo that was full of criminals.

Good idea?

No. Not a good idea.

Currently, I was sitting in the cafeteria with my psychology class. Our teacher was out for a Mock Trial competition or something so my class was required to sit in the cafeteria with the study hall. Thank Jashin that Sethy-Poo has study hall this period.

Or I wouldn't have anyone to help me keep my anger in check.

… Yeah.

I sat at the back table against the window with Hoot, Courtney, Erika, and Sethy-Poo. A few sophomores and freshman were mingling around us with a couple of other juniors, leaving the five seniors to have their own table.

Did I mention I hate freshman?

And did I tell you that I happen to despise the people in my school?

Well I do.

I was drumming my fingers boredly on the table, raising my eyebrow whenever Seth would try to get a piece of paper past my fingers without it getting caught by the digits.

I don't know either. He's a boy. What can you expect?

Anyways, while I seemed rather inattentive and distant, I was actually listening to everything going on around me.

And I did not like some of the topics of discussion.

A sophomore slid over to sit beside Hoot and nudged the bearded teen. "Hey Hoot?"

"What?" Hoot asked.

"Isn't that Kathryn chick supposed to be in your class?" The kid wondered. "You know, the really skinny hot one with the long legs and the huge tits."

"She's sick." Hoot informed him, glancing at me briefly when I clicked my tongue in disgust. "Why?"

The kid raised his eyebrows. "Do you think she'd go out with me?"

I snorted.

Fuck no she wouldn't.

She has Deidara. I've never seen her so happy and I know that she would never willingly give up her blond bomber and her happiness because of some brat who only liked her for her body.

You'd have to kill her. And you'd have to kill me. Her happiness is my main priority and if that meant keeping her with Deidara for the rest of her life than so be it.

Hoot looked kind of creeped out and he frowned at the kid. "Probably not."

"Why not?" He questioned.

"Kathryn doesn't date down. Plus, she has a boyfriend." Courtney informed him, resting her head on Hoot's shoulder to look over at the underclassmen. "Besides, you're definitely not her type. You're too big of a douche-bag."

The kid rolled his eyes and scoffed, trying to act like his pride wasn't wounded. "Whatever. She seems like a childish bitch anyways. I mean, she skips more than she walks so she can't be too smart. I just assumed she was easy because of how hot she is."

_**What?**_

Oh _hell_ no.

This guy was going down.

Seth tensed when he saw my fingers stop drumming and he glanced at me when he heard my knuckles crack in anger. Hoot slid away from the kid, trying to put some distance between his person and the object of my anger. Courtney just smirked, knowing what was coming.

"You do realize that you just said that in front of her best friends right you dumbass?" Seth asked, grabbing my shoulder.

"So?" The kid said with a scoff as he raised an eyebrow as if challenging me and I snapped.

That little shit was asking for it. Apparently he was a moron because he either didn't know who I was or he wasn't afraid of me. Either way, he was about to learn not to disrespect my property and thus disrespect me.

I got out of my seat with one fluid motion, shrugging Seth's hand off. I was standing on the table in the next second and I Spartan kicked the fucker with my steel-toe boots straight in his disgustingly, disrespectful and rude face.

_No one_ talks about Kathryn like that in front of me.

**Third Person!**

Kathryn blew her nose and shuddered under the blankets. "Dei, I don't wanna get you sick. You don't have to stay in here with me."

"As if I would leave you, un." Deidara scoffed kissing her forehead.

She smiled at him. "I love you. You're so sweet."

He kissed her nose lightly, smirking when she scrunched up her face. "I love you too, un."

"Awe, that's sweet." Sasori said boredly from the doorway. Deidara shot him a look while Kathryn smiled weakly at him. He smirked at Deidara's reaction and looked at Kathryn. "Are you feeling okay kid? Do you need anything?"

Kathryn shook her head. "I'm good Danna. Thank you though."

He patted her head gently. "Ask if you need something."

"Yeah, hurry up and get the fuck better." Hidan barked, walking into the room. "It's too fucking quiet around here."

"I wish it was quieter." Kakuzu added, joining his partner. "Though, that would require you to die. And none of us are that lucky."

"Fuck you Kakuzu." Hidan snapped.

Kathryn giggled. "You two are so goofy." She jumped when the phone started ringing. "I wonder who that is." She glanced towards the door when Pein appeared at her side with the cordless phone in his hand.

"Here." He said, offering her the phone. "Should we answer it?"

Kathryn took the device and looked at the caller ID. She frowned when she saw it was the school. "Here Pein-sama, you answer it. It's the school. I'm sick I can't do it."

He narrowed his eyes and accepted the phone from her, holding it awkwardly. "Why would the school be calling?"

"I don't know." Kathryn shrugged. "Answer it."

Pein nodded and answered the call, holding the phone up to his ear. "Hello?"

"_Hello this is Becky from the high school calling for Alice Park. Is her guardian available?_" Becky asked. Pein raised his eyebrow.

"This is him." Pein said dismissively. "Is something wrong?"

"_Alice instigated and participated in a fight today. She will receive a three day suspension for her actions and you are required to come and pick her up from the school._" Becky explained. "_The boy she got in a fight with has declined pressing charges so you won't have to worry about showing up in court._"

Pein scowled. "I see. I will be there to retrieve her immediately."

"_Thank you. I will let her know._" Becky stated.

"Is she able to speak to me?" Pein wondered.

"_No, she isn't. She had to be restrained by four other students before two of our teachers were able to bring her to the office. Right now, one of the students is attempting to calm her._" Becky explained. "_She is very angry and she has already broken a door off of the hinges._"

Pein sighed. "Very well. I will be there soon."

"_Thank you. Have a nice day._" Becky said shortly.

Kathryn raised her eyebrow when Pein ended the call. "What's going on?"

"Alice got into a fight at school today." Pein said with a deep sigh.

Itachi, who had entered the room just a few seconds behind Pein, raised his eyebrow. "What?"

"Hell yeah!" Hidan laughed, grinning broadly. "That's my crazy bitch!"

Kisame was laughing as well, so was Deidara. Sasori was shaking his head with amusement on his face while Konan giggled along with Kathryn. Kakuzu just raised his eyebrow with a small chuckle.

"It is exactly as I said." Pein stated. "I'm going to pick her up from the school." He glanced at Itachi. "Would you care to come, Itachi?"

"Yes sir." Itachi nodded.

"I'm coming." Konan added. Pein dipped his head.

"Come, we go now." Pein stated.

**First Person Alice!**

I crossed my arms across my chest as I waited for whoever was called to come and get me. I seriously wondered who Becky talked to, because she totally said my father was coming to get me. And I did _not_ want to see my dad.

I had enough of him a long time ago.

I sat across from the kid I kicked the shit out of. He was nursing his broken nose, busted out teeth, and black eyes with a huge block of ice in a baggie. He looked like he was just mugged because of all of his injuries as well as the massive fucking bruise on his face that resembled my steel-toe boots very well. I smirked in victory at him but my smirk stopped when Seth elbowed me.

"What?" I asked, glaring at the adorable teen beside me.

"Behave." He sighed, rumpling my hair. "Don't get into more trouble you idiot."

I shrugged and rested my head on his shoulder. "Shut up Sethy-Poo. All of this ass-kicking is making me tired."

He laughed his awesome laugh at me and patted my head, allowing me to use him as a pillow.

After I had kicked the shithead in the face, he had flew out of his seat and landed on the cafeteria floor on the other side of the table. I followed him, taking the time to grab him by the collar of his shirt and punch him in the face a few times before Seth and Hoot restrained me.

A few of our other friends, Chad and Aaron had rushed over to help them while Courtney tried to calm me down with words. They held me back long enough for the principle Mr. Corral and the Economics teacher Mr. Hatfield to come in and force me into the office.

I broke one of the already shabby cafeteria doors during my attempt to break out of their grasps.

Finally after being forced into Mr. Corral's office and soothed by him and Seth, I was allowed to take a seat in the office to wait for someone to come and get me. Mr. Corral had declared I was too angry and dangerous to drive so leaving on my own was out of the question.

"Uh… Alice?" Seth began, tearing me out of my catnap.

I opened my good eye to look at him. "Hn?"

"Isn't that Pein?" He asked, pointing outside of the office.

I followed his point and I almost laughed seeing Pein and Konan walking into the office. Itachi followed them inside a second later, his eyes searching the room until he found me. He stared at me calmly while Pein talked with the secretaries.

"Can I help you?" Becky, the idiot newbie asked. Had it been one of the other secretaries, who all knew me, they would have known he wasn't my dad and they would know he wasn't Louis. They wouldn't have even called someone but would have just told me to call Louis. But, Becky's and idiot and it can't be helped.

"I am here for Alice." Pein said with authority.

"Hey dad." I called, smirking at him.

Konan looked around and smiled when she saw me.

"Hi mom." I added, winking at her.

"Ah, hello sir. You'll just need to initial here. Seth already filled out the rest of the information for you." Becky stated. I saw her looking at Pein with a shocked expression. Whether it was from his piercings or his undeniable hotness, I wasn't entirely sure.

Pein raised his eyebrow but wrote something on the paper. I assume that he just scribbled.

He's so fucking awesome and professional.

Jashin I love him.

"Seth, you can go back to class now." Becky added.

Seth shrugged and stood up with me. I threw a glare at the bruised idiot I beat up but walked out of the office, meeting Pein, Konan, and Itachi at the door. Once we were outside the office, I smiled at Pein.

"So yeah, sorry about this _Dad_." I said, rubbing the back of my head.

Pein stared at me. "I expect an explanation when we get home."

"What? No 'young lady' business?" I asked in mock disappointment. "I don't get a scolding or threatening? Where is the grounding and removal of privileges? Jashin… no wonder Hidan and Deidara are such unruly kids. You're an awful father, Daddy."

"Alice." Pein stated.

I smiled. "Yes papa?"

"Shut up." He sighed.

I laughed. "Right-o Daddy-o!" I looked over my shoulder when Pein face-palmed. "See you Sethy."

"Bye Alice." He called.

I followed Pein and Konan out of the school, holding Itachi's hand. I walked to my car and Pein sat in the front seat with me while Konan and Itachi sat in the back.

Once we got home, I was confronted by a congratulating hug from Hidan.

"Good fucking work you crazy bitch!" Hidan laughed.

I smiled at him, but my smile was short lived as Pein pointed to the kitchen and I was herded inside to begin my lecture. I was forced into a seat and he sat across from me. "This is more fatherly of you, papa." I told him but his expression showed he was serious so I shut up.

"Explain." He said calmly.

I sighed. "I started a fight a school. And I sure as hell finished it too." I informed him. "I would have killed the asshole if Seth and the others wouldn't have pried me off him.

Sasori chuckled from the doorway. "You're so violent."

"Because you have room to talk." I shot back.

He paused. "Good point."

"Why did you start a fight?" Pein asked.

"The fucker deserved it." I told him. He raised his eyebrow so I sighed. "He insulted Kathryn in front of my face, so I jumped up on the table and kicked him in the face. Courtney recorded it. I expect it will be sent to me shortly."

"Oh my god Alice that kick was awesome!" Kathryn called from upstairs.

I smirked. "See?" I looked down as my phone vibrated. I smirked seeing it was the video from Courtney. I played the video and snickered before handing it to Pein.

Konan and Itachi watched it with him.

"Alice." Itachi said in a scolding tone. "You could have killed him. You were wearing heavy boots."

"I wish I would have." I muttered.

Hidan ran into the room and hugged me. "I'm so fucking proud of you."

"You are going to be a horrible parent and role model." I smiled, hugging him back. "He's promoting violence."

Kakuzu chuckled. "Impressive Alice."

"Such praise." I sighed. "Are you mad at me Pein?"

He stared at me. "No I'm not but I assumed I should play the part." He gave me a tiny smirk. "That was a nice kick."

"Score! I was just complimented by the leader of Akatsuki." I punched the air. "I'm such a winner. Sasori is nothing compared to me."

"Shut up or I'll kick _you_ in the face." Sasori chuckled.

I laughed and smashed one of the bananas from the kitchen table on his shoulder. "Suck it up puppet bitch!" I hurried from the room to hug my veggie because I needed to spend some quality time with her before Sasori killed me.

"ALICE!"

* * *

_Fun Fact: This has actually happened minus the involvement of fictional characters._

_Note: So, life sucks as a whole. My mom plans on getting another puppy when I come home for Christmas break so I'll have time to train it and whatnot because she doesn't know how. She wants a female Rottweiler so I'm super excited.  
_

_Bo is getting bigger and bigger every time I go home to see him. He now speaks and attacks on command. He knows the basic sit, stay, down, paw, roll over, come, etc. He's still a little asshole, but that's to be expected since he is my dog.  
_

_Finals have started. My first one will be tomorrow and then I have the last three on Monday.  
_

_Kathryn got engaged to her boyfriend when he got out of Airforce bootcamp. I'm going to be the maid of honor. I'm super excited for her and she's really happy so that means I'm happy.  
_

_My roommates are fine and soon winter break will start. Other than that, you guys are awesome and I miss you.  
_

_PM me if you want to chat.  
_

_Toodles, lovelies. That's all I've got for today.  
_


	10. Lady of the Rings

_I have no idea what this is._**  
**

_Mainly just one OC warning.  
_

_I do not own Naruto.  
_

_I literally have no clue why I wrote this. It was a spur of the moment and once I started I couldn't stop.  
_

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

"Hey babe?"

No response.

"Sexy Man."

He remained silent.

"Weasel~."

The quiet continued.

"Weasel-butt."

He was unresponsive.

"Itachi Uchiha!"

"What Alice?" He asked, looking away from the scroll he was reading.

I scowled at him. "The hell is your problem? Are you losing your hearing in your old age? I addressed you four times before you responded."

He rolled his eyes and returned his attention to his scroll. "I know Alice. I heard you the first time. I assumed you would have just continued talking and I would have responded when I was required. I did not know you expected me to actually physically or verbally acknowledge you since I am so attuned to your presence." He said smoothly. He glanced at me and his eyes narrowed slightly. "And I am not old."

Smirking, I sat beside him and kissed his cheek. I brushed his bangs out of his face before pausing. "Is that a gray hair?"

He just stared at me. "You're hilarious."

"I know." I said dismissively. "Anyways, what are you doing?"

"I'm reading." He said. When I gave him a look, he allowed the corners of his lips to twitch in amusement. "It is a scroll on nature chakra."

"Looking to become a sage?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No. But I find it rather interesting and I try and be knowledgeable of anything that can potentially kill me."

"Fair enough." I said. I pressed my forehead to the side of his head and sighed deeply, leaning into him. He turned his head to kiss me before looking back at his scroll. He wrapped an arm around my waist and allowed me to lean against him while he read.

"Wasn't there something you wanted?" He asked.

"Just wanted to hear your voice." I said. "I'm sure there was something before, but I forget what it was so it must not have been that important."

"Hn."

I turned my face into the crook of his neck and shoulder and I kissed him, smiling when he shifted his head slightly to give me more access to his skin. I nipped him, snickering at the twitch his body did in response.

"Alice." He scolded.

"Yes love." I said obediently, leaving his neck alone. I turned my attention to his hand, which was resting on my lap, and I grabbed it. I inspected his hand carefully before turning my attention to the Akatsuki ring on his finger.

He ignored me while I twisted the ring gently around on his finger and basically molested his hand because I was so bored. His ring was pretty. It was nice, smooth silver with a gorgeous red gem in the center. The kanji for vermilion was embedded in the gem and the entire thing caught the light in the room nicely.

Curious, I pulled the ring off his finger, smiling a little when I saw the impression the ring left on his finger. Itachi glanced at me briefly but otherwise didn't react to the fact that I was stealing his bling.

I slipped his ring on the ring finger of my right hand and was unsurprised to see it was too big. I was about to take it off and try one of my other fingers when the ring moved. And by moved, I mean reshaped itself to fit perfectly on my finger.

"That's fucking awesome." I said.

"What is?" Itachi asked.

I showed him. "Your ring."

He kissed my temple. "It adjusts to fit its bearer. Otherwise, anyone who came after someone as large as Kisame would need a completely resized ring. We would have gone through a few by now."

"It's like it has a mind of its own." I mused.

"The rings are all covered with seals and they were created with seals and special jutsu. There is even Genjutsu on it." He said as he resumed reading.

I poked the ring. "Awesome."

"Hn."

A sudden idea came to mind and I smirked to myself before getting up. I grabbed Itachi's face and kissed him fully, pinning him to the bed and making him move the scroll so I wouldn't harm it.

I kissed him for a minute before letting him go and skipping towards the door that connected our room to Kisame's. "Love you, Tachi."

He just blinked, utterly confused at my methods.

I slipped into Kisame's room and pounced on the shark who was tending to Samehada. "Hey Kisa."

"Hello there squirt." He said, grinning at me over his shoulder. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing." I said. "Can I see your ring?"

He blinked. "My ring?"

"Yeah." I nodded.

"Sure." He said, taking it off and handing it to me. "What do you want to see it for?"

I poked his nose. "Just curiosity. The fact that they adjust to fit the person wearing them is awesome." I put his giant ring on my left ring finger along with my wedding and engagement rings and I smiled when it basically shrunk four times smaller than it had been before.

My hands weren't exactly small. They weren't long at all, but I had thick fingers so I had to usually get very large rings. Kisame's hand, however, was like a fucking bracelet.

He blinked. "Huh… I didn't know they did that." He inspected his ring on my hand. "How did you know they did that?"

"Itachi." I said.

"Say no more." He said with a chuckle, turning back to Samehada.

I wrapped my arms around Kisame's shoulders and kissed his cheek. "Shrimp for dinner?"

"You spoil me." He said, grinning.

"Only because I love you and you deserve it." I told him. I hugged him tightly before getting up. "See you Kisa!"

He waved at me as I left his room through the main door. I smirked to myself, wearing both Kisame and Itachi's Akatsuki rings. My hands felt heavier with them on, but I wasn't worried about that.

Now that I had started this little game, I was determined to finish it. I just needed to find my next victim.

Speaking of victims, here comes my best buddy.

"Hey you!" I said, glomping my good, close, personal friend.

He glanced down at me and patted my head. "Sup bitch?"

"Whatchya doing?" I asked.

"Just cleaned up from a fucking ritual. Why?" He asked.

I shrugged. "Curiosity."

"Whatever. The hell are you doing running around?" He wondered.

"No reason." I said. I grabbed his hand, ignoring his question as to what I was doing, and I looked at his ring. "I like your ring."

He raised his eyebrow at me. "Alright?"

"Can I see it?" I asked.

"I don't give a shit." He said with a shrug as he let me take it off.

I slipped it onto the proper finger and watched it adjust to fit me. "Still awesome."

"What the fuck are you babbling about?" He asked.

"Nothing." I said dismissively. "Where's Kakuzu?"

"Probably in his fucking room." Hidan said.

I nodded. "So how was your ritual?"

He grinned at me. "I did it fucking perfectly. That asshole died all nice, slow, and with a good, long, fucking scream. It felt fucking awesome."

I smiled at him. "Good. That's what I like to hear." I kissed his cheek before heading towards the kitchen. "I'll see you in a bit, Hidan. I need to go ask the others what they want for dinner. I planned on making you some of the ribs in the freezer."

"Sounds good bitch." He said, rumpling my hair.

I gave him one last smile before heading towards Deidara's room. Deidara was my next target and then I'd get Sasori. I'd have to try and find Zetsu before I went after Kakuzu because that miser would be the tough one to crack.

I was certain I could find where they put Orochimaru's old ring. Sasuke had shown Zetsu which base it was and Zetsu had gone to find it. Pein was pleased as punch he got his ring back and he planned on giving it to either Cielo or Tiburon depending on which one wanted it and would be more useful to him.

I quickly found Deidara in his room. Kathryn was with Konan and Sanaa and they were doing each other's nails and decorating one of the larger rooms of the base so it could be a hangout for the females of the organization.

"Hey Dei."

Deidara's hair bounced as he looked up from the piles of stuff he was sitting in front of. He grinned at me and waved with a messy hand. "Hey Alice, un!"

I smiled at him. "What are you doing?" I walked over to him and sat across from him, inspecting the piles of stuff around him.

He gave me his cocky smirk. "I'm making my clay, un." He pointed to large, wet, gray blob. "I went and got that this morning from one of the lakes, yeah." He extended one of his hands and the mouth there bit off a mouthful of clay. "I feed my chakra into it with my Kekkei Genkai, and then I put gunpowder or sulfur in it, whichever I want. Then I use my hands to mix it all together to make it the medium I use for my art, un."

I blinked. "Whoa. Interesting system you've got there, Deidara." I poked the clay. "What does it taste like?"

"The new clay tastes awful." He admitted. "Like mud and dirty water, un." He gestured at the gunpowder. "Gunpowder's not so bad and the pure sulfur smells good so it's bearable. When it's all mixed together, it actually tastes just fine un. Doesn't really taste like anything after a while of using it as much as I do yeah."

"That makes sense." I said. "You do all this with your ring on?"

He looked at his hand. "Yeah, un."

"Doesn't it get dirty?" I asked.

"I do wash my hands, you know un." He said with a grin.

"Thank Jashin." I said, smirking when he scowled at me. "Let me see your ring."

He pulled it off his hand and offered it to me. He dropped it in my palm before flicking his wet, clay covered fingers at me and getting me with some of the water clinging to his skin. I threw a piece of clay at him and he chuckled when it stuck in his hair.

I inspected his ring and put it on, nodding with approval when it fit without needing to change size. Deidara's fingers were longer than mine, but they were pretty much the same size towards the knuckle.

"So, Dei," I said, distracting him from his clay shaping, "what do you want for dinner?"

He shrugged. "Whatever you feel like making is fine, yeah."

"Well, I'm making ribs for Hidan and shrimp for Kisame because I have some of both in the kitchen and I need to get rid of them. I have stuff to make you bakudan if you want that."

"Sure, un." He said with a smile. "Thank Alice, yeah."

"Don't mention it." I said dismissively. I got to my feet and rumpled Deidara's hair, telling him to make me a pretty clay figure, before heading for Sasori's room. I went inside of it, ignoring Deidara's protests to me messing up his hair, and located the puppet master.

Sasori glanced at me from his position on his bed. The Third Kazekage was out and resting before him on the bed as he dipped blades into a large bucket full of a silver liquid on the floor in front of him.

"Hey Danna." I said.

"Alice." He replied. "What brings you here?"

"Boredom." I admitted. I sat beside him on the bed and watched him hold a sword in the liquid for a moment before taking it out and wiping off the dripping liquid with a rag. "Adding poison to your puppets?"

He nodded. "I just finished making a new one a few days ago. It's stronger than my last one and a lot harder to identify."

"Sounds cool." I said. "What's it do?"

"It eats away at the victim's insides, eventually eating holes into the blood stream, through the organs, and through the flesh until their body is nothing more than a pile of steaming liquid." He explained. "It took me a while to get it perfect. I had to Hidan and Zetsu out to get me test subjects quite frequently."

I smirked. "I'm guessing they both bitched you out?"

"Like you wouldn't believe." He said with a sigh.

"Before you get more poison on your hand again, let me see your ring." I said.

He paused and looked at me. "Why?"

"I want to see if your fingers are as big as mine, goober." I stated. "Ring please."

He rolled his eyes and pulled his ring off before giving it to me. I twisted it around in my fingers before slipping it on. It was a little small at first, something I teased him about, but it soon grew to fit me perfectly.

"So, I was thinking, since you're such a poison master," I mused thoughtfully, watching him pour some of his new poison into a sphere that he informed me was like a smoke bomb only more lethal, "that I could look up some poisons for you on the internet and you could use them if you so choose."

He glanced at me. "Sounds interesting."

"The internet is quite the interesting place." I agreed. "I can probably find all kinds. I'll write a few down when I'm bored tonight with nothing to do and show you when we're both not doing anything."

"That sounds just fine to me." He said, going back to his bomb making.

I got up and stretched. "Well, I'm going to start on dinner now. I'll see you later, Sasori."

"See you." He said.

I opened his door and made to walk out when he stopped me. "Do you still have my ring?"

"No." I said quickly.

"Then where is it?"

"On the bed somewhere." I lied. When he started looking through the blanket, I made my escape.

I located Zetsu's room and snuck inside, taking care to avoid stepping on any of his potted plants, I went to the door that connected his room to his garden. I slipped inside and looked around. "Zetsu?"

"What is it, Alice? **Why are you in our room?**" He asked, popping up behind me through the wall and scaring the ever-loving-shit right out of me.

"Holy fucking hell, Zetsu." I said, grabbing my chest. "You scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry. **I'm not.** Be nice." He said. "Did you need something?"

I took a deep breath before calming down. "Uh, I don't really need anything. I just have a question."

"**Shoot.**"

"Well, I'm making a bunch of stuff for dinner and I wanted to know what you wanted." I said. "There is some raw meet in the freezer I can warm up for you if you want. I can cook it however you'd like. I'm making ribs, bakudan, and shrimp so far. I'll probably make some dango and stuff for desert if Itachi behaves."

He shrugged. "**That will work. We ate a big meal earlier.** Something small, like the meat in the freezer, will do just fine. Thank you, Alice."

"Of course buddy." I said. "So, I have another question for you."

He raised his eyebrow.

"When you phase through things, your clothes phase through it too." I said. "Is that because they're touching you or is because they're specially made to mold themselves to your chakra or whatever?"

"**Interesting question. No one has ever asked us that before. **We've never thought about it. It's probably because it touches us. **The cloaks are specially made for each member so that might have something to do with it. **But our shoes are nothing special and neither are our under things."

"I get it." I said. "What about your ring?"

He inspected his hand. "Probably like our cloak."

"Can I see it?" I asked.

He pulled it off and offered me it in his palm. I picked it up and inspected it curiously. "Did you know these things change to fit the wearer?"

"**Yes.** We helped make them. **Well, we helped put the seals and jutsu on them.** Leader put the Genjutsu on them while Tobi did the rest."

"Interesting." I said, putting it on the proper finger. "You have big hands."

"**Yeah.**"

"You know what they say about big hands right?" I said with a smirk.

He shook his head. "No. What do they say?"

"Big dick." I stated.

Zetsu's white half sputtered while his black half laughed his ass off.

I smiled at his reaction and hugged him. "Well, Zetsu, I'll see you at dinner. I need to go and start cooking."

He patted my head, still laughing and blushing. "**Ha, alright kid. See you.** Bye Alice. Honestly you two…"

I snickered to myself as I left his garden and made my way towards the kitchen. I quickly started making food and preparing it, careful not to damage my bling or get my new, temporary jewelry dirty.

While I waited for the water to boil for rice, I left the kitchen and located Kakuzu. Said miser was stitching up holes in Hidan's cloak with his stitches while he wrote down stuff in the notebook he kept all of the organizations financial information in. The stitches moved of their own accord and he didn't even bother watching their work as they expertly fixed Hidan's cloak. Said Jashinist was nowhere to be seen.

I know it was Hidan's cloak from the amount of holes in it.

"Hey Kuzu." I said.

"Alice." He greeted. "Need something?"

I sat on an empty space on his desk and looked at him. "You want some liver for dinner tonight? I have two in the freezer that I need to get rid of at some point."

He shrugged. "Sure. Sounds good."

"How do you do that?" I asked.

"Do what?"

"Sew stuff so well."

"I'm old. I've been doing it for a while." He glanced at me. "Not to mention, Hidan is my partner. I have had years of practice with him alone."

"Good point." I said thoughtfully. "So, when your hand hardens with your jutsu and you punch stuff, aren't you ever worried your ring will bust?"

He looked at his ringed hand. "No. It has enough protection on it to where I don't have to worry about it. Every now and again, we'll all be summoned into Leader's office and we'll have our rings inspected to make sure the seals and stuff on it are still intact. If it needs to be repaired, we repair it. If not, we either leave it as is or Pein might have something else for us to add to them." He showed me his hand. "These rings are powerful little things."

"Can I see it?" I asked.

He pulled it off and tossed it to me. I caught it and rolled it around in my hand before putting it on. "Pretty. Yours is thicker than the other members' rings."

They all looked pretty much the same despite the different colors and kanji, but some of them varied in band size and whatnot. Kakuzu's ring was really thick, almost heavy. Kisame's was bigger than the others' but his wasn't as large as Kakuzu's.

"I prefer to be able to have the weight distributed evenly throughout the entire ring rather than it being heavier where the stone is." He stated, going back to his writing. "It helps keep my punches and throw perfectly accurate when my hand isn't off balance because of some ring."

"Makes sense." I said, running my fingers over his ring.

"You're going to be four short."

I blinked. "What?"

"I'm not blind. I see that you've stolen rings from the others." Kakuzu said. "You're not taking mine." He held out his hand. "Give it."

I pouted and gave him back his ring. "You're the first one to catch me."

"None of the others did?" He asked, putting his ring back on.

I shook my head. "Sasori almost did, but I managed to get out of it."

"Ah." He said.

"I distracted everyone." I said, shrugging. I showed him my hand. "I even got Zetsu's."

"I can see that." He stated. "Orochimaru's ring is in Leader's office. So is Leader's and Konan's I'm sure."

I waved my hand. "I didn't plan on getting Pein or Konan's. Pein's working and Konan's elusive so I figured Leaders were off limits. Oh well."

Kakuzu patted my head. "Go make food, kid. Maybe next time."

"Yes sir." I said, giving him a salute.

I quickly made food for everyone, making their favorites as promised, including the kids, Pein and Konan's. I made some dango for Itachi too and I had just finished setting everything up when I called for them to come and get it.

Hidan was the first to arrive. He got himself a large plate and filled it with food before heading to his chair. Tiburon and Cielo came in a few minutes later bickering about their last mission.

Sanaa skipped in with Konan and Kathryn directly after them, soon followed by Kisame and Itachi. Sasori strolled in, his nose buried in a scroll. Kakuzu trailed in behind him with Pein and Deidara brought up the rear.

All of them, besides Deidara and Sasori, went straight for the food. Sasori's reason was obvious and Deidara took a moment to wash his hands with the "better" soap in the kitchen.

We all ate together peacefully and by peacefully I mean only one food fight between the immature members and kids, Hidan got stabbed by Kakuzu, I smacked Tiburon for cussing, Sasori walloped Deidara in the head for chewing with his mouth open and talking loudly in his ear, Zetsu threatened to eat Kathryn, Itachi and Tiburon got in a glaring match over dango only to team up on Kisame when he stole one of the sticks for himself, and Pein yelled at all of us for being hoodlums at the table.

Yes, he said hoodlums.

It totally made my day.

After dinner, we all sat at the table chatting like we usually did before I decided to do dishes, and we enjoyed each other's company.

Kathryn was petting Deidara when she noticed something different about him. She grabbed his hand and inspected it for a minute before frowning.

"What, un?" He asked, looking at his hand.

"Where's your Akatsuki ring?" She asked.

I put my hands under the table, shooting a look at Kakuzu when he smirked at me.

Deidara cocked his head to the side. "I have no idea, yeah. I don't remember taking it off."

"Brat, you should take better care of your things." Sasori said.

"Sori-Danna, yours is gone too." Sanaa pointed out.

Sasori looked at his hand and blinked. "What?"

Pein entwined his fingers, his ring very much on his thumb. "You mean to tell me that you both lost your rings?"

"They've got to be here somewhere." Kakuzu said. "Unless, of course, you two lost them while you were on a mission or something."

"There's no way." Sasori stated. "I'm not that oblivious."

Kakuzu just raised his eyebrow while I hid a smile.

"Kisa, yours is gone too." Tiburon pointed out, grabbing Kisame's hand.

"That's strange." Kisame stated.

"Who else is missing their ring?" Pein asked, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Hidan, Itachi, and Zetsu all raised their hands.

"Where was the last time you saw them?" Konan asked, touching Pein's hand to keep him from killing everyone.

"Fuck if I remember. I never fucking take it off." Hidan said.

"Same." Zetsu said.

Itachi frowned slightly, trying to remember. "I never take it off either, but…" His gaze flicked to me. "Alice."

I looked at him. "Yes?"

"Give me your right hand." He said, holding out his hand.

Half pouting, half smiling, I gave him my hand. He nodded. "I found my ring as well as Deidara's and Zetsu's."

"Oh yeah!" Deidara said. "I was showing Alice my ring earlier. I thought she gave it back though, un."

"**As did I.**" Zetsu said.

"Apparently not." Kakuzu stated.

Itachi pulled his Deidara and Zetsu's rings off of me and tossed them to their owners. He left his alone, instead picking up my left hand. "Kisame, Sasori, Hidan, your rings are here as well."

"I completely forgot about letting her see my ring." Kisame said, accepting his ring from Itachi.

"I thought you said you left it on my bed." Sasori stated, glaring at me while putting his ring back on.

I sniffed. "I might have lied."

"'Might have'?" Hidan scoffed. "You fucking thief."

"It's not my fault you're all easily distracted." I said. "All I had to do was mention food around most of you and you completely failed to remember that I had your rings. I just had to pretend I was interested in what you were doing, which for most of you I was, and you dorks forgot all about your rings." I gestured at Itachi. "All I had to do was act like I was going to rape him and he disregarded his ring entirely."

Itachi shrugged, unembarrassed. He didn't give a shit that I had his ring as long as I didn't lose it. And I didn't. So he didn't care.

Besides, he likes it when I attack him.

"Alice." Pein said with a sigh while Kathryn and Sanaa laughed. Kakuzu chuckled, Konan smiled and my boys snickered to themselves.

"Pein." I replied. "The only person who knew what I was up to was Kakuzu. That's why he still has his ring. He let me see it and everything but me talking about food didn't distract him. He called me out on my scheme and got his ring back." I said. I took off Itachi's ring and put it back on his hand. He caught my hand before I could let him go and he kissed the back of it gently before releasing me.

"You sneaky little bitch." Hidan said.

"You guys are the ones who encourage my kleptomania." I said.

Itachi kissed my forehead. "You are always the last one we suspect when our things go missing."

I shrugged. "What can I say? I'm more ninja than all of you."

They all scoffed. "Yeah right."

* * *

_So... Amazon..._

_I love it. I got so much shit from it recently.  
_

_I have Itachi and Hidan's necklaces. I have Gaara's tattoo and the Konoha leaf as necklaces. I have two Akatsuki shirts and an Akatsuki cloak. I have all of the RvB seasons, a Deathly Hallows necklace, Slytherin socks, a Zelda hoodie, All of Hellsing Ultimate, and all ten rings of the Akatsuki.  
_

_On second thought, the rings might be why I wrote this.  
_

_Though I got the rings, I'm a little unhappy with them. Not all of the colors are right. Hidan's ring is supposed to be orange and they made it green. Kakuzu's ring is supposed to be dark green and it's blue. The only ones they got perfect were Kisame and Itachi.  
_

_Which, really, to me, is what is important. :)  
_

_They are good quality though, which is nice, and I only spent like 30 bucks including shipping and handling.  
_

_Side note though: I posted a new oneshot yesterday. It is a present for my cousin, but everyone who has read it so far says they got a kick out of it. So, if you haven't already read it, feel free to go and check it out.  
_

_I hope everyone had a good holiday and whatnot. I go back to college the 7th which I am dreading but other than that, I've been sick for two weeks!  
_

_Yay sickness!  
_

_Anywho, there is a facebook fan page for the kitty trilogy if you're interested. I'll post the link on my profile page. It's literally called Kitty Trilogy and the picture is the Akatsuki cloud in a moon. But yeah.  
_

_Toodles my lovelies. I miss you all.  
_


	11. The Power of Pouting

_This is just a little something I typed up on the fly in like... 15 minutes.  
_

_I'm currently bored in my blanket fort in my dorm while everyone else is sleeping.  
_

_Only two OCs. Enjoy if possible.  
_

_I do not own Naruto. If I did, I wouldn't be bored in my dorm. (I would probably still be in a blanket fort, however).  
_

_Blanket Forts FTW!  
_

* * *

**Third Person!**

"What are you doing, Itachi?" Kisame asked as he joined Itachi up on top of a building. They were in Konoha for the time being while Pein and Tsunade worked up a system for sharing Tiburon and Sanaa as well as one for Sasuke and Naruto to come and work for Pein when and if he needed them since she was stealing Sanaa and Tiburon.

Itachi glanced at his partner for a second before returning his gaze to the scene he had been watching. "Watching."

Kisame followed his gaze and raised his eyebrow. Alice was on the street below them, cooing at a dog that some elderly woman was walking. "Why are you watching Alice from way up here?"

"I don't want to disturb her." Itachi said. "She is allowed to do things on her own sometimes, Kisame."

"I know that, Itachi. But, I seriously don't think she would mind having you walk around with her. She does kind of worship the ground you walk on." Kisame said.

Itachi didn't respond for some time, content with watching Alice say goodbye to the dog sweetly before another animal caught her attention. It was another canine this time, but it was a group of puppies inside a pet store window. She plastered herself against the window and tried to send them her love through the glass.

"Do you ever just watch her, Kisame?"

"I beg your pardon?" Kisame asked.

Itachi gestured at Alice. "Do you ever watch her when she's by herself?"

Kisame shook his head. "I don't really follow Alice around from a distance. If I'm going to watch her, I'm going to partake in her company."

Itachi allowed a small smile to grace his features. "I find it incredible."

"Explain, please, before I take you to an asylum." Kisame said.

"I enjoy watching her smile when she talks to someone she knows. When she's in a good mood, she's almost happy to greet other people and talk to them. I've noticed she is most at ease around elderly people, gentle around children, and outgoing around those in between. Her smile and the happiness in her face increase more when she talks to someone she loves." He closed his eyes and sighed. "However, when she sees an animal, her face almost lights up. It is like a completely different person took her place. All of the tension she usually carries with her wherever she goes vanishes completely and replaced by pure affection when she sees a dog or something."

Kisame chuckled as he watched Alice get weird stares from people walking by her. "She does really like dogs, doesn't see?"

"Sable always makes her feel better." Itachi said. "Even when she is in pain or angry, Sable is able to make her better in ways I cannot."

Kisame glanced at Itachi and smirked. "You know, Itachi, Alice does seem really happy when she sees dogs and stuff. But I've seen her even happier."

Itachi glanced at him. "Oh?"

Kisame nodded. "Yep. When she sees you, it's like you're the only thing in the world." He patted his partner's shoulder. "And it is the same when you're with her too, you know. I think the only person who gets the same level of love from both of you is Tibby."

Itachi didn't respond. Instead he just watched Alice with a smile on his face.

"Well, Tibby and me of course. She always has liked me more than you." Kisame said.

"If it helps you sleep at night, I will not correct you." Itachi said.

Kisame stood up and patted Itachi's shoulder once more. "I'll see you later Itachi."

"Kisame." Itachi said in farewell.

"Oh and Itachi?"

Said Uchiha glanced over his shoulder.

"Two things." Kisame said. "One: stop being creepy and following Alice around. And two: she knows you're up here. She's the one that told me to come up here."

Itachi blinked as Kisame disappeared with a splash of water and he looked around to see Alice staring at him from the opposite side of the street. She had her hands on her hips and a smirk on her face as she watched him.

He sighed and dropped down from the building he was on before walking over to his wife. He stopped about a foot from her and raised his eyebrow. "Am I in trouble?"

"That depends. Why were you following me?" Alice asked.

He shrugged. "I enjoy watching you interact with those around you, especially animals."

Alice stared at him. "You're a creepy stalker, you know that, right?"

"And you're not?" He asked.

"We're not talking about me and my issues. We're talking about you and yours. If we started on me, we would be fifty by the time we got a quarter of the way down the list." She said dismissively.

"I only follow you." He said. "You follow quite a number of people."

Alice paused. "Fair enough." She stepped closer to him before she kissed his nose. "You're not in trouble."

"Good."

Alice grabbed his hand and tugged on it. "Come. You get to walk around with me."

"As you wish."

They walked down the street for a time together in silence, just enjoying the company, before Alice broke the silence. "Itachi? Do you love me?"

"More than anything." He assured her. "Why?"

"You know how you could prove your love to me?" Alice asked.

Itachi sighed. "We're not getting another dog."

Alice slumped. "Why not?" She scowled. "Sable is a _wolf_. We can get one of those instead. I don't care."

"Sable is alive and well." Itachi said. "She requires your attention. Another pet will not allow her to be the only center of your world."

"Sable needs a friend! And she's not the only center now! You and Tibby share it with her."

"Tiburon is a sufficient friend. He plays with her more than you do. And we still have Ash and Cielo around ninety percent of the time."

"But—"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"I'll make you dango."

"No, Alice."

"Itachi!"

"Alice, stop making a scene. We're not getting another pet."

"But I'll be good!"

"This does not constitute as being good."

"Itachi!"

"No."

"Please?"

"Alice, stop doing that. You look like a child."

"I'll stop if you let me get one."

"That isn't going to work."

"Please Itachi?"

"Will you quit bouncing up and down like a toddler and pulling on my arm?"

"Don't avoid my begging!"

"We are not getting another pet."

"You hate me!"

"I most certainly do not."

"Yes you do! You hate me! I would let you get another pet!"

"I don't want one."

"Why not?"

"Sable is more than enough."

"But you love Sable."

"I do love Sable, and I don't need another pet to split her affection."

"Itachi!"

"Alice, I will gag you."

Alice scowled at Itachi and pulled her hand out of his grasp. "I'm not talking to you anymore."

Itachi sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Alice."

She turned her back on him.

"This trick is not going to work, Alice. No means no."

She ignored him.

"You are worse than Tiburon."

No response.

"Alright. If you refuse to quit behaving like a child, we're going home. I'll sort you out there."

Alice avoided looking at Itachi and talking to him as he picked her up and carried her back to the Uchiha compound. He set her before the table in the kitchen after taking her inside the manor.

"Who pissed her off?" Sasuke asked, looking up from his lunch.

"I did." Itachi said.

Sasuke raised his eyebrow. "Oh?"

"I won't let her get another pet." Itachi explained.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Alice, you don't need another pet. You already treat ninety percent of the Akatsuki, most of Konoha, and _me_ like pets, and you have Sable. Sable is huge, Alice."

Alice scowled at him.

"Thank you, Otouto." Itachi said.

Sasuke looked at him. "Don't say that. Then she won't make me food."

Alice's glare intensified.

"Alice, do you really need another pet?" Sasuke asked.

Alice nodded before turning her pleading eyes on Itachi. She looked utterly pitiful as she gaze up at him, doing her best to look like a lost, kicked puppy.

Itachi avoided looking at her. "Stop that, Alice."

She continued to stare at him.

"Whoa, who is making Alice sad?" Kisame asked. "Itachi, kiss her or something so she'll put that away. I hate it when she makes that face. I feel like a horrible person."

"She's mad at me. I already told her to quit." Itachi said, his back to Alice.

"Why is she mad?" Kisame asked.

"I said no to her getting another pet." Itachi said.

Kisame raised his eyebrow. "Why?"

"We don't need one." Itachi stated.

"Let her get a dog." Kisame said. "It's not like she won't take care of it. Hell, Sable gets better treatment than the rest of us."

Alice gestured at Kisame, breaking her concentration. "Fucking thank you, Kisame!"

Itachi sighed and turned around to look at her. "You're missing the point here."

Alice went back to her pouting face.

Itachi turned away again.

"Itachi, she's not going to let this go." Kisame said. "Just let her get one."

Itachi glared at Kisame. "No."

"Nii-san, he has a point."

Itachi glanced at Alice and he felt a pang in his chest at the positively adorable pouting face his wife was giving him. "No."

"No what? What's wrong with Mom?"

"Hey Tibby." Kisame said. "Your dad isn't letting your mom have her way."

Tiburon sighed. "What does she want now?"

"Another pet." Sasuke said.

Tiburon's face lit up. "Another pet?" He turned to his dad. "Dad, can we get another pet? Please?!"

Itachi glared at his brother and partner before looking at his son. "No, Tiburon."

"But—"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Dad!"

"Tiburon, I already had this argument with your mother. _No_. I will not say it again."

Tiburon glanced at his mom before joining her in antics and giving his father a heartbreakingly adorable pouting expression that rivaled Kisame's and his mother's. Itachi stared at both his son and his wife before sighing heavily and sitting down. "Fine."

"Yes!" Alice and Tiburon said in unison, rushing Itachi and latching onto him. He just sighed as he was attacked with affection from his wife and son.

"I'm getting too old for this." He sighed.

Sasuke and Kisame both made the sound of a whip cracking from across the table before running from the room.

* * *

_So... yeah. Bout dat._

_New chapter = O.O AWESOME!  
_

_There were things... things I needed to say... Give me a minute...  
_

_In case anyone is interested:  
The Naruto story I posted a while back asking people if they wanted to collab with me: _

_Goodboy and I are both rather busy and well... college is just a bit more important to me than fanfiction. I don't want Goodboy slacking off on her school either so nothing can be done about her inactivity either._

_Because of our lack of updates on that story and whatnot, I think it would be both nice to all of you and myself, and wise to offer someone the chance to write this story with us.  
_

_Now, I have pretty much everything planned out and stuff but it's getting the ball rolling that is the issue right now since I'm smothered by 18 credit hours.  
_

___But, yeah, if you're interested, PM me or email me. My email is Danizaraki zoho dot com. (Obviously the "dot" means "."). The only thing I ask is that you be able to write a paragraph without destroying the English language. If you can't, well I'll probably ignore you because reading stuff like that hurts not only my head, but also my soul.  
You are also free to PM me or email me if you just want to talk in general or argue about my horrible writing. I don't care._  


___Toodles, lovelies.  
_


	12. Recovery

_Alright, this was requested by one of my cousins. I thought I'd post it because I'm sick and I have nothing better to do._

_Two OC warning._

_You guys should realize by now that I don't own the Akatsuki._

_Enjoy, my lovelies._

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

I pushed open the door to the hospital room that contained my future husband and brother-in-law and I smiled at seeing both of them sitting up in their beds, playing a game of chess together.

The strange part was that both of them had their eyes bandaged. A few days prior to today, they had their eyes surgically switched and now they were recovering together. I managed to talk Sakura into letting them get a room together.

"Hi boys." I greeted, carrying bags of goodies into the room. I set them on Itachi's bed since his was closest to the door.

"Hi Alice." They both replied, not turning their heads away from their game. Itachi, however, did extend his arm in my direction.

I smiled and took his hand, allowing him to pull me closer. When I was close, he turned his face away from the board, grabbed my face, and pulled me in for a kiss. I returned the gesture, stroking his cheek with approval.

His other hand dropped to my stomach that was now protruding from my person further than it ever had. "How are you?"

"Fine." I shrugged, kissing his forehead. "How are you two?"

"Hn." Both of them replied.

I smirked. "Still sulking about being forced to stay here for recovery I see."

Both of them frowned but remained silent.

I kissed the top of Itachi's head. "I brought goodies with me."

Both of them perked up. I released Itachi and walked to the bed. I picked the bag up off of the bed and carried it over to the temporarily sightless Uchiha brothers. I stood in front of Itachi, withdrew one of his goodies that I had wrapped up to bring here and pecked his lips. "Open."

He opened his mouth slightly and I pressed a stick of dango to his lips. He smirked as he took a bite. He finished up one of the little balls, pouting a bit when I pulled it away, only for the pout to vanish when I put the stick in his hand. "There is more if you behave."

"Hn." He grunted. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." I smiled. I walked over to Sasuke and poked his nose. "Hands out, Duck-butt."

He obeyed and smirked when I put a number of fresh cherry tomatoes in his palm. "Like Itachi, there is more if you behave."

"Thank you, Alice." Sasuke told me, popping one into his mouth.

"Of course." I replied. I sighed when a knock sounded on the door. "Who in this village actually knocks?" I walked to the door and pushed it open, smiling to see Kakuzu and Sasori outside the door.

"We knock." They said simply.

"Because we actually have manners." Sasori deadpanned.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure you used the magic words please and thank you with your victims." When he rolled his eyes, I continued. "I can already imagine. 'Hey, can I please use your body for a puppet?' And then even if they say no, you still thank them."

Sasori stared at me. "Are you done yet?"

"Fuck you." I snapped. "What do you want anyways? That's not directed at you, Kakuzu. You don't piss me off."

Kakuzu shrugged and walked around me, pausing to rumple my hair as he passed me. "We're here to watch you and Sasori came to try and speed up the healing process of these two. I just came along for something to do."

"How nice." I said. "That will make Itachi and Sasuke happier."

"It's an Uchiha thing." Sasori said. "Even the ones who marry into the family hate being taken care of."

I shrugged. "I'm pregnant, not helpless."

Itachi pulled me back to his person and allowed me to sit on his lap. He curled his arms around me from behind and rested his chin on my shoulder. His fingers caressed the swell of my stomach that housed our future child.

"You have not always been pregnant, Alice." Sasori reminded me. "Even before you got knocked up, you hated it when people babysat you."

"I'm not a baby." I reminded him. "Speaking of baby, where's my baby at?"

"In your stomach." Kakuzu grunted.

"Thank you, smartass. I meant Sable." I growled.

"Kisame's bringing her." Sasori informed me. "He should be here soon. When Kakuzu and I left, he was just getting ready."

I leaned my head against Itachi's. "Good."

"Don't walk here by yourself anymore." Itachi said to me.

"Kakashi escorted me." I soothed. "So, Sasori, are you going to heal them?"

Sasori nodded to confirm my question. "Who is first?"

"Heal Sasuke." Itachi told him.

I smiled and kissed the side of his head. He was sweet enough and a good enough big brother to take one for his little brother and risk staying in the hospital a little longer.

Sasori put his hand over Sasuke's eyes and it began glowing as he weaved healing chakra into the recovering orbs.

As Sasori healed, loud voices sounded from the hallway and I sighed, especially so when I heard Sakura's loud, scolding voice and a pathetic whimper of protest after a crack sounded. A few moments later, the door opened and Naruto walked in with Yamato, Sakura, Sai, Kakashi, and a bump on his head.

"You're too loud, Dobe." Sasuke growled from around Sasori.

Naruto grumbled under his breath as he took a seat on Sasuke's bed with Sai. Kakashi and Yamato took up a few of the visitor chairs and Sakura walked over to Sasori to inspect his work.

"I suppose I should thank you for escorting my wife here, Kakashi." Itachi said emotionlessly.

Kakashi smirked at him from beneath his mask. "No problem."

"She wouldn't wait for me, so someone had to take her."

"Hi Kisame." I smiled. "Hi baby!"

Sable pranced into the room, her tail out straight behind her, wagging excitedly as she walked over to me. She jumped up slightly and put her paws on my knees, licking my face.

I smiled and hugged her kissing her fuzzy black face. "My Sable."

She just gave a low howl of excitement.

Kisame tossed himself on Itachi's bed and opened the bag of goodies I bought. "Oh yum."

Itachi turned his head in Kisame's direction. "Mine."

"You're not as scary with those bandages around your eyes, partner." Kisame informed him without even looking at Itachi.

Itachi pouted so I had to scold Kisame though I secretly let him have a stick of dango.

"What are you five doing here?" Sasuke asked, tapping Naruto's leg with his knuckles.

"We came to see you." Naruto admitted. "And Alice." He gave me a grin. "You look like you ate a baby, Alice."

I stared at him. "I did."

"Naruto!" Sakura scolded. "You shouldn't say stuff like that to a lady!"

Sasori scoffed. "Alice is the least ladylike person out there."

"That's not true." I countered.

"You belch louder than Hidan does." Sasori deadpanned. "And I know this because you had a competition with him."

I smiled to myself. "Ah, good times." I frowned at him. "But there are people worse than me out there."

"Alright, you're the least ladylike person I know." He corrected himself.

"I can live with that." I smiled. "Since you don't know that many people. That's from both your lack of an ability to remember everyone you meet as well as the fact that people avoid you because you smell like shit."

He glared at me. "I will push you down a flight of stairs."

I cackled when everyone else gasped. Sasori and I often made jokes about my pregnancy to the point where I found them funny. However, it was only when he made the jokes. Anyone else who dared to threaten my baby or me was instantly on the receiving end of an Alice Uchiha mood swing extravaganza.

"Bring it, puppet bitch." I challenged.

"Sasori." Itachi scolded.

Sasori chuckled. "I was kidding, Itachi."

Itachi frowned. "It isn't funny. And you, Alice, should not laugh about that sort of thing."

I kissed him. "Sasori would never hurt me, Itachi. I know he's just joking."

"You keep thinking that." Sasori retorted.

"And if he wasn't, I have no doubt that you would have already dismantled him and drowned him in Pledge." I added.

"What's Pledge?" Sakura asked.

I smirked while Sasori scowled. "Where I come from, Pledge is a cleaning agent used to clean wooden furniture and polish it."

Naruto and Kisame laughed while Kakashi, Kakashi, and Yamato chuckled. Sai just smiled.

"So Alice," Yamato mused, "when are you due?"

"August." I informed him.

"And Kathryn?" Kakashi asked.

I glanced at him. "She's due in January."

"I hope you have a boy." Naruto stated. "That way the Uchiha clan has a chance for a guy who actually smiles."

Sasuke and Itachi directed their sightless glares at him.

"Sakura," Sasuke began, "how long do you think Itachi and I will have to stay here?"

Sakura shrugged before she realized Sasuke couldn't see her. "I would say a few more days. It depends on how quickly you two heal. You were supposed to be in bed, even today and not up playing chess, but I see you ignored my request."

Itachi grunted at her. "We're perfectly fine."

Sakura shot Itachi a look, only to recoil a bit when I fixed her with one of mine. "So you say. You're not a medic."

"I am also not an idiot." Itachi reminded her. "I am aware of my own capabilities."

I turned slightly in his arms so I could wrap one of my arms around his neck. I kissed his forehead and looked at Sakura. "You're fighting a losing battle here, Sakura. The Uchiha are the most stubborn people out there. Itachi's the worst one."

"I say Sasuke is." Naruto disagreed.

"My father was worse than both of us combined." Itachi countered.

Kakashi gestured at Itachi. "That I can agree with."

"I can too." I smiled.

"I'd say Sasuke's number two though." Kakashi added.

I looked at Itachi and then at Sasuke. "Sometimes I agree with you, but you don't know Itachi like I do. I've seen sides of him that no one else has."

"Thank god." Kakuzu deadpanned.

"I second Kakuzu." Kisame added, rolling over a bit to make room for Sable on the bed.

I smiled. "I didn't mean that in a sexual way, but that aspect is true too."

Sasuke gagged.

Itachi just smirked.

"When can they go home, though?" Kisame wondered, looking at Sakura. "Alice really shouldn't stay here and I hate that she always walks back and forth but she can't sleep without Itachi."

Sakura sighed. "I would say at least two more days depending on how they take to Sasori's extra healing."

"Fair enough." Itachi said with a sigh.

I stroked his hair. "Quit being such a baby."

He just pouted.

* * *

When Itachi and Sasuke were finally allowed home, they were confined to the hotel. Sasuke could have gone home, but we kept him here so he wouldn't exert himself. And that was almost as bad as them being confined to a hospital room. Both of them wanted to train, but weren't allowed. Both of them wanted to move, but they were forbidden from exerting themselves.

Itachi sat at the kitchen table, a frown on his bandaged face. He was disgruntled because I was moving about the kitchen doing typical me stuff while he was forced to stay at the table, pouting like a baby.

"What are you whining about, Itachi?" I asked, setting a glass of tea down on the table before him. I leaned across it slightly to give him a kiss before resting my elbows on the hard surface and placing my head in my palms.

He returned my kiss and took the tea, taking a sip, never turning his face away from mine. He hummed his approval because I sweetened it just the way he liked it before giving me another kiss. "You should not be doing everything by yourself, Alice. You're pregnant."

"Really?" I mocked shock. "I had no idea."

His frowned deepened. "Alice."

"Chill, Itachi." I sighed. "I'm perfectly capable of doing daily household duties."

"So am I. But you refuse to let me." Itachi said simply.

"You just had surgery." I reminded him.

"You are currently carrying my child." He said, utterly serious. "Our baby is much more important than my eyes."

I silenced him with a kiss when he made to continue. "Hush." I soothed. "You're sweet and I get your point. Between you, Kisame, Konan, and Sasori bitching at me, I never get to do anything by myself." I sighed. "Better get used to eating shitty food."

He grabbed my hand when I sat down and squeezed it. "Everything is shitty compared to your food."

I smiled at him. "Bonus points for the weasel. You just want to stay on the good side of my next mood swing, don't you?"

"I am I ever on the bad side of your mood swings?" He asked.

"Good point." I agreed. I glanced around when voices sounded from behind the doors connecting our hotel room to Sasori, Deidara, and Kathryn's. A second later, they opened and Sasori came in with a plump Kathryn who was leading a bandaged Sasuke into the room.

Sasori walked in and he patted my head. "How are you feeling? You're not overdoing it, are you?"

"Itachi just bitched me out about it." I informed him.

He nodded. "Good. Stop it."

Kathryn showed Sasuke to the chair he was to sit in before she sat beside me. She smiled at me cheerfully. "Listen to Danna, Momma."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever."

* * *

Two weeks of recovery lasted before Itachi and Sasuke's bandages were removed and they were permitted to resume their daily activities in moderation.

I was lying on the bed in our hotel room when the door opened and Itachi walked in, back from the hospital. I looked up from Sable, who I was petting, to smile at Itachi. "Hi babe. Feel better?"

"Hn." He confirmed, walking to me and climbing on the bed to loom over me. He ran his fingers over my stomach before dipping forward to kiss me. "I can finally look at you again." He nuzzled my nose with his.

I smiled and kissed him back. "Dork." I touched his cheek, just below his eye. "Show me?"

His Sharingan span into existence before it morphed to the Mangekyō briefly before shifting into a mix between his and Sasuke's Mangekyō Sharingan.

I drooled. "So… sexy…"

He chuckled and kissed me. "I'm glad you approve."

"I approve of everything about you, Itachi." I reminded him. "Your eyes just happen to be one of the things I approve of the most."

He pressed his forehead to mine. "Good, because they will be one of the many methods I use to protect you and our child." He put his hand on my womb again, smiling when our baby kicked at his hand.

"He likes you." I told him.

"So you're certain the baby is a boy?" He asked.

I shook my head. "No, I just have a feeling he will be. We'll just have to wait and see."

Itachi hummed. "I look forward to meeting him."

I smiled. "That makes two of us."

* * *

_Yeah, it's shit, but what can you do?_

_I have a few life updates for you beautiful people._

_1. I got a tattoo. Picture of it is on my dA which is under the same username as this.  
2. I had uploaded a few chapters of an original story of mine. There will be a link in my profile for those of you who wish to read it. It will be at the bottom. However, the website is figment dot com. And well, the url is as follows: figment dot com / books / 547740 - Force. If it doesn't show up, again, link in my profile. Or you can PM me or something. I don't care.  
3. I signed the lease for an apartment with one of my roommates. The place allows dogs and I'm so totally getting at least two. I'm pumped.  
4. One of my little cousins made an account on here. She hasn't posted anything yet as far as I know, but she's like a nicer, girlier version of me so when she does post stuff, go and read her things. If anyone is mean to her, I'll kill you. :)  
5. A lot of guys actually read my stories. I'm so impressed.  
6. I'll shut up now._

_But yeah, I miss you lovelies. Feel free to email me, PM me, review and demand communication, etc. I don't care. Email address is in profile down at the bottom._

_Toodles._


	13. The Dreaded First Name

_Alright, so I was asked by a few of you lovely people to write about this._

_Because of all of the demands, I realized only like three of you actually already knew Alice's first name because none of you have read the story she's from._

_So yeah. This is the big reveal of her first name._

_Enjoy. Important author's note at the bottom._

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

"What would you do if I took your tea and threw it across the room?"

"That would be incredibly mean of you. I am not sure what I'd do."

I smiled and rolled closer to Itachi, lying basically on top of him. He was lounging on the bed, his back against the pillows with his legs positioned out before him. I was currently lying on his legs, my face even with his chest.

I smirked at him and poked his abs. "I never would, but I just had a mental image of doing it and it amused me for a second. So I thought I'd ask."

He returned my smirk with his own reserved one before running his fingers through my hair. He kissed the top of my head, momentarily putting his chest against my face. "I probably wouldn't do anything. But I would ask that you clean up your mess."

He jerked slightly when I kissed his pectorals before acting like I was going to bite him. He leaned back against the pillows again and gave me a look of disapproval. He tapped my nose. "Alice."

I tried to bite his finger. "What?"

He just sighed and rolled his eyes. "You are strange."

"You love me for it." I reminded him.

"It is one of the many contributing factors." He agreed. He stroked my hair and took a drink of his tea, being sure to keep it out of my reach just in case.

I laughed at him and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head against his torso. "You're so fucking adorable."

He put his tea down on the table beside the bed and rested his head against the headboard. "I share a similar opinion of you."

"If I had a penis you wouldn't." I said simply.

He looked at me as if I slapped him. "What?"

"If I had a penis, you wouldn't think I was adorable." I pointed out with a small smile.

"How do you know?" He asked.

"Because you don't strike me as gay." I stated.

He raised his eyebrow at me. "You were a fan of… that strange coupling of Kisame and I."

"True, but that was before I knew you." I reminded him.

"I suppose the same can be said about you. You wouldn't think I was adorable if I was a woman." He stated.

I scoffed. "I'm allowed to think women are adorable."

"And I am not allowed to think men are?" He asked.

I looked at him skeptically. "Other than Sasuke and Tibby do you think any men are adorable?"

He shook his head. "I can't say that I do."

"Point proven." I nodded.

"What women do you find adorable?" He wondered.

"I think Konan and Sanaa are the cutest fucking females on the planet." I confessed.

He chuckled.

"So… what would you do if you were a chick? Would you like dudes or girls?" I asked.

"That is a peculiar question." He informed me. "I've never thought about it."

"Well now is your chance." I smirked, playing with the strings on his pants.

He was quiet for a moment before shrugging. "Probably women. I don't find men appealing in the slightest."

"What if I was randomly transformed into a dude? Would you love me still?" I asked.

"Without question. It would take some getting used to, but you are mine regardless." He said instantly. "I pose the same question to you."

I lifted myself up slightly to kiss him. "I'd go lesbian for you, babe."

He smirked. "I feel privileged."

"You should." I stated. "We'd be doing the dirty things in the dark for a long time."

He chuckled. "Fair enough."

"Alright so here's another question," I began, "what if our roles were switched? What if I became the dude and you were the chick?"

"It is strange to think about." He admitted.

I smirked. "I'd get to top you and there'd be nothing you could do about it."

He scoffed. "I'd still be a ninja and you wouldn't be."

"Damn it." I pouted.

Chuckling, he stroked my hair. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Will you quit trying to take my pants off?" He asked.

I smirked. "Nope."

"You've already stolen half of my clothing." He stated. "You need more?"

I smiled. "I have not taken half. I have like four of your shirts and maybe two pairs of your pants. And those are the ones you never wear."

He reached around me and tugged on the pants I was wearing. "Whose are these?"

"Hidan's." I shrugged.

Itachi rolled his eyes.

"What?" I pouted. "Guy pants are more comfortable than girl pants."

"Whose shirt?" He wondered.

I looked away from him. "Kisame's."

"So that's why it swallows you." He nodded.

"Hey!" I protested. "Don't be mean."

"Kisame is twice your size, Alice. I meant nothing mean by it." He stated. "The only part that fits you is the area around your breasts."

I gawked at him. "You just made fun of my chest, didn't you? It's not my fault I have giant tits! It runs in my family! Trust me, I'd love to have smaller boobs. Big ones suck so much ass and having smaller ones would do wonders for my back problems."

"I did not make fun of your chest." He said simply. "I never would. I happen to like your chest and everything about it. Though, I would prefer you to be comfortable."

I glared at him. "Pervert."

"It takes one to know one, Alice." He stated, pointedly looking at my hands that were playing with his pants still.

I stopped playing with his pants and jabbed him in the stomach. "You're supposed to be the mature one."

"I like to act my age on occasion." He admitted.

I rolled my eyes. "Sure thing, Itachi Uchiha."

He kissed my nose. "That reminds me, what was your last name before you married me? You've never told me."

I shrugged. "Park."

"Alice Park?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yep. Though, my birth certificate says differently."

"Differently?" He prodded.

"Alice isn't my first name." I said quietly. "It's my middle name."

He raised his eyebrow. "What's your first name?"

"I'm not telling you." I scoffed. "I hate my first name."

He poked my side. "Tell me."

"Nope." I said firmly. "No one knows my first name."

He stared at me for a time before shifting. "I bet Kathryn knows."

I yelped when he picked me up and tossed me over his shoulder. "Itachi!"

He carried me out of the room and through the base until he made it to Kathryn's room. He walked in without knocking and dropped me on the bed with Deidara. "Where's Kathryn?"

Deidara raised his eyebrow at us. "She's in the bathroom, un. Why?"

"I need to ask her a question." Itachi told him.

Deidara looked at me for an answer but I was too busy trying to scramble off the bed to get to Kathryn before Itachi could. He grabbed me before I could run to the bathroom and he pulled me back to his person. He pinned me to his chest with one arm.

I struggled. "Itachi! Lemme go!"

"No." He said simply.

Kathryn walked out of the bathroom a moment later and raised her eyebrow at me and Itachi. "Um… What are you two doing?"

"Don't tell him anything!" I managed to yelp before Itachi put his hand over my mouth.

"I have a question for you, Kathryn." He told her.

She looked confused. "Okay? What?"

"What is Alice's first name?" He asked.

Her eyes widened.

"Wait, isn't Alice's first name Alice, un?" Deidara asked.

Kathryn snorted with amusement but shook her head.

I gave her a death glare.

She shook her head again and smothered her laughter. "Sorry Itachi, I can't tell you. Alice made me swear an oath I would never tell anyone."

Itachi glanced at Deidara. "Deidara, hold Alice for me. I'm going to torture Kathryn for a moment."

"Wait, un!" Deidara protested as Itachi dumped me on top of him. Kathryn yelped and ran from the room. Itachi quickly gave chase.

"Help!" She screamed as she ran through the base. "Crazy weasel attack!"

I shoved Deidara off of me and the bed so he landed on a heap on the floor. "Kathryn if you tell him anything I'll fucking kill you!"

I took off out of their bedroom and hurried down the hallway, only to stop when a door opened in front of me.

"If you two fucking wake up the kids I'm going to kill you." Sasori snapped, sticking his head out of his door.

"Shut up, bastard. Ten bucks says they've both been up." I snapped.

Sasori glared at me and walked across the hallway to Sanaa's room. He opened it and sighed at what was inside. "Damn it."

"Sori-Danna!" Sanaa chirped in her high adorable voice. She ran forward and hugged Sasori's legs. "Up time?"

"No, not up time." Sasori sighed. "Bedtime."

She pouted and reached up to him. "Sori-Danna."

He inhaled deeply before picking her up and allowing her to latch onto his neck. He glared at me. "I hate you."

"Whatever. She's cute." I scoffed. "It's not like you sleep anyways. Keep her occupied."

Deidara darted out of the room and skidded to a stop.

"Daddy!" Sanaa cheered.

He grinned. "Hi baby, un!"

I snickered at Sasori's expression as Deidara fawned over his daughter.

Sasori rolled his eyes so I hurried down the hallway, snickering.

"Help!" Kathryn yelped. "Ah!"

I ran in the direction of her voice, only to run into a wall of flesh. I grunted as I knocked the wall over and we both fell to the floor.

"Ouch, mother fucker!" The wall whined.

"You're worse than landing on the floor." I grumbled as I got to my feet. "Albino bastard."

"Oh fuck you, Ice Bitch." He snarled.

I offered Hidan my hand and he allowed me to pull him to his feet. "The fuck are you assholes running around the base right now for?"

"Itachi's being difficult." I informed him. "He's trying to catch Kathryn to interrogate her."

"For what?" He asked.

"Don't worry about that." I stated. "Where's his chakra?"

Hidan sighed and closed his eyes for a minute. "He's in your wing of the fucking base. Near your bedrooms."

I kissed Hidan's cheek before running down the hallway. "Thank you! Love you! Bye!"

He just rolled his eyes.

I sprinted to my bedroom to see Kathryn pelting down the hallway. She grabbed me before tossing me behind her. "Obstacle!"

I yelped and prepared to hit the floor only to be caught by Itachi. He set me on my feet and kissed my forehead before starting after Kathryn again.

"Oh no you don't!" I barked. I jumped at him and managed to tackle him. He caught himself before he face planted into the floor and grunted as I landed on him. I latched onto him like a koala with no hope for him to detach me. "No knowledge for you."

"Mommy? Daddy?"

Itachi and I looked down the hallway to see Tiburon standing in the doorway to his bedroom, Jaws in his arms, looking utterly confused. Sable was standing behind him, her tail wagging furiously at the sight of Itachi and I in such a vulnerable position.

"We should run." I told Itachi in a whisper. "She looks way too happy."

He hummed his agreement and slowly began getting up. "Don't make any sudden movements and don't make eye contact."

"What you doin' Mommy?" Tibby asked. "Playin'?"

I buried my face into Itachi's back. "He's too cute."

"Don't do that. You're making Sable excited." Itachi hissed.

Sable threw back her head and howled when she heard Itachi say her name.

"Shit." We both said in unison.

She jumped over Tiburon and shot to us, pinning us both to the ground so she could smother what of our faces she could reach. I buried my face into Itachi's back while he used his hands to shield himself.

Tiburon laughed at our expense.

"Kisame!" I cried. "Help!" I laughed when Itachi grunted at Sable when she managed to get at his face. "You had to say her name, didn't you?"

"Sable." Kisame's raspy voice called after a moment. "Down girl."

Sable barked and trotted over to Kisame to give him some attention while Itachi got to his feet. He sighed at the fact that I was still clinging to him. "Alice."

"I'm not letting go." I told him.

Tiburon ran over to Itachi and latched onto his leg. "I wanna play!"

I stared down at my baby. "Awe! Pick him up. Let him play."

Itachi gave me a look over his shoulder.

I licked his face.

"Alice." He protested while Kisame laughed at us.

Kisame walked over to us and picked Tiburon up. He raised his eyebrow at us. "What are you two doing, anyways?"

"He's trying to hunt down Kathryn so he can torture her." I informed Kisame. "I am helping my friend."

Kisame looked at Itachi curiously. "Why?"

"I am trying to find out something that Alice refuses to tell me." Itachi stated.

"And that would be?" Kisame asked.

"Alice's first name." Itachi said.

Kisame looked confused.

"Alice is her middle name." Itachi said.

Kisame looked shocked. "Really?" He looked at me. "What's your first name?"

"None of your business." I said firmly.

"So we're looking for Kathryn?" Kisame asked.

Itachi smirked and nodded. "Indeed."

"Kisame!" I said loudly. "How could you?"

"I'm curious." He shrugged, handing Itachi my baby. He pulled me off of my weasel, much to my disappointment, and set me on the ground. Itachi prevented me from latching onto him again by shoving Tiburon into my arms.

"Hi Mommy!" Tiburon said.

I beamed at him. "Hi baby!" I rubbed my nose against his. "You're so adorable."

He giggled and hugged my neck. "Where we going?"

"We're going to watch your daddy be mean to Kitty." I informed him.

He cocked his head to the side. "Why?"

"Because your daddy is mean." I stated.

He smiled. "Kay!" He patted his butt, looking over his my shoulder as I carried him down the hallway. "Come on Sable!"

Sable barked and trotted after us, utterly pleased.

I just smiled and shook my head, overwhelmed by cuteness.

After about ten more minutes of screaming and chasing, Itachi dragged Kathryn into the living room where Tiburon, Kisame, Sasori, Sanaa, Deidara, and I were by her ankles. Hidan followed after them, nursing a large handprint on his face.

"What happened to you?" I asked, looking at Hidan.

He jabbed his index finger in Kathryn's direction. "That bitch slapped me."

"I thought he was Itachi." Kathryn said with a pout. She kicked her legs in an attempt to break Itachi's grip but he was much too strong.

"What are you fucktards doing anyways?" Hidan asked, sitting beside me and rumpling Tiburon's hair. He instantly gained Sable's attention and allowed her to sit in his lap even though she was huge.

"I am interrogating Kathryn." Itachi said simply.

"Why?" Sasori asked absently, trying to keep Sanaa from pulling on his hair.

"She knows something I don't and Alice refuses to tell me." Itachi said.

Deidara frowned. "So you're torturing my wife instead of yours?"

Itachi looked at the blond bomber like he was an idiot. "Yes."

Kisame smirked. "If you girls would just tell us we wouldn't have to do this."

"I'm not telling you shit." I said. "And if Kathryn values our friendship she won't tell you anything either."

"Tell them what?" Sasori asked, glancing at me.

"Her first name." Itachi said.

Sasori and Hidan looked confused.

"Alice is her middle name." Kisame said.

"Really?" Sasori asked, looking at me. "What's so bad about your first name?"

"My mom named me when she was drunk and my father was in prison at the time so he had no say in the matter. When she sobered up she realized how big of a moron she was so she just told everyone my name was Alice instead of the monstrosity my first name is." I said.

Hidan smirked. "And the Skinny Bitch knows what your name is?"

I shrugged. "She's the only person I've ever told."

Kathryn cackled. "I love your first name."

"It literally is the worst first name I've ever heard in my life. And I've heard of the name Blanket as a first name." I said.

Itachi raised his eyebrow. "It's worse than blanket?"

"Yes." I said.

"I do not think that is possible." He said.

I raised my eyebrow at him. "Coming from the man named Weasel?"

He scowled at me for a moment before grabbing one of Kathryn's arms and pinning it behind her back. He then proceeded to give her an Indian Burn.

For those of you who don't know, Indian Burns are almost as bad if not worse than paper cuts. It's when someone grabs your forearm with both hands and twists the flesh in opposite directions at the same time. Regardless of how hard they twist, it still hurts like hell.

It feels like they're ripping your skin off.

They're also known as Chinese Burns, Snake Bites, etc.

Kathryn screamed. "Ah! No! Indian Burns!"

"Tell me what I want to know." Itachi said.

"Alice! Why did you teach them this?" Kathryn demanded.

"I needed an easy way to hurt Hidan without getting blood everywhere and pissing Kakuzu off." I said.

"Why are you hurting my wife, un?" Deidara demanded. "Hurt your own yeah!"

"Why would I do that?" Itachi asked, looking at Deidara like he was the stupidest person on the planet.

Deidara scowled at Itachi before grabbing me and putting me into a headlock.

"Gah! Deidara, you stupid bimbo!" I struggled in his grasp only to instantly regret it when he began grinding his teeth in my ear. "Ah! Stop it! Deidara stop it! Itachi! Make him stop!"

"He's just grinding his teeth." Sasori said.

"I-I hate it!" I said. "Deidara, stop it! I'll free Kathryn just stop grinding your teeth!"

Deidara grinned at stopped grinding his teeth before letting me go.

I took advantage of his trust and punched him in the chest before putting him in a headlock and giving him a Noogie. He whined pathetically in response because I was messing up his hair.

Tiburon and Sanaa were having a blast watching Deidara and Kathryn be tortured.

"I'll give you a purple nurple, un!" Deidara said, thrashing about in my hold.

"Do it. I dare you." I said. "See what happens to your nipples if you touch mine."

"No fair un!" Deidara whined. Suddenly, a spark jumped in his eyes and he twisted slightly in my hold and grabbed my underthings. He then proceeded to give me a Wedgie.

"Son of a bitch!" I said, stopping my noogie. I grabbed Deidara's boxers and did the same thing to him, causing him to yelp.

"Alright you two, stop it." Sasori said, extracting Deidara and I from each other. Deidara made to get me back by pinning me to his person again and grinding his teeth in my ear once more. I elbowed him in the chest, winding him and then made my escape.

I crawled over to Itachi and Kathryn before shoving Itachi away from Kathryn. Itachi, taken off guard by my sudden arrival and forceful actions, fell off Kathryn, giving her enough time to run away.

Itachi adjusted his position so he was in a seated position with his legs crossed before looking at me with narrowed eyes. "Alice."

"Deidara was grinding his teeth in my ear." I said. "I'd rather have Indian Burns."

"She's a good fucking Jashinist." Hidan said. He knew the true horrors of Indian Burns. And every other torture method I could think of to use against him.

Itachi rested his chin on his knuckles before propping his elbow on his knee to hold his head up. "You realize what this means, don't you?"

I paled. "Shit."

If Itachi couldn't torture Kathryn for information, that meant he was going to torture me.

I did not think about that.

"Itachi." I said. "Remember, you love me."

"I do." Itachi said, the amusement in his face making itself obvious to everyone when he smirked. "So I will give you one last chance to tell me your first name before I torture you."

I frowned. "That depends… what are you going to do to me?"

Itachi's smirk widened. "You don't want to know."

I crossed my arms. "Itachi."

"First I will start out giving you wet willies."

I shivered. "Ew."

"Then, perhaps, I will show you the true meaning of Koncho."

All of the adults in the room winced at the same time I did.

"And then we shall go from there."

I bit my lip. "What if I promise to tell you and only you?"

"Then I'll do everything he doesn't." Sasori said. "I want to know too."

I sighed and ran a hand over my face. "Really guys?"

"Really." Hidan, Kisame, Sasori, and Kakuzu said.

I looked at all of them before jumping to my feet and making a break for it.

I forgot about Kakuzu though.

Kakuzu's threads shot out at me and they wrapped around my person. He then dragged me back into the room and used his threads to hold me down as Itachi loomed over me on his knees.

"Alice." Itachi said, holding up one finger. "Last chance."

I clamped my mouth shut.

I would never hear the end of the teasing if the guys found out my name. Sasori and Hidan were the last people I wanted to know my name.

Though, it would give me an excuse to beat the ever-loving-shit out of them when they used it to bother me…

No. Not worth it.

Itachi shook his head. "Bad choice."

Before Itachi could even stick his finger in his mouth, a wet finger I was unprepared for began digging around in my right ear.

"Gah! Hidan!" I whined, struggling to get away from his torment.

Hidan just grinned viciously and cackled as Itachi joined in on the fun.

"No!" I whined.

"Someone go get some paper." Sasori said. "I'm going to give her paper cuts between her fingers and toes."

"No!" I yelled even louder.

Tiburon and Sanaa just laughed at my expense, coming over to me and helping the guys torture me by pulling on my hair.

"Good Tiburon." Itachi praised. "Show your mother that we mean business."

"Ah, it starts with an S. That's all I'm telling you." I said. "Please stop!"

"Give us more than that and I'll reconsider giving you a paper cut with my scroll." Sasori said.

"It ends with an E." I gasped, eyeing that scroll like it was the devil.

"That could be a lot of names." Kisame said, grabbing the small hairs on my arm and pulling on them. "More hints."

"Ouch! Motherfucker!" I yelped. "Seven letters."

"Second letter?" Kakuzu asked, using his threads to rub against my skin roughly and cause what felt like a rug burn on my shins.

"P." I said. "Itachi! Hidan! Get your fucking finger out of my ear!"

Itachi and Hidan obeyed my orders and they waved their hands to tell the others to ease up on their assault.

"So it is 'Sp' four more letters and then an 'e'?" Itachi asked. "Is it a name from your strange country?"

"It's typically not a name." I said. "It's usually verb but it can be used as a noun and an adjective depending on the suffix and context one uses."

"More hints." Hidan said, reaching under me.

"Hidan!" I yelped. "Pinch my ass again and I'll rip your dick off!" I struggled in Kakuzu's threads. "Kathryn! Help me!"

I looked in her direction to see her passionately making out with Deidara. "Damn it. Where's Sable when you need her?" I looked for Sable to see her chewing on her most favorite new bone that Kisame had gotten her. There was no way she was going to save me now. "Shit."

"Alice. More hints." Itachi said.

"Second to last letter is L." I said.

"Is it Speckle?" Sasori asked.

I snorted and looked at him like he was insane. "What kind of name is that?"

"It's the only thing I can think of that meets such requirements." He said with a shrug.

"Speckle." I said. I laughed. "That's a great name."

"Spindle?" Kakuzu asked.

I just laughed. "Nope."

"Spangle?" Kisame wondered.

I stared at Kisame, considering the fact that the names they were guessing were obviously more normal to them than my actual name. I just remained silent, neither confirming or denying the name.

"What about a variant of a word we've guessed?" Itachi asked.

I looked at him with narrowed eyes.

"Like Spinelle with only one L so it is spelled S-p-i-n-e-l-e?" Itachi asked.

First off, how in the hell did he know Spinelle was a name?

I stared at him, considering accepting this name as my own since it was actually a name and the meaning wasn't so… lame.

"Damn you're good." I said, deciding that Spinele was obviously better than my actual first name.

"What's so wrong with Spinele?" Itachi asked. "It is strange, but it could be worse."

"It's weird. Trust me." I said. "Can you let me go, Kakuzu?"

Kakuzu released me and I rubbed my shins where he had attacked me. "Damn men and their nosiness."

"The way you were whining about it, I assumed your name was going to be like Sprinkle or something." Sasori said with a chuckle.

I twitched. He was closer than he knew.

"I'd have killed myself." I said. I got up and dusted myself off before picking up Tiburon. "Well, not that this isn't fun, it really is far past Tibby's bedtime. So I'm going to go and put him to bed and then hit the hay myself."

Itachi got up and stood beside me, kissing the side of my head. "Hn."

"Just so you guys know, I will not respond to that name. So if you're going to try and tease me, it won't work because I won't realize you're talking to me." I said.

"Whatever, Spinele." Sasori said.

"I think I prefer Sprinkle." I said with a smile. I gave Kisame, Sasori, Hidan, and Kakuzu a kiss on the cheek, rumpled Deidara's hair, and smothered Sanaa with affection before I led Itachi towards our bedroom.

We put Tiburon to bed without difficulty and then returned to our bedroom.

I flopped on the bed while he took off his pants since he was already shirtless. I watched him with a perverted smirk on my face all the while, instantly reaching out to touch him when he climbed into bed with me.

He rolled his eyes at my actions and pulled me closer to his person, kissing my nose and forehead before letting me cuddle into him.

I sighed contently and prepared to sleep until Itachi broke the silence.

"So what is your first name?" Itachi asked. "You may have fooled the others with the Spinele name, but I know your nostrils flare ever-so-slightly when you're lying."

I tensed.

Shit.

"Alice." He said.

I sighed. "Damn you for being perceptive." I pulled away from him and stared into his eyes for a long moment before biting my lip. "Do you swear on our marriage and our love to never tell the others?"

"I do." He said.

I inhaled deeply. "Sparkle."

He blinked. "What?"

"My first name is Sparkle." I mumbled.

"…Sparkle…" He said.

"You can laugh." I said.

He didn't laugh, but he did smirk. "It is not as bad as Sprinkle."

"I disagree." I muttered.

"Sparkle Alice Park…" He said. "Sparkle Uchiha…"

"It sounds like a flamboyantly gay vampire." I said.

Itachi chuckled. "I prefer Alice."

I sighed. "That makes two of us."

"I won't tell anyone." He promised me.

"Good, because if you do, I'll divorce you." I said.

Itachi kissed me and rubbed his nose against mine. "My lips are sealed, Alice."

I smiled at him and then resumed cuddling into his chest, satisfied that he wouldn't reveal my horrible name.

A few minutes later, he started shaking with laughter and I heard him snort with amusement. "_Sparkle_…"

I face-palmed. "Jashin-damn it."

* * *

_So, yeah... Alice's first name is a monstrosity. Like I've said a million times, Alice is from an original story of mine and her first name is a big deal that causes much amusement between her and the other characters._

_Anyways: Important things._

_I'm thinking about rewriting CYK. For those of you who don't know what that means, it means I'm going to take everything I've written for Consider Yourselves Kitties, edit the shit out of it to get rid of the grammatical and spelling errors as well as alter the story around to its less... shit. Don't you worry. It will still be funny and I intend on keeping the same things all of you love._

_I was just rereading one of the chapters because one of my readers reviewed on something in the chapter and the more I read the more I thought: "What in the fuck was I on when I wrote this?"_

_But yeah... If you're all for that, tell me so. I might just do it anyways just for something to do because I've been super sick recently and I need something easy to do that doesn't require me to think that hard. And by sick, I mean I can barely sit up straight without feeling like I'm going to pass out. I get dizzy as fuck and my mouth is numb most of the time. I also get bitching migraines and I smell blood on occasion._

_Maybe I'm turning into a vampire..._

_I will accept any suggestions you might have for things I should add in there as well as things I should take out. I will be hopefully editing all grammatical and spelling mistakes as well as making the general story more realistic and less derpy._

_Also, more Brett and Louis for all of you. I'll give them more attention because apparently all of you love them._

_Like always, all contact info, other pages websites, etc. are all on the bottom of my profile page._

_Good day my loves._


	14. Sleepy Criminals

_Hot fucking damn these are coming out fast..._

_That's what she said. ;)_

_Anyways, I own only two of the proper nouns in this chapter. Neither of those names are Japanese in origin._

_Enjoy, my lovely lovelies._

* * *

**Third Person!**

"Kisame~!"

Said ex-Kiri Shinobi cracked one eye opened and a small smirk spread across his face as he recognized the voice. His smirk only widened when a familiar weight fell on top of him and a pair of arms wrapped around his shoulders.

"Sup, Squirt?" Kisame asked, yawning.

"I didn't wake you up, did I?"

Kisame shook his head and glanced at the brunette on his back out of the corner of his eye. "Nah, I've been up. I'm looking forward to napping today though."

"Good." Alice said, kissing the top of his head. She hugged his shoulders before carding her fingers through his hair. "So, if I ask you really nicely and promise you compensation for your time, will you spend some quality time with me?"

Kisame frowned in thought. "That depends on what you want to do."

"This." She said, resting her head on his back. "I need a nap and you're comfy. Tiburon wears me out."

Kisame chuckled. "I'd be honored. You can be my blanket."

"I'll double the perks by informing you that I brought our favorite blanket out here with me." Alice told him, holding up a corner of said blanket.

Kisame almost drool at the sight of the blanket Alice was showing him. He could never pass up _The_ Blanket.

The comforter was black with gray and red lines in a plaid pattern on one side while the other was just solid black. However, the appearance was not why the blanket was perfect. It was like a gift from Jashin.

It was always cold, but it provided the perfect amount of warmth when necessary. It was huge and it had a very snug weight but not one that was overwhelming. It was like heaven on earth.

"Have I ever told you how amazing you are?" Kisame asked.

"I'm sure you have, but I never get tired of being reminded of my amazingness." Alice said with a smirk. She dropped a pillow on his head. "I brought this too."

"You are a godsend." He told her.

"Jashinsend." She corrected. "And yes, I know." She spread the blanket out over them before getting comfortable on Kisame's back. He tucked the pillow under his head and got himself comfortable.

Alice kissed the top of his head and snuggled into him. "I love you, Kisame."

"I love you too, kid." Kisame assured her.

Alice sighed and Kisame copied her and they both drifted off to sleep, comforted by the Blanket and the present company.

* * *

"How do they sleep like that?" Tiburon asked, glancing at his father and scratching his head with his left hand which was encased in a thick cast.

Itachi shook his head. "I'm not sure. Your mother may usually be unable to sleep without me and you, but she has always been able to sleep using Kisame as a bed."

Tiburon rolled his eyes. "They're both insane."

"Hn." Itachi agreed. "Let us allow them to sleep. I know your mother has dango stashed somewhere in the kitchen."

Tiburon's eyes lit up. "I love how you think, Dad."

Itachi rumpled his son's hair before starting for the kitchen, dango on his mind.

* * *

"Well, this is an unexpected sight."

"How do you not fucking expect this shit?"

"Well, typically it doesn't happen on the couch. At least, it hasn't recently."

"Yeah, but that's because the bitch has been bitching about Tibby's broken arm."

Sasori sighed and shook his head. "That woman… That's what the brat gets when he goes on so many missions back to back. Let's just be glad he only has a broken arm and nothing else."

Hidan scoffed. "She's fucking crazy."

Sasori glanced at Hidan. "Come. Let's go and give Kakuzu the bounty. He will not appreciate having to wait."

Hidan rolled his eyes and shouldered his bloodied scythe. "That's what the damn asshole gets for not fucking getting the shitty bounty on his own."

"I volunteered to go with you." Sasori said as he started for a different tunnel. "I wanted to use my new poison in battle."

Hidan blinked. "What kind is it?"

"Airborne." Sasori said. "I'll be watching you for a few days to see the effects."

"You son of a bitch!" Hidan shouted, rushing after Sasori who vanished from sight a second later.

Kisame twitched when Hidan's loud voice registered and he opened one eye lazily to make sure he wasn't being the one yelled at. After a moment of silence in his groggy haze, he decided that no one wanted him and it was safe to go back to sleep.

He turned slightly in his spot only to freeze when he felt an unnatural weight on his person. Glancing around, he smiled slightly when he saw Alice cuddling into his back.

Maneuvering like a pro, he managed to roll to his back without disturbing Alice. The only thing she did in reaction to lying on his stomach and chest rather than his back was cuddle further into his chest and sigh tiredly.

Kisame's lips twitched in a tired smile at Alice's simplicity before he pulled the Blanket closer, closed his eyes, and prepared to sleep once more.

An hour later, Alice woke up when something around her creaked. Her eyes snapped open and she stared at the coffee table for a minute, trying to figure out what was going on.

Fighting sleep and trying to listen, she heard familiar, almost silent snoring coming from slightly above her. She looked up and smiled at seeing Kisame sleeping on his back, looking extremely comfortable and peaceful.

Alice kissed his nose, her smile widening when his nose twitched slightly at the gesture before yawning tiredly. Adjusting the Blanket slightly so it covered the arm Kisame had wrapped around her waist, Alice situated herself to go back to sleep.

* * *

"Alice."

Alice opened her eyes and raised her eyebrow at seeing Itachi hovering over her and Kisame. "What?"

"It's time for bed. Come on." Itachi said.

Alice looked towards Kisame to see looked just as out of it and as tired as she did. She glanced at Itachi before allowing her head to drop back on Kisame's chest. "Too tired."

Itachi chuckled. "I can carry you."

"Mm." She hummed. "Kay."

Itachi made to pick Alice up but she stopped him before he could lift her. "Kisa come too?"

"I don't know if he wants to, Alice."

"Ask 'im." Alice said.

"Kisame has his own bed." Itachi said.

"Ask 'im and I'll ignore the fact that you and Tiburon ate some of the dango I told you to leave alone." Alice said.

Itachi stiffened. "How did you know about that?"

"I didn't know for sure but you just confirmed my suspicion." Alice said.

"Damn it." Itachi sighed.

Alice kissed Itachi's tiredly, aiming for his lips but finding his nose instead.

Itachi smiled at Alice's tired behavior and looked at his partner. "Kisame?"

Kisame, who was snuggling into the Blanket looked up. "What?"

"Alice wants you to come." Itachi said.

Kisame stared tiredly at the ceiling before shrugging. "Will you carry me too?"

"No." Itachi said, picking Alice up and holding her to his chest.

Kisame laughed tiredly before getting up. "Lead the way, partner."

Itachi did just that, carrying Alice to their bedroom while Kisame stumbled after him carrying the Blanket and his pillow.

Itachi deposited Alice on the bed and Kisame shoved her over to plop down beside her. Alice instantly rolled over to Kisame and allowed him to cling to her back while she latched onto Itachi when he climbed in the bed beside her.

"Love you, babe." Alice grunted.

"I love you too, Alice. Goodnight you two." Itachi said.

Alice hummed. "Love you, Kisa."

"Hmm. Me too, squirt." Kisame said. "Night."

"Night." Alice said.

Alice smiled tiredly after Itachi and Kisame got comfortable and silence overcame them. She broke it, rubbing her nose against Itachi chest as sleep began to take her. "Just like the good old days."

* * *

_Just a little something that came to mind. I wrote it in like 20 minutes with a break to go and greet my friend who is now my roommate's boyfriend._

_Alice and Kisame are cute. :D_

_For you curious crickets (yes, I did just make that up) that are interested in reading original works of mine, there is a link at the bottom of my profile that will take you to it. Feel free to check it out whenever._

_As for just a general sign off: I love you all. Your support is much appreciated and words cannot describe how thankful I am for all of you._

_Check ya later._


	15. A Day With Danna and Deidara

_I wrote this last night at six in the fucking morning._

_Excuse typos and stuff because I don't feel like fixing them._

_Enjoy. I do not own Naruto._

* * *

**Third Person!**

"Alright, Kisame and Itachi are taking Kathryn and I to the village. When I get back, I'll make food." Alice announced to the occupants of the living room. "Hidan will be here to help you watch the kids if you need him. Pein and Konan are in the office and Kakuzu should be back in few hours. We'll try to be back by then too."

"We'll be fine, Alice, un." Deidara assured her. "Danna and I can handle two babies, yeah."

"I hope so." Kisame said. He knew that Itachi, Alice, and just about everyone else would kill the artists if something happened to little Tiburon and Sanaa.

Tiburon looked up from playing with Deidara's hair. "Bye bye Daddy." He said, running away from Deidara to attack Itachi's legs. Sanaa copied him, running away from in front of the TV to attack her mother's legs.

Itachi knelt and allowed his son to hug him. "Bye Tiburon. We'll be back soon."

Kathryn scooped up Sanaa and showered her with kisses, much to Sanaa's enjoyment. "Bye Princess! Have fun with your Daddy and Danna. Be a good girl and listen, okay?"

"Kay." Sanaa said. "Bye Mommy."

Tiburon darted around Itachi to hug his mother who knelt to say goodbye when he reached her. "Bye bye Mommy."

"Bye Tibby. Be good." Alice said. Tiburon moved on to Kisame a second later before he joined Sanaa in waving goodbye to his parents, Kathryn, and Kisame.

Deidara crawled over to Tiburon and Sanaa when both kids stood where the group had left them, staring at the door. Sanaa looked around when she heard him coming and started giggling. "Daddy!" She threw herself at him.

Deidara laughed and caught her. He scooped Tiburon up and held them both in his arms, smirking as he did so.

"Brat, bring the kids into the kitchen." Sasori ordered as he walked into the room. "I have something to occupy them."

"Okay Danna, un." Deidara obeyed. He set Tiburon on his shoulder and tucked Sanaa under his arm before following after Sasori. The redhead pointed at a spot on the floor. An old cloth tarp was laid out in the middle of the kitchen with nontoxic paint, paper, clay, and little kid brushes set up on it.

"Alice and I got these when we went into town last week. I had forgotten about them until I cleaned out my workshop." Sasori explained. "It's nontoxic and washable so they can finger paint if they don't want to use the brushes."

Deidara grinned. "Good job Danna, un. You had a good idea, yeah."

Sasori scoffed. "Of course I did. Who do you think you're talking to?"

"Whatever un, let's paint." Deidara said, rolling his eyes. He carried a curious Sanaa and Tiburon over to the tarp and set them down beside it. "Do you guys want to paint some pictures with me and Danna, un?"

Sanaa nodded and ran to Sasori. She clung to his leg. "I want to paint with Sori-Danna."

"I'll paint with you, brat." Sasori said. He patted her head gently and sat down on the tarp. Sanaa took her rightful spot on his lap and watched him uncap some of the paint with curious eyes, her head cocked to the side.

Deidara sat beside Sasori and set Tiburon in his own lap. "We're going to make art, Tiburon, un." He patted Tiburon's hair before uncapping the paint and clay in front of him.

"Color on the paper, Sanaa." Sasori instructed. "Here." He handed her a brush. She stared at it for a minute before trying to bite it. "No Sanaa. You can't eat that."

"No?" Sanaa asked.

"No." Sasori confirmed.

"Tibby eats it." She said, pointing.

Sasori looked around at Tiburon to see him nomming on the paintbrush. "Deidara, watch him you idiot."

Deidara looked down and gawked before extracting the brush from Tiburon's mouth. "No Tibby, un. You're not allowed to eat the brush."

Tiburon just scowled.

Sasori shook his head at Tiburon's attitude before returning his attention to Sanaa. Sanaa cocked her head to the side before stabbing the brush into the paint Sasori set before her. She withdrew the brush and stared at the bright red color before smacking the paper with it. She grinned in victory when it worked.

"Odd. She paints just as well as you do, Deidara." Sasori smirked.

Deidara rolled his eyes. "Tibby plays with clay just as well as you do, Danna, un." He gestured at the lump of clay Tibby was smacking and poking.

Sasori jumped when he felt something poking him. He looked down to see Sanaa trying to get his attention. "What is it, brat?"

Sanaa pointed at her "painting". Sasori smirked when he saw a bunch of blobs and scribbles. "It's very pretty, Sanaa."

She smiled and stabbed her brush back into the paint. She looked at the new piece of paper in front of her with a frown. She looked away from it and smiled when she saw Tiburon had found something better to color on.

Deidara dropped the clay bird he had been forming when something cold and wet hit his face. He looked down to see Tiburon holding his brush against his face. He was smiling brightly at him while Sasori laughed.

"Tibby, that isn't how you paint, un." Deidara scolded. "Paint on paper, not on me, yeah."

Tiburon cocked his head to the side and poked Deidara with the brush again. He now had a red dot on his nose and his cheek. "No Dei-Dei?"

"No painting on Dei, hmm." Deidara agreed. He put his brush to the paper. "Paint on paper, un." He looked at Sasori. "Don't encourage him by laughing, yeah."

Sasori shook his head. "He's just a kid, Brat. I'm just surprised that you didn't get a whole paint job rather than just a few dots." He handed Deidara a rag. "Here."

Taking the towel, Deidara rid his face of paint. "Thanks, un." He poked Tiburon's cheek. "Little brat, yeah."

Tiburon frowned and smacked Deidara with his paint brush. "Bad Dei."

Deidara sighed at his now red hand. "Again, un?" He made to scold Tiburon's attitude only to be cut off when Sanaa decided to use him as a canvas as well. Deidara smirked and dipped his finger in blue paint before painting Sanaa's hand in retaliation. "Ha!"

Sanaa stared at her hand for a minute before looking at Deidara. She set her brush down and looked up at Sasori expectantly.

"Are you going to take that?" Sasori wondered. "Get him back."

Sanaa rubbed the back of her hand against Deidara's arm.

"Now I'm blue and red." Deidara chuckled. He sighed. "And green."

Tiburon had added more color to the piece of art now known as Deidara. He wiped a big line of green down Deidara's other arm.

Sasori laughed. "Serves you right Brat."

Deidara hit Sasori in the face with some black paint. "Shut up, Danna, yeah."

"My Sori-Danna!" Sanaa said, hitting Deidara with more paint.

"He's mine, un." Deidara laughed, drawing a smiley face on Sanaa's cheek.

Sasori added some yellow to Deidara's hair. "Funny. You can't even see it's there."

Deidara glared. "Shut up Danna, un."

Tiburon smacked Sasori's arm with white paint. "My Dei-Dei."

"You can have him." Sasori said, enticing a scowl from Deidara.

"What color is it, un?" Deidara asked. He hit Sasori with red paint. "What about this un?"

What better time to teach the kids colors?

"White and red paint." Sanaa poked Tiburon with purple paint. "Purple."

"Good job, Sanaa." Sasori confirmed with a nod, catching on to what Deidara was doing.

"Red?" Sanaa asked, pointing at the red paint on her Danna's shirt. When Sasori nodded she smiled.

"What the fuck are you guys doing?" A loud voice demanded.

Sanaa, Tiburon, Sasori, and Deidara looked up. "Painting(un)." Deidara and Sasori said in unison, looking innocent.

Hidan frowned. "Well no shit."

"Then why did you ask?" Sasori wondered.

"It looks like you guys just fucking rolled in it." Hidan growled.

Deidara pointed at Tiburon. "He started it, yeah."

Sanaa got up and ran at Hidan. She smacked his bare stomach with both hands, leaving two tiny hand prints in red and purple on his well-developed abs. "Paint with us Hidan-oji!"

Hidan's eyes narrowed. "You little shit."

Tiburon glared back Hidan, getting up to slap him with more paint. "Paint!"

"I think it's time for a bath for the brats." Sasori sighed. "They lost interest in painting."

Hidan picked Sanaa up by the back of her shirt when she kept making more handprints on his torso and lifted her to eye level. "Little fucker, don't get that shit on me."

Sanaa smacked Hidan in the face and giggled at the red hand print she left. "Paint."

"Red, un." Deidara told her.

"Red paint." Sanaa corrected herself.

Hidan glared at her. "You're lucky I can't fucking kill you."

"She's just a kid, Hidan." Sasori scolded, taking Sanaa from Hidan. "She doesn't know any better. She's just trying to have some fun."

Deidara picked up Tiburon. "Let's get them in the bath, Danna, un."

"Right." Sasori nodded.

"Hidan, can you cap the paint and stuff so it doesn't dry?" Deidara asked. "It's either that or you get to bathe Tiburon, yeah."

Hidan shuddered, remembering when he had to give Alice's demon child a bath. "No fucking thank you. I'll cap the damn paint."

"Thanks, un." Deidara said, smiling. He adjusted Tiburon in his arms before following Sasori and Sanaa out of the kitchen and to one of the bathrooms nearby that had their baby necessities.

Sasori ran the bath after making sure the temperature was right. Once it was filled up to a decent level, he cut off the stream of water and sat on the edge of the tub. He stripped Sanaa of her paint covered clothing before setting her in the tub. Deidara copied him with Tiburon.

Being as gentle as possible, Sasori and Deidara scrubbed the paint off of the two children and made sure they were nice and clean. The ninjas washed their hair and made sure to get all of the excess soap and shampoo off them. Fifteen minutes later, both children were paint free and squeaky clean.

Deidara unplugged the water and instructed Tiburon to stand. The blond grabbed a nice fluffy towel off the shelf before scooping Tiburon out of the tub, and wrapping him up in it. Tiburon giggled when Deidara started moving the towel dramatically, attempting to dry the kid faster.

Once they were nice and dry, the kids were dressed in some comfortable clothing for the nap they were potentially going to take.

Sometimes you never knew with Sanaa and Tiburon.

Tiburon pointed at his shirt. "Red?"

"Very good Tibby. That's red, un." Deidara praised.

Sanaa, who had been dressed in blue, darted away from Sasori to hug Tiburon. "Tibby!"

Tiburon smiled and returned the hug. "Sanaa."

"They're so loving." Deidara chuckled. He picked up both kids. "What I don't understand is: why does Hidan think Tibby's a monster? The way Hidan described him, I expected Tibby to be a pain in the ass, un."

"No clue, brat. Tiburon does like to rile Hidan up." Sasori said. "Ask him. Tiburon actually behaved pretty well in the bathtub."

Deidara nodded. "I know, un." He sighed before rubbing his nose against Sanaa and Tiburon's cheeks. "Come on you two; let's go watch TV, un."

Sanaa reached for Sasori. "Come watch TV Sori-Danna."

"I'm coming Sanaa. I need to wash this paint off me first though." Sasori said with a sigh.

Sanaa squirmed in Deidara's arms. "Daddy, I wanna stay with Sori-Danna."

"Okay, you can stay with him, un." Deidara said with a chuckle. He handed her to Sasori. "I got the paint off me while I was washing Tiburon, yeah."

"I had to fight Sanaa off because she kept hitting me with water." Sasori sighed. "Little brat."

Deidara grinned. "You love her, yeah." He waved farewell as he carried Tiburon out of the room and through the base to go watch TV in the living room.

Sasori carried Sanaa to the sink and set her on it. "Sit here, brat. Don't move."

Sanaa nodded and watched with interest as Sasori scrubbed the paint off his person. He noticed her watching and flicked some water on her.

"Bad Sori-Danna! Don't splash me!" Sanaa giggled. She reached her hand under the faucet and splashed Sasori with it. She smiled when he rolled his eyes.

"Alright brat, let's go." Sasori said, grabbing a towel off the counter. He dried himself and got rid of the specks of water on Sanaa before picking her up and carrying her to the living room. He gently dropped her on the couch beside Tiburon and Deidara before lounging on the vacant couch.

Hidan, who occupied the other, looked at Sanaa and Tiburon. "Why do we always dress them in the same fucking colors?" He shook his head. "It's always red or fucking blue."

"Sanaa and Tiburon picked them, un." Deidara explained. "Who cares if they wear the same colors, yeah?"

"I don't. I'm just fucking curious Dei-chan. Don't get your panties in a bunch." Hidan sighed. He reached his arm over the arm of the couch and flicked Sanaa gently in the head.

Sanaa glared at him. "Bad Hidan-oji."

"Bad Sanaa." Hidan countered, smirking at her.

Sanaa got off the couch and walked over to his. She tugged on his shirt and held her hands up. "I wanna lay with you, Hidan-oji."

Hidan rolled his eyes and picked her up from his position on his side. He set her on his stomach as he rolled to his back to accommodate her. "Sit still you little brat."

Sanaa smiled and hugged Hidan, lying down on his torso. She cuddled into his side. "My Hidan-oji."

"I'm not fucking yours." Hidan growled. His growl had no bite and he pet Sanaa's head gently as he said it. Sanaa smiled contently and leaned into his hand, enjoying his petting.

* * *

Alice, Kathryn, Itachi, Kisame, Kakuzu, Pein, Konan, and Zetsu all raised their eyebrows in question at the pair sleeping on the couch. Hidan was snoring loudly, his head turned to face the TV with his mouth agape. One arm was cast aside, his knuckles touching the floor. The other was curled around Sanaa who slept silently on his chest.

"Awe." Konan cooed. "That's so sweet."

Sasori sighed. "It isn't sweet because he's been sawing logs since about a half hour after Sanaa fell asleep." He shook his head and adjusted his position on the couch into a sitting one.

Deidara smiled and set Tiburon on the ground. "I don't know how she can sleep through that. He's so loud, yeah."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "Try having a room next to him or going on missions with him."

Tiburon ran to Itachi and held up his arms. "Daddy!"

Itachi smiled and picked Tiburon up. "Hi Tiburon. Did you have fun with Deidara and Sasori today?"

Tiburon nodded. "Painting is fun."

Itachi raised his eyebrow and looked to Deidara and Sasori for an explanation. "Me and Alice got some washable nontoxic paint and clay for the brats last week." Sasori explained. "That's what we did for a while. Sanaa's drawing is on the fridge."

"Oh yeah. I forgot about all that stuff." Alice said.

"Tiburon started a paint war." Deidara added. "It took forever to get it out of my hair." He laughed. "It was fun though, un."

"That explains the paint you have on your shirt." Pein nodded.

"How long has she been sleeping?" Kisame asked, gesturing at Sanaa.

Deidara frowned as he did the math. "About two hours. Maybe a little longer."

"You should wake her up. **Or she won't go to bed.**" Zetsu stated.

Sasori nodded. "Zetsu is right." He walked to the couch Sanaa and Hidan slept on and extracted the child from Hidan's arms. Sanaa shifted in her sleep and opened her eyes.

"Sori-Danna." She said with a tired smile. She rested her head on his shoulder as he held her.

Sasori patted Sanaa's head. "Don't go to sleep Sanaa. You need to eat still."

"Too sleepy." She pouted tiredly.

Sasori rolled his eyes before kicking Hidan's side. "Wake up, moron."

Hidan jerked in his sleep and immediately felt around for Sanaa. When he found she wasn't there he sat straight up and looked around in a panic. "Where did that shit go?"

"I have her you idiot." Sasori said. "Get up."

Hidan frowned and looked up at the puppet master. "That scared me, fucker. Don't just fucking take her. I thought I dropped her."

"I thought you didn't like kids." Kathryn stated.

"I'm fine with the little shits." Hidan said, sitting up. "But even if I didn't like them, I wouldn't just fucking drop one. And I'd never hurt our little shitheads."

Tiburon cocked his head to the side. "Fuck."

Alice frowned. "Tiburon Shisui, do _not_ say stuff like that. That's bad."

He pouted. "Sorry Mommy."

"Hidan, if you teach my son one more bad word, I will kill you." Itachi said threateningly.

Kisame crossed his arms. "You are lucky Sanaa has not picked any of them up."

Hidan sighed. "My bad. It's not my fault his mind is like a fucking sponge."

"Bad word." Sanaa said, pointing at Hidan.

"That's right Sanaa." Pein agreed. "That's a bad word."

"I think Sanaa hasn't picked up any bad words because she sees Tiburon get scolded for it." Kakuzu said smartly. "She's always watching him. She just learns from his mistakes."

"**He's the experiment baby.** Don't call him that. You make him sound like a lab rat." Zetsu sighed.

"Well the food is here." Alice said calmly. "I decided halfway to the village that I was just going to buy stuff. I'm not in the mood to cook."

"Fair enough." Pein said.

Kisame smirked at Hidan as the Jashinist got to his feet. "You snore so loud, Hidan."

"Fuck you, asshole." Hidan snapped. "I can't fucking help it."

Sanaa's eyes widened and she pointed at Hidan. "Bad word!"

Kisame laughed. "You're going to have to deal with that every time you cuss now." He kissed Sanaa's cheek. "Good girl Sanaa. You get him."

Sanaa smiled, hugging Sasori's neck excitedly. "Kay!"

Tiburon, seeing his Kisame getting attention from someone other than him, reached for his namesake. "Kisa."

Kisame chuckled and took Tiburon from his father, kissing his forehead. "Hey Tibby."

"Uh oh, he's leaving Itachi!" Deidara laughed. "Sign of the apocalypse yeah."

"Tiburon goes to both of them equally." Alice stated, leaning into Itachi's side. "They are his favorites, other than me of course."

Kisame chuckled. "Alice's got it right." He made a farting noise against Tiburon's cheek and he started giggling.

Konan smiled. "You guys are totally kid people."

Alice and Kathryn smiled. "Damn straight."

All of the men aside from Itachi, Pein, Deidara, and Kisame scowled at Konan. "Shut up, Konan."

Tiburon threw his hands in the air. "Fuck!"

"Tiburon!"

"Tiburon Shisui Uchiha!"

"Bad word, Tibby!"

* * *

_So, here's the thing._

_I went to lunch with my older brother Jake yesterday after our classes and we were talking about my book. While we were discussing it, he disses my title and the more I think about it, the more I see his point._

_You see, I started writing this when I was like nine. And that's around the time I titled the story so it's old as fuck. The title is a little bland and it could use a change. So, I would like some input. My brother is currently reading it so he said he would help when he was finished, but I want to know if any of you guys have some ideas._

_I'm usually good at titling shit but the title of my book escapes me. I myself have a few ideas, but I'm still thinking because they seem a bit cheesy to me, hence why I just chose such a simple name in the first place. In case you didn't know, my story is called _Force _and well you can read it on your own. There is a link to it on my profile page. It's on Figment dot com._

_Anyways, this chapter was written and uploaded because I've gotten some Sanaa and Sasori demands. Just want to say that if you're going to be an asshole about wanting me to write about something, don't say anything. Because it'll just piss me off. If I want to write something, I'll write it. If I don't well then get the fuck over it._

_Sorry, I'm still sick and I'm slowly getting more and more irritated because of my roommate being obnoxiously loud on Skype with her loser boyfriend while I'm trying to be productive._

_Whatever._

_Toodles._


	16. When Duty Calls

_So, I literally just wrote this within ten minutes.  
_

_I thought I'd post it. :/_

_I do not own Naruto._

_Only one OC warning._

_Enjoy._

* * *

**Third Person!**

The villagers of Konoha parted like the Red Sea as a certain silver haired man stomped down the main road of the village. He was shirtless like always yet he was covered in blood with a long pike sticking out of his gut. He was glaring angrily and he looked utterly murderous.

Well, other than the crying little girl in his arms.

Regardless, no one dared bother the irate Jashinist as he stormed through the village with his sobbing cargo. Any ninja who saw him simply avoided bothering him and all of the ANBU charged with the protection of the village merely pretended not to have noticed him.

The Akatsuki may have been sworn allies, but _no one_ dared to disturb an enraged Hidan.

The zealot in question shifted his hold on the upset toddler crying against his chest as he kicked open the door to a convenience store. He slapped some bloodied coins down on the counter, startling the cashier and he gave her a scathing look with his violet eyes.

"C-can I-I h-help you?" She asked in a small voice.

Hidan's eyes narrowed. "No, I just fucking came in here with a crying brat, a pole sticking out of my fucking chest, while covered in my own _fucking_ blood because I wanted to give you my fucking money. I don't know, you little bitch! Can you fucking help me or are you too Jashin-damn stupid?!"

She squeaked in fear. "W-what c-can I-I get y-you?"

He pointed in a random direction, still looking utterly furious. "I need a box of fucking Band-Aids, some antiseptic shit, and a cone of your shitty chocolate ice cream. Two scoops."

"Y-yes s-sir!" She said quickly, instantly handing him a box of Band-Aids that were kept under the counter as well as a tube of antiseptic ointment.

Hidan snatched the box from her and glared at her as she hurried away from him to get him what he wanted. When she was gone, he detached the child from his chest and set her on the counter in front of him.

"It's okay, brat." Hidan said in a much gentler voice. "I've got some shitty bandages now." He pulled two flesh-colored Band-Aids out of the box and dabbed a little bit of the ointment on the tip of his index finger on his blood-free hand. He then applied the ointment to an angry looking scab on the little girl's knee.

After applying the ointment, he put the two Band-Aids on the scab.

"There." He said, inspecting his work. "Now stop your fucking crying, Sanaa."

Sanaa wiped at her eyes. "I-it st-still h-hurts, Hidan-oji, y-yeah!"

Hidan rolled his eyes and leaned forward, kissing her knee gently. "All fucking better? You see? I kissed away the pain."

Sanaa looked up at him and smiled slightly. "Thank you, Hidan-oji."

Hidan smirked and rumpled her hair. "You're welcome, you little shit."

"Y-your ice cream, s-sir."

Hidan looked over the counter and snatched the cone with two scoops of ice cream from the woman. "It's about fucking time." He inspected the ice cream skeptically before handing it to Sanaa. "You want fucking sprinkles or some shit like that, brat?"

Sanaa shook her head with a bright smile as she accepted the frozen treat. "No thank you."

"Good." Hidan said. He pointed at the woman behind the counter. "No one fucking hears a word about this, got it, bitch?" When she nodded mutely, he picked Sanaa up and carried her towards the door. "Don't get any of that shit on me, Sanaa."

"I won't, yeah." Sanaa said, licking at her ice cream.

"Uh, sir…"

Hidan paused before the door and looked over his shoulder. "The fuck do you want?"

"This money… it's too much for what you bought." The woman said. "I only need two coins. You gave me ten…"

Hidan stared at her. "I don't give a shit. It's not my fucking money anyways."

Ignoring her confused look, Hidan carried Sanaa out of the store and down the street. He blatantly ignored all of the looks he was getting. Before, people avoided him because he was angry and Sanaa was crying. Now though, she looked much happier with her ice cream and Hidan had no reason to be marching through the village looking like he was going to kill the first person to speak to him.

"Was that Kuzu-oji's money, Hidan-oji?" Sanaa asked.

Hidan smirked. "Don't tell him, brat."

Sanaa smiled. "I won't. Want some?" She offered him her ice cream.

Hidan rolled his eyes and licked the ice cream once. "You eat it."

"Kay." Sanaa said cheerfully. "I love you, Hidan-oji."

Hidan scowled. "Me too, brat. Don't fucking tell anyone about this. Got it?"

Sanaa made a show of zipping her chocolate covered lips.

Hidan smirked and rolled his eyes. "Goofy brat."

* * *

_I love Hidan. He's so cute.  
_

_Three things: Road to Ninja is out in Raw now at NarutoGet. It'll be subbed soon. I've already watched it._

_New Naruto game is fucking amazing. Madara is the love of my life other than Itachi. His hair..._

_Thing number three: Kathryn now lives in North Dakota with her husband. A little piece of me died when she left. :( I already miss her like crazy._

_But yeah... _

_Toodles._


	17. Study Buddy

_Yeah, idea from a friend._

_Enjoy._

* * *

**First Person!**

I sighed and rolled over on my bed, inspecting the definition on the index card in front of me. I had a test for one of my online classes and I needed to study since I had been slacking off. Usually I would never study, but seeing as the testing schedule was open tomorrow and you only had 45 minutes to take said test, I needed to prepare.

Studying _sucks_.

As I reread the same term for the fifth time hoping it would stick, I remembered why I never studied before.

I'm horrible at it.

I've never had a need to study before since I have a photographic memory and I'm naturally intelligent. Because of my lack of a need, I never learned proper techniques other than flashcards but I made those and they weren't helping.

"Alice?"

I glanced over my shoulder and smiled. "Oh thank Jashin you've come."

Itachi raised his eyebrow.

"I need an excuse to not study." I said, dropping the stack of index cards onto the table beside my bed. I extended my arms in his directions. "Distract me, please."

Itachi smirked a bit and walked over to me. He sat down beside me and stroked my cheek with his knuckles. "What are you studying?"

"No idea." I told him, reaching out and grabbing the collar of his shirt. I pulled him closer and kissed him. "Hmm. Best distraction ever."

"Alice." Itachi said in a scolding tone. "You should study."

"I can't." I pouted. "Studying is so lame."

Itachi tapped my nose with his forefinger. "Obviously you are not studying correctly then. Shall I help you?"

"Please." I said hopefully.

Itachi reached around me and grabbed my index cards. "I will read you the definition and you will give me the term, yes?"

"Fair enough." I said, scooting closer to him.

"If you get it correct, I will reward you." He said. "If not, you'll be punished."

I smirked. "Sounds fair."

"Very well." Itachi said. "What is this class for?"

"Meh, it's an advanced English class. We have vocab tests that make up our classwork grades since we don't really have class because it's online." I said with a shrug. "It's not too hard, I just can't concentrate."

"Shall we begin?" Itachi asked.

I gestured for him to proceed.

"Distant, or turned away, from axis, as of an organ or organism." He said. "It's an adjective."

I smiled. "Abaxial."

Itachi leaned forward and kissed me. "Very good."

"I think I like this manner of studying." I said.

Itachi smirked but didn't comment on my statement as he read the next card. "Flowing together; combining."

I paused. "Uh… Confluent?"

Itachi grabbed my chin and kissed me again, leaning closer and closer until he knocked me over onto my back. He smirked at me from above me before pulling away and stroking my hair, lying down on the mattress beside me. "Fringed, jagged, slashed."

"Shit." I muttered, holding onto him like he was a pillow or teddy bear. "Is it laciniate?"

"That is correct." Itachi said. "Very good, Alice." He rolled over me to kiss me fully again. "As if, seemingly; in a manner."

I stared at him, still dazed by his kiss. "I don't remember."

"Are you sure?" Itachi asked, raising his eyebrow at me.

I sighed. "Yeah. I can't remember. You killed my brain."

Itachi hummed under his breath as he sat up and moved to the egg chair on the other side of the room, shoving my arms off.

"Ah!" I whined. "No, come back."

"Not unless you give me the answer I seek." Itachi said.

"Pass?" I asked.

"No." He stated. "Think Alice. I know you know the answer."

I whined pathetically and put my pillow over my face as I thought. I spent a minute racking my brain until it came to me. "Quasi!"

Itachi dipped his head in approval. "Good girl."

I waited for him to come back to me but he didn't. Instead, he took his shirt off.

"Hot fucking Jashin." I said, rolling over to be able to stare at him. "Alright, I'm definitely going to get all of these correct if these are my rewards."

"I certainly hope so." Itachi said. "I hope my efforts are not wasted."

"Babe, nothing about you can be wasted." I stated. "Next please. I want you naked by the end of the night."

Itachi just chuckled and moved onto the next card. "This is a word for tough, flexible branch or twig usually used for binding."

"Withe." I said almost instantly.

"Yes." Itachi said. He walked towards the bed and sat down at the edge. "That one was easy so you're not getting a large reward."

"Pssh, you underestimate how much I like it when you're near me. Though, that's nothing in comparison to how much I like it when you're near me shirtless." I said.

Itachi smirked and shuffled to a new card. "Nimble, brisk, ready."

"Yare?" I asked.

Itachi nodded and lay down beside me on his back. He prevented me from touching him however and instead went to the next card. "Sandy."

I went silent for a minute. "It's sabulose, isn't it?"

"That it is." Itachi said. "You may touch now."

"Yay!" I said, reaching out to hug him.

"Ah." He said, pushing me away slightly by putting his finger on my nose and pushing against me. "You may only use one hand. Torso only."

"Boo. You whore." I pouted.

"I am trying to help you." He said.

"It's working." I said with a sigh, stroking his abs. "Continue. I'm listening."

"Obtain by asking." He said.

"Impetrate." I recited, tracing a line up to his pectorals. "Can I hug now?"

"You may." He said.

I smiled contently and latched onto his person. "Hmm. Let's quit while I'm ahead."

"No. You have a few more cards in this stack left. Then you have quite a few other ones if I'm not seeing things." He gestured to the giant stack of cards on my desk.

"I already have the others memorized."

"Then perhaps after this stack we will see."

"Fine. Next card."

"You do not have permission to lick me, Alice." Itachi said.

I gave him a sheepish smile. "I only did it to see what you'd do."

"Bad." He stated. "Hugging and touching of the torso are the only privileges you have right now. Push your boundaries and I will take away your privileges."

I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder. "Fine. Go on."

"Unpaired. Odd." Itachi said.

I rolled over slightly to stare at his face and rest my chin on his chest. "Azygous?"

"Well done." Itachi stated, reaching out to caress my cheek. He threaded his fingers into my hair and pulled my face closer so he could kiss me. I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck to anchor myself to him.

He detached me from his lips and gave me a look before getting another card. "Glassy, transparent."

"A window." I said sarcastically. However, Itachi scolded me for my sarcasm and incorrect answer by pushing me off and moving back to the egg chair.

He put his shirt back on and crossed his arms.

"I was being sarcastic." I pouted. "I know the answer."

"Prove it." He said.

"Hyaline." I said.

Itachi nodded and sat on the bed again, keeping his shirt on. He read me the next definition and when I answered it correctly, he removed his shirt again but remained facing away from me so I had nothing to ogle at but his back muscles.

Totally worth it.

Itachi stoically read me another definition and he pulled me towards him when I got it right. He pulled me onto his lap and rested his head against mine. "You're doing well, Alice."

"Thanks." I said, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I have a good teacher." I smirked. "I got it bad, so bad. I'm hot for teacher."

Itachi raised his eyebrow at me. "What?"

I shook my head. "Nothing. It's a song. Continue please."

"Hn." Itachi said. "Wild state. Barbarianism."

"It's not feral." I said. "But it's close." I rested my chin on his shoulder and played with his hair, trying to remember. "Ah. I remember. Ferity."

"Well done." Itachi said, kissing my neck. He put the last card behind me. "Push down or out."

I loosened my grip on him and pulled back to look him in the face. "Detrude."

Itachi smirked and flicked the card away from him before he kissed me fully. He pushed me back onto the mattress again and at some point his tongue made its way into my mouth. I just sighed contently and occupied myself with the weasel in my arms.

"Alice? Itachi? Why is there paper all over the room and why is Itachi shirtless?" Kathryn asked.

I sighed and looked around Itachi. "Kathryn, me and Itachi are studying. Get out."

She made a face of disgust before leaving the room. "Danna! Alice and Itachi are making babies!"

"I don't want to know!" Sasori shouted back.

I smiled at Itachi and stroked his cheek. "I think I might take an anatomy class if you're willing to help me study for the tests."

Itachi smirked. "I look forward to it."

* * *

_For those of you that don't already know, the song Alice referenced is "Hot for Teacher" by Van Halen. It's an amazing song. I recommend it to everyone._

_My little cousin has made a fanfiction account recently and she's posted her first fanfiction. Her account name is UchihaBrooke and the story is _Treachery Isn't Such A Bad Thing. _Go read it and review. I'm her beta and whatnot. It's not bad for her first fanfiction and as long as you are polite about it, she does listen to constructive criticism so be sure to give her some pointers and whatnot. She's a smart girl._

_But yeah. I'm home for the summer! Woo! No more dorms. Thank Jashin._

_I posted a second original story on my figment account so be sure to go check it out. It's figment dot com/ users / 296635-Dani-Prindle. So yeah, go tell me what you think and stuff or just sign up and use the site yourself. It's really easy to use and pretty secure._

_My dogs are wrestling on my bed and it's making typing really difficult._

_I love you all. Have a good day/night/life/whatever_


	18. Shopping Buddies

_I missed my lovely readers._

_Yes I did. You're all so cute and incredible. I'd be nothing without you.  
_

_That's right. Nothing._

_Just so you know, chapter 17 is newish for most of you. Fanfiction was being a bitch and wasn't sending alerts._

_Make sure you read it._

* * *

**First Person!**

"If you value that limb, you will remove it."

I rolled my eyes with a sigh and swatted at the mound of flesh I was currently latched onto. "The fuck are you talkin' to, 'Tachi?"

"Kisame." Itachi said.

I opened my eyes and glanced over my shoulder to see that Kisame was latched onto me just as I was latched onto his partner. It was strange how I didn't notice him before. His presence was so expected now that I didn't think anything of it anymore.

"What's he doing?" I asked.

"You're mine." Itachi said. "I do not share."

I rolled my eyes again. "Oh stop it. Kisame's allowed to cuddle."

Kisame grinned at Itachi from behind me. "See? She likes it."

"I love it." I corrected. "Don't antagonize him, Kisame. Be the bigger man."

"I already am bigger." Kisame said.

I frowned. "Perverted thoughts. Perverted thoughts. Someone do something to stop them. Gah!" I gripped my forehead as the mental images became too extravagant.

Kisame laughed while Itachi diverted my attention by lifting the blankets to reveal his shirtless, perfect torso.

I stared at him for a moment before reaching out and touching his abdominal muscles. "Ah. Such perfection."

"You're so goofy, Alice." Kisame told me, squeezing me lightly.

I glanced at him and smiled. "I know." I patted his cheek. "Don't worry, Kisame. I can feel your abs right now. I know you're perfect too."

"As long as you're aware." He said.

"I'm far too aware of your sexiness and Itachi's." I said, resting my head on my pillow. "It's not healthy."

"It's slightly creepy as well." Itachi admitted, smirking at me with his Uchiha stoicness.

I scoffed. "Creepy is my middle name."

"So what's the plan for today?" Kisame asked.

I shrugged. "I need to go and get stuff from the store sometime today. Zetsu eats all of our food and Pein inhales the pop in the fridge."

"Yes, that does sound like a problem." Itachi said.

"I know for a fact you are the culprit behind the missing sugar products, Weasel-face." I said, rolling my eyes.

Kisame grinned. "Her nicknames for you are hilarious."

"If you value your sanity, you will not dare to call me one of them." Itachi said.

"What sanity?" Kisame and I asked in unison.

Itachi stared at us for a second before sniffing and rolling onto his back. "Good point."

I yawned obnoxiously and rolled over to essentially flop on Itachi. "Hmm. Don't wanna get up. Beds are so comfy."

Itachi poked my forehead. "It's not healthy to lie in bed all day."

I pouted at his logic and rolled over dramatically to latch onto my most favorite shark. "_Kisame_. Itachi's being logical. Tell him that sleep is good."

"Sleep is good." Kisame said, grinning at Itachi from over my head.

"And cuddling with half-naked, sexy ninja men is also incredibly good for my health." I added.

Kisame glanced down at me before looking back at Itachi. "She's using us for our bodies."

Itachi snorted with amusement as he sat up, stretching before he shoved his hair out of his face. "Are you surprised?"

"No." Kisame said. "Sometimes I want to be appreciated for what's inside. Not just my appearance."

I laughed and wrapped my arms around Kisame's neck. "Fear not, Kisame. I love you for your sweet sharkiness. Your sexy muscles and incredible blue skin are just bonuses." I stroked his cheek with one hand while carding my fingers through his messy hair. "The gills and the pointy teeth only add to your charm."

Kisame chuckled. "I like being here with Alice. The compliments never stop."

"You are an idiot." Itachi told him.

"It's good to see you haven't changed much when it comes to being an asshole though." Kisame said with a nod. He hugged me. "Alice, the ferret is being mean to me."

I gasped and hugged Kisame's head. "Itachi! How dare you? Apologize to Kisame! He's a beautiful specimen with spectacular abdominal muscles and pectorals on top of a winning personality."

Itachi paused on his way to the bathroom to stare at me. "Make me."

"Touché." I said. I looked at Kisame. "I tried, Kisa."

"It's more than I expected." Kisame said with a smirk.

"You doubt my drive to defend you?" I asked, pulling an offended expression.

He shook his head. "I figured the fact that Itachi was shirtless would distract you."

"It's very distracting, but nothing can distract me from my love of you, Kisame. You're my favorite sharky." I said.

He smiled. "Well that's good." He released me and sat up, yawning hugely and stretching.

I copied him, rolling ungracefully off of my bed and landing on the floor in a heap of blankets.

Kisame snorted with amusement. "Are you alright?"

I popped back up to smile at him. "Perfectly, my fishy friend. I do that to wake myself up sometimes."

"Effective?" He asked.

I shook my head. "Usually I just go to sleep on the floor. But I have incentive to get up right now."

"And that is?" Itachi asked, emerging from the bathroom.

"Sexy men to ogle at." I told him. I gathered clothes to change into before skipping to the bathroom. I changed and did my routine before emerging from the bathroom and letting Kisame take over.

I brushed my hair since I had left the bathroom before doing so because Kisame had to pee. As I brushed my hair in a very habitual way with my weird system, Itachi watched me, looking curious.

"What?" I asked.

"Why are you doing that?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I've done it like this since I was a kid. It hurts less when there are knots."

He hummed. "Your hair is long."

"Is it?" I asked sarcastically.

He threw a pillow at me.

I dodged it as much as I could but it still hit my side. I stuck my tongue out at him. "Your hair is long too."

"But yours is like a foot longer." He pointed out.

I shrugged. "I like long hair. I look weird with short hair." I said.

Itachi just stared at me, possibly trying to imagine what I would look like with short hair.

"Besides. Long hair can serve as handle bars during sex." I told him. Itachi's jaw dropped slightly in shock and his eyes widened.

"What the fuck?" Kisame asked, having emerged from the bathroom when I said that. At that exact second, Sasori, Deidara, and Kathryn had also entered the room.

I gestured at Sasori. "Just ask Sasori. He knows all about it."

Sasori just gave me a deadpan stare.

I shielded my mouth from Sasori as I stage-whispered to Itachi. "He's shy."

Itachi just introduced his palm to his forehead.

I cackled before grabbing my wallet off of my nightstand. "Alright. I'm going to the store. Kat, you're staying here with these idiots."

Kathryn saluted me. "Roger."

"Are you going alone?" Itachi asked.

"I'm taking Kakuzu with me." I said. "You're welcome to come too if you want."

Kisame waved off my offer. "There's a movie marathon coming on in an hour."

I smiled. "Fair enough. Itachi? Sasori? Dei?"

Itachi shook his head. "Pein-sama and I intended on training with our dōjutsu today. I will leave you in Kakuzu's care."

"I'll go." Sasori said. "I have nothing better to do."

"Dei's staying with me." Kathryn said. "He promised me I could play with his hair if I let him burn shit in the yard."

I sighed as I left my bedroom with Sasori, aiming to find Kakuzu. "Just don't kill my yard."

Kathryn latched onto a grinning Deidara who waved at me. "We won't (un)!"

* * *

I drummed on my steering wheel as I searched for a parking spot towards the front. I knew from the sheer amount of stuff I would be buying that I would probably be in a bad mood after I left the store. The closer I parked, the less irritated I would be later.

"There's one." Sasori said, pointing from his spot in the back seat.

I followed his point before scowling at him. "I could fit there if I rode a bicycle. That's a cart rack, Sasori. My hummer will not fit."

He shrugged. "It looked like one."

"Don't speak unless you're going to be helpful." I said.

"There's one." Kakuzu said.

I sighed and looked at where he was pointing only to drop my head on the steering wheel. "That is a handicapped spot. Sasori doesn't count even though he's mentally handicapped."

Sasori slapped the back of my head. "I hope you have to park in the back."

"It's unfortunate for you too, bud." I told him.

"I'm a ninja. I don't need this vehicle. It's below me." He said.

"You're a loser. That's what you are." I retorted.

Kakuzu tapped me. "I found one."

"Now that's a good spot. Good work, Kakuzu."

"That person in the red car is driving for it." Sasori said.

"Ew. He drives a mini-cooper." I said with disgust.

Kakuzu raised his eyebrow. "Point?"

"They're only the second ugliest and stupidest cars in the world. Succeeded only by box-cars."

"Your hummer looks kind of like a box." Sasori said.

"A huge box." I corrected. "With massive wheels, a giant grill, spotlights, and a shit ton of power. It's also big, black, and shiny. Like a penis but prettier."

Kakuzu sighed. "You're ridiculous."

"And you're going to lose that spot." Sasori said.

I scoffed and pressed on the gas. "We'll see."

Kakuzu glanced at Sasori as I essentially drifted around the corner. "If we die, let's haunt our partners."

"With pleasure." Sasori said, gripping onto my seat. "However, that's only after we kill Alice again."

"Deal." Kakuzu said.

I entered the spot before the asshole in the red car and I parked in the next instant, shutting off the car and getting out with Kakuzu and Sasori. I locked my car as the red car drove up beside me.

Some man rolled down his window to glare at me.

"Hey." I said, waving at him.

"I've been looking for a spot for five minutes." He said.

"That's five less than me." I said. "I was here first. Tough luck."

"Haven't you ever heard of respecting your elders?" He asked.

I nodded. "Oh, I have. But the thing is, you have to earn the respect in the first place before you get it from me. You drive a mini-cooper. You deserved to have not only your car keyed to hell and back, but also your face."

"And you drive that gas-hog." He said.

"After I'm done getting groceries and returning to my car, from a spot closer than yours mind you, we can have a derby to see if your car or mine is better." I said with a smile. "I've always wanted to drive over a mini-cooper. If you drove a box car, I might have slashed your tires already."

He grumbled under his breath about me being a bitch as he drove away.

It's true. I am a bitch. But I'm a bitch that gets shit done.

He can bite me.

* * *

I sighed as I pushed the shopping cart through the grocery store, a giant list in my hand. When I mentioned I was going to the store to the leaders, they demanded a few things and that just spawned more demands from the childish people in my house.

Kakuzu was browsing boredly through the ads, searching for deals for me while Sasori watched the people around us curiously.

"See anything good, Kakuzu?" I asked.

He grunted. "There's a two for one deal on milk."

"Oh that's good." I said. "Sasori."

He glanced over his shoulder at me from where he had been inspecting some spices. "Yes?"

"I know you don't eat, but if you see something you want in like the craft isles or something, you can have it." I told him. "Same for you, Kakuzu."

"Thanks for the offer." Sasori said while Kakuzu just hummed to show he heard me.

I pushed the cart a little faster down the aisle we just turned on before standing on the rack above the wheels and I coasted for a little while until I reached the cereal.

Sasori stared at me. "How old are you?"

"Three." I said without missing a beat. I grabbed a few boxes of cereal that I would actually eat if I felt like it before tossing them into the cart.

Kakuzu flicked my forehead. "There are cheaper cereals."

"I'm getting these." I said.

"You brought me along to help you save money. Get the cheaper cereals." Kakuzu told me.

"Chill bro." I told him. "I have coupons." I reached into my pocket and withdrew a handful of coupons. "It'll save me three bucks if I get five of these over enough of those shitty brands."

Kakuzu stared at me before giving in. "So be it."

Sasori chuckled and continued on down the aisle. "What's next on the list?"

I sighed and pulled out the list. "Well, we got cereal, vegetables, veggie food for Kat, popsicles, pizza rolls, I restocked on poptarts for the next two weeks yesterday. We got popcorn already and I loaded up on a shit ton of bagel-bites just now." I rubbed my chin. "Next we have pop for Pein, meat products, candy for Tobi and Itachi, seafood for Kisame, noodles we need milk, orange juice, cheese, and other things like that."

Sasori nodded and started for the dairy aisle. "Let's go then."

* * *

"This is ridiculous." I said, watching with mild interest as two women fought over the last pack of single-sliced American cheese. Sasori sat on the ice cream bin beside me, watching their argument slowly escalate.

"I think it's pretty funny." Sasori said.

Kakuzu dropped two galleons of white milk into the cart before placing two jugs of orange juice beside them. I looked away from the fight to smile at him thankfully. "Thanks Kakuzu."

He hummed in recognition before leaning against the shelf on my other side to watch the two women. "Have they started throwing blows yet?"

"Not yet." I said.

"It's only a matter of time." Sasori said. "The one in the flowery dress called the woman with curlers in her hair a bitch."

I cackled. "That's awesome."

Kakuzu looked in the cart. "You have three packs of the cheese."

"I'm not giving them to those bitches." I said. "This is far too entertaining and I need this cheese."

"I cannot believe that is the only pack left." Kakuzu said.

"It's not." Sasori said.

Kakuzu glanced at him, raising his eyebrow.

Sasori gestured behind him. "Alice hid the rest of the packs in here to piss people off."

Kakuzu looked down at me, amusement in his face. "You're a bitch."

"Yes I am." I said. "And I'm fucking proud of it. It's so fun watching people get bent out of shape about groceries and shit. It's just fucking cheese. It's not the end of the world." I straightened up and stretched as the woman with curlers bitch-slapped the one wearing flowers. "Alright. Now that we're done with food, let's go and get toiletries and whatnot."

"I bet the woman in curlers wins." Sasori said as he got up.

"Of course she will." I said. "A woman who doesn't care enough to look decent when she goes into public doesn't give a fuck about kicking the shit out of other people."

Kakuzu smirked down at me. "Are you talking from experience?"

"Is that a reference to me not giving a shit about my appearance or me getting beat up?" I asked.

"The former." He said.

"Then yes. I am." I said. "I might not give a shit about groceries, but my road rage is horrible. I followed this bitch to her house when she cut me off on the high way and neglected to use her turn-signal at least seven times. I kicked the shit out of her too."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "You're ridiculous. One of these days you're going to pick a fight with the wrong person."

"I'm not that stupid, Sasori." I said.

He scoffed. "You could have fooled me."

I made to retaliate but Kakuzu cut me off by picking me up and tossing me over his shoulder to silence me, pushing the cart through the store with one hand.

* * *

"Why are you getting different brands of that?" Kakuzu asked.

"Not everyone likes the same kind of pad." I said.

He raised his eyebrow.

I sighed. "Kakuzu, do you know what these are?"

"I assume they are for medical purposes?" He asked.

"Not exactly." I shook my head. "Sasori?"

"Something feminine." He stated. "The flower leads me to think that they are for women."

"Alright. I can work with that." I held up a pack of pads. "What do only women go through where they might need giant pads like this for 'medical purposes'?"

Kakuzu and Sasori both stared at me for a long time before they both eventually caught on to what I meant. Both of them frowned at the same time and those frowns turned to looks of disgust. "Ew."

"Oh stop it." I said with a roll of my eyes. "It's natural. You're living in a house with three women. Get used to it."

"You might as well get a diaper." Sasori said.

I sighed. "It's not the same."

"Yes it is." He said.

"I can get tampons instead if it bothers you." I said.

Kakuzu raised his eyebrow. "What are those?"

"They go in." I said.

He frowned for a long time until he caught on. "Did not need to know!"

"You asked." I told him.

"Next time, don't tell me." He said.

I shook my head and dropped the pads into the cart before grabbing a large container of shampoo and conditioner from across the aisle. I handed it to Sasori. "Cart please."

He handed it to Kakuzu who dropped it into the almost full cart.

"Assembly line." I said. "Very nice."

I walked further down the aisle, leaving Sasori and Kakuzu by the cart so I could get some over-the-counter medicine for headaches and allergies and whatnot.

"Loofa! Cart these!" I said, throwing a box of pills at him.

He caught it and tossed it to Kakuzu before catching the next box I threw at him. He threw them down to Kakuzu and we continued this system until I ran out of medicine to throw at him.

"What else do we need?" I asked. "Check the list."

Kakuzu picked up the list. "Deodorant M and F. Whatever that means."

"Male and female deodorant." I explained as I started for the area where the deodorant was. "Loofa, it'll be coming over top."

"Understood."

"Incoming!" I called.

I heard Sasori catch the pack of deodorant I threw him before another noise sounded and then it clanged inside the cart.

I threw Sasori two more packs, another six pack for men and a single six pack for women before asking Kakuzu what was next.

We essentially played a game for the rest of the shopping trip before we started heading for the check-out.

Sasori and I were bickering as we unloaded the cart onto the moving counter thingy. Kakuzu stood in front of me, ripping out coupons and collecting the ones I already had cut out that could apply to our purchases.

The man ringing us out was watching Sasori and I with wide eyes and a shocked look on his face.

"I'm telling you, Sasori, Colgate toothpaste is so much better than Crest." I said.

He shook his head. "I disagree. Crest has a much more pleasant smell."

"Yeah, but the aftertaste is horrible. Colgate isn't worried about that smelly shit. They want you to have a clean mouth that is fresh, not just pleasant to smell. There're mints for that."

"You need mints." Sasori said.

"You need something stronger than mints." I scoffed. "Like all of the deodorant I just bought. If you use it all at the same time, it might make you bearable enough to be around. However, there's nothing the D.O. can do about your face."

He whacked me in the head with a thing of garlic bread. "Bad Alice."

"Don't treat me like an animal." I snapped.

"Why not?" He asked. "You are akin to an animal in both behavior and intelligence."

I scoffed. "When what are you, Loofa?"

"I am a puppet." He told me. "I transcend anything you could possibly be."

"You surpass me alright." I said. "At being a moron."

Kakuzu sighed and took my card from me, handing it to the cashier. "Ignore them. They do this all the time."

"That was a horrible comeback." Sasori said.

"You're horrible." I said.

He rolled his eyes. "Mature, Alice. Very mature."

"I know I am." I smirked.

"Your stupidity astounds me." He sighed.

"Your ugliness astounds me." I retorted.

Kakuzu grabbed me and lifted me off the ground before putting me in front of the writing pad thing. "Sign for our stuff so we can go home. You can argue with Sasori later."

"He's not worth my time." I said dismissively, signing the screen. I looked at the cart to see all of the bags were already in there. "Kakuzu, did you do that?"

"The bag boy did most of it." Kakuzu said. "You would have noticed if you weren't too busy flirting with Sasori.

"Love, I know you're old, but that isn't even close to being flirty." I said, patting Kakuzu's chest. "How stupid would I be to be at all interested in _that_?" I pointed at Sasori.

"I may have altered my body to be an everlasting display of art, but I would invest in Deidara's ridiculous ideas long enough to kill myself if I ever started having interests for Alice." Sasori said smoothly.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'm hungry. Let's go home."

"Hi Hungry." I said. "I'm Alice!"

Kakuzu looked down at me with narrowed eyes. "I'll kill you."

"Shutting up."

* * *

_So, my little cousin UchihaBrooke is currently writing her first fanfiction and I'm betaing for her. Go and read her story. It's very good for as young as she is for her first fanfiction. Mostly I just give her pointers and edit miniscule mistakes that I see. She'll be better than me at writing when she gets older.  
_

_But yeah, go read and review her story. Give her some pointers and ideas. She's incredibly smart and a good listener. She takes advice well so if you help her out, she'll appreciate it. Just be nice or I'll have to kill you. :D_

_She's like me, just more girly and nice._

_But, I love all of you very much and you all make me super happy._

_Keep being awesome.  
_

_Toodles._


	19. Babysitting

_Whattttt? New chapter, lovelies!  
_

_What's up, yo? I miss you guys._

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

"What kind do you like?"

"I like the fucking melon kind. I hate it when you buy that lemony shit."

"Really? Kakuzu always tells me to buy that stuff in bulk."

"That's because he likes to fucking piss me off."

"Oh!" I said, nodding as I grasped the logic behind his words. "That makes perfect sense." I grabbed the melon scented air freshener and dropped it into the basket. "I'll remember that from now on."

Hidan grunted and followed after me, carrying the basket of groceries for me so I wouldn't have to. He and I were in a nearby village shopping for cleaning supplies and other household necessities for the base.

Hidan glanced over his shoulder and whistled. "Sable, come on you mutt."

A rather large and fuzzy Sable barked happily and bounded after us from where she had been sniffing a rack of towels.

"The fuck did I get roped into this shit?" Hidan asked.

I glanced back at him. "Don't act like you're suffering, Hidan. You love hanging out with me."

"I don't mind hanging out with you, Ice Bitch. I'm pissed that I was fucking forced into it." Hidan grunted.

Smiling, I grabbed some soap for dishes and dropped it into the basket. "Itachi and Kisame are at home watching Tibby and Sanaa. Sasori and Deidara went to Ame to take something to Pein's main body. Today is when Zetsu goes out to find food and Kakuzu's busy with writing our financial report for Pein." I turned to face him and put my hands on my hips. "You were the only one available. There's no way we're leaving you to watch both Tibby and Sanaa by yourself."

Hidan scowled. "I watch those shits all the time."

"Yeah, one at a time." I said, nodding. "Not both at the same time. I don't even like watching both of them at the same time and I'm much more capable than you."

"So you left Fish-Fuck and your bitchy husband to watch the brats?" Hidan asked.

I waved away his question dismissively. "Itachi and Kisame are both very good at babysitting."

**Third Person!**

Kisame shoved a fussy Tiburon in Itachi's direction. "Your son wants you."

Itachi narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Kisame's obvious attempts to get rid of Tiburon and he took his son from his partner cautiously. "Why does he want me? Aren't you supposed to be watching them in the living room while I went to the bathroom?"

"I was watching them. But then Tiburon essentially started calling your name because I am _not_ changing diapers." Kisame said. "I might be your partner and I may love you, Alice, and Tibby more than most people, but there is no way I'm on diaper duty. I'm a criminal, not a nanny."

Itachi rolled his eyes heavily. "Whatever, Kisame. Go and keep Sanaa occupied then while I change his diaper."

Kisame saluted Itachi. "Aye, aye, Captain."

Itachi stared after his partner with a deadpan expression for a moment before turning his attention to the fussing child in his grasp. He quickly and skillfully changed Tiburon's diaper before picking his son up off the changing table and turning to go and put him in the playpen with Sanaa.

"Uh, Itachi?" Kisame called

Itachi raised his eyebrow as he entered the living room. "What is it, Kisame?"

"Where's Sanaa?" Kisame asked.

"She should be in the pen where I left her before I went to the bathroom." Itachi said.

"Yeah, she's not here." Kisame said, pointing at the empty playpen.

Itachi nearly dropped Tiburon. "Well shit."

"Let's go look for her." Kisame said. "She has chakra. Put Tibby up and then we'll go find her real quick."

Itachi nodded and set Tiburon down inside the playpen before following his large partner from the living room on a hunt of Sanaa.

Tiburon stared after his father and father figure before getting up and walking to the edge of the playpen. With practiced skill, he scaled the side of the playpen and dropped onto the couch beside it before sliding to the floor.

With a satisfied and yet evil looking grin, Tiburon toddled out of the living room. He made his way down the dark hallways until he found the person he was looking for. Smiling excitedly, Tiburon sat down on the cold floor beside Sanaa and shoved his fist in his mouth before reaching for the discarded ninja weapons she was playing with without a care in the world.

* * *

Itachi sighed as he and Kisame entered the living room again. "Where in the world can a two year old get to so that we cannot find her?"

"Good question." Kisame stated. "She's way too much like her parents."

"Regardless, we need to find her before Alice returns. I would rather not be lectured." Itachi stated. He walked to the playpen and stepped inside, aiming on gathering Tiburon before going on another hunt for the tiny blonde child.

"You have got to be shitting me." Itachi said with a heavy sigh.

Kisame raised his eyebrow, confused by his partner's lack of stoic maturity. "What?"

"Tiburon's gone." Itachi said.

"Fuckkkk." Kisame said.

Itachi ran a hand through his bangs in irritation. "Alice is going to kill me."

"I think she mentioned something about Tibby being able to get out of the playpen." Kisame said thoughtfully. "Didn't she warn us to keep an eye on them at all times?"

Itachi sat on the arm of the couch beside the playpen and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Kisame, I could very well kill you." He glared at his partner. "This is the kind of thing you mention before losing a pair of two-year-olds inside a base occupied by ninja and their dangerous weapons."

Kisame rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "It slipped my mind. I never expected them to wander off."

"You do realize it is _Tiburon_ we are watching, right?" Itachi asked. "He is the reincarnation of his mother."

Kisame chuckled. "You've got that right. Should we go look for them now?"

"I believe the two of you are missing something."

Itachi and Kisame looked towards the door at the sound of the familiar voice only to see Kakuzu standing there looking slightly irritated. He had Tiburon tucked under his right arm while Sanaa was held in his left, giggling madly.

"Where did you find them?" Itachi asked, getting up to relieve the older man of the children.

"My room." Kakuzu grunted. "I go to Pein's office for ten minutes to turn in my financial report and I return to my bedroom to find these two brats playing with my dulled weapons as if they were toys."

Kisame sighed, relieved. "Well at least they weren't in Hidan's room."

Kakuzu glared at Kisame. "I'll kill you."

Kisame rolled his eyes and took Sanaa from Itachi. "Yeah, whatever."

"Thank you for bringing them here, Kakuzu." Itachi said gratefully. "We would have been searching for hours. I'm just glad we found them before Alice got home."

"Found who before I got home?"

Itachi stilled and looked around to see Alice standing in the doorway with Hidan and Sable at her side. He suddenly felt very vulnerable. "No one."

Alice stared at her husband with a deadpan expression. "Let me guess: You left the kids alone in the playpen even after I told you not to and they escaped. When you noticed they were missing, you went to search for them but in the end Kakuzu found them for you and he returned them right in the nick of time before I got here."

Kakuzu nodded, confirming her assumption.

Kisame leaned closer to Itachi, holding Sanaa closer. "It's scary how she does that."

Itachi nodded mutely in agreement, adjusting Tiburon in his arms so he could use his son as a shield in case Alice decided to scold him.

"No shit she's fucking scary." Hidan said, adjusting his hold on the grocery bags in his hands. "Sometimes I seriously wonder if the bitch can fucking tell the future."

Alice waved her hand dismissively. "I can't tell the future, idiot. You ninjas are just predictable."

* * *

_So there's nothing really exciting going on in my life right now. My JP story is coming along slowly. Slowly, but it is coming along. Unlike this story, JP doesn't write itself because there is actual substance to that story rather than just shit I pull out of my ass.  
_

_But yeah. How are all of you? In nine days, I'll be 19 so that's fun, right? Right?_

_No, not really. It's the same as being 18 really. _

_I need a job really bad but you know how that goes._

_I have been watching/rewatching so many anime since summer started so if any of you guys want some recommendations for some good anime, let me know and I'll hook you up. :D_

_Last thing: This literally was written in ten minutes as a spur of the moment thing which is why it's shit. But whatever._

_Toodles_


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